Love me Endlessly

Flashback 3- Why I kissed her?

"This feels like I've fallen in love. Fallen in love. Fallen in love . So kiss me..." The sound of the bell cut me off and I let my hand fall from the cords of the guitar, heart thumping like a drum, and knees shaking as I stared at Ella who was in the front row of the chairs lined up in Mr. Cash's room. Kids flooded out of the room in swarms and it was only Ella, Mr. Cash, and I left in the room...at least for a split second.

Just as fast as she came in was how fast she ran out. A rush of disappointment ran over as I pulled the guitar off of me quickly and handed it back to Mr. Cash. I went to run after when Mr. Cash's voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Shane!" He called out and I turned around.

"Yeah?" I asked in a rushed tone, eager to go after her.

"Don't let her slip this time. Don't let it be last time. Don't let 5th grade repeat its self. Tell her how you feel. Be real with her and show her that you care." He told me with a small smile which I returned before rushing out the door.

I dodged past people and even shoved a few guys out of my way once I spotted Ella heading to the exit to the back of the school. My voice echoed  through the loud hallway as I called out to her, desperate so get her attention. "Ella!" I called bursting out of the door. "Please wait! Ella we need to talk abo-"

She cut me off by spinning on her heels, anger written all over her face "About what?" She snapped turning on my heels. "About the fact that you just embarrassed me in front of a class full of people I hate? Or how about you confessing that you...I cant even say the word!"

How did I embarrass her? How did singing her embarrassed her? I thought as my mouth spoke with out my mind telling it to. "Love?"

"Yeah that horrid word! That you confessed your love for me on the day that I finally get a boyfriend!" She yelled almost shaking with rage. This time anger spread across my face as she talked about someone being her boyfriend and it wasn't me.

"Well would you have liked it better if I did on your wedding day? Or how about when you give birth to your first kid? Even better, what about on your death bed Ella?! Would that be the right time to tell my best friend I love her!" I retorted making her flinch at his words. My face soften once I saw that she flinched and I went to say sorry but she cut me off before I did.

"You know what!? I wished that you would have never told me! I wished that we had never met damn it! I wished that you had never talked to me on that bus! Because then I wouldn't have to feel what I'm feeling right now!" She screamed and it was like someone took a meet cleaver to my back and into my heart.

Tears pilled in my eyes but I forced them back, refusing to be the one to cry in this situation...but when it comes to her I've always felt vulnerable. It has always been so easy for me to break in front of her and cry if I need to. So I have to show her that I am strong even when it comes to her...that I can be man enough to not cry every time we fight.

"And what feeling would that be!?"

"I don't know!"  She cried, the tears brimming her  eyes. "I don't know what I'm feeling and it's your fault! It's your fault that I don't know what to do about Jared or you! What to do about the friendship I need to last and the love I want from that same friend! I don't know what to do about the love I feel for you god damn it!" A single tear slipped from her face but she quickly wiped it away.

My heart sunk in my stomach and air caught in my throat at her words...but at the same time all my senses amplify and a smile tugged at my lips. ""W-what?" I stuttered and almost slapped myself for doing so.