The One I Want

Stressed

Jin

"So...I'm thinking royal purple and white." Hoseok mutters, munching on a bag of chips while he, Jimin, and I watch our favorite kdrama. I settle back, tucking my feet under me and stare at Jimin with concern, barely listening.
He's been acting so weird lately. He's also still very pregnant. He hasn't stepped one foot out of this house, either, in a week. No contact with anyone except us and Jungkook.
"I think that sounds nice." Jimin mumbles, nibbling on his chocolate bar. I feel out of place for some reason. Perhaps it's all the pregnancy hormones in the air or something but I just don't like the atmosphere.
Sighing loudly, I draw their attention. "I'm gonna go grab a snack. Be right back."
Neither pay me any mind as they continue their baby talk and plans. Well, Hoseok's anyway. Jimin refuses to bring up anything regarding his own pregnancy. I also know he's blocked Namjoon's number on his phone.
I slump on the counter in the kitchen, getting alone time for the first moment all week. I can think.
I'm worried. And pressured.
Jungkook and his family expect me to give him an heir. I've accepted the fact considering it was in our contract from the start...the only problem? I've missed my pills and had two heats with him already with no protection and still...no baby.
A terrifying little thought sneaks its way into my mind. What if I can't get pregnant? What if something is wrong with me? As an omega—pregnancy after unprotected sex, especially with an alpha, is almost always a given. We've hardly ever used protection but during my heat and still nothing? That isn't normal.
I'm afraid to speak up about it though. I feel that it's now expected or me to be carrying. I've finally come to a place in my new life where I'm content and actually happy. I have been enjoying Jungkook's company and he's been an amazingly—albeit surprisingly—good mate to me so far.
He's completely changed from the rough arrogant selfish and childish alpha I come to first meet—if you can even call it that. His family would want him to get rid of me immediately if they thought I couldn't deliver on their expectations.
Even Jungkook's hands are tied by his parents demands for a child or he won't inherit the company he's worked so hard to grow. How can I do that to him? To them?
The fact that Jungkook thinks I'm pregnant even though that hasn't been confirmed is worrisome. It means it's on his mind. It's been awhile since my last heat and his rut and despite the few irregularities like my change in mood and taste and smell occasionally...there's nothing.
Omega carry faster than humans. If I really was pregnant there would be more extreme changes and a most of all—a bump.
My stomach is still flat. It actually looks like I've lost weight from lack of appetite. If I were pregnant I'd want to eat. I don't feel any major changes in my body except tiredness.
Jungkook says I smell different but maybe he's mistaken. Maybe he mixed up mine and Jimin's or Hoseok's scent somehow. I've been around both a lot lately and maybe the scents mingled.
But most of all...I snuck and took a pregnancy test this morning. Negative. I'm panicking. Ideally I didn't want a baby this early—or ever really planned on having one before Jungkook and his stupid contracts but...now that I've come to terms and it's planned for my future...I never thought I might not be able to get pregnant.
Logically, I should be.
It doesn't make any sense. I'm barely holding it together and the only reason I haven't broken down is because Jungkook is gone on another business trip. I hate that he's with Soyeon but secretly I'm glad he's not here right now. He'd be pressuring me to get tested and want to check up on me and...and I don't want to make him think I can't hold up my end of our deal.
I'm going to go see a doctor tomorrow. Secretly. Make sure I'm okay and not some infertile omega freak. It's unheard of. As an omega that just doesn't happen. It's one of our main reasons for existing. As upset as that makes the independent me...it's also a fact.
If I can't give him an heir...what good am I as a mate? I'd just be a burden. One I'm sure his parents demand he drop and move on from.
The random painful image of Soyeon so graciously giving Jungkook an heir in her slutty disgusting ways filter through my mind and I nearly choke, tearing up.
      I have no idea when I became so emotionally attached to the alpha but the thought of losing him in such a way or seeing someone else please him, giving him what he needs...nearly shreds me apart inside.
"Jin hyung? You okay?"
I sit up straight to see Jimin hovering right at the door. "Yeah."
"You were gone a long time and still haven't got any food..."
I force a smile, shaking my head. "Sorry. I'm just really tired. Hoseok's baby talk is boring." I tease, yawning. It's not really a lie. I am tired.
He chuckles. "He's definitely excited."
"And you?"
His eyes widen. "What about me?"
"Are you getting excited or...come to terms? Made any plans?"
Huffing, he collapses in the chair at the island counter and groans. "No! I'm so stressed. Hoseok has been distracting me and I appreciate it but I'm still worried. I never planned on ever having a baby on my own. It's too late to get an abortion now so I don't have a choice but to have it." He bites on his lip. "I'm scared."
I walk around and give him a tight hug. "You aren't alone, Minie. You have us." I hesitate. "Have you thought about—"
"No. I'm not letting that alpha bastard anywhere back in my life. He ruined me—literally. I had everything with Taehyung and was happy but...but..." he tears up, sniffling. "God, I fucked up but Namjoon was far from innocent in anything."
I nod solemnly. He isn't wrong. "No but you have to remember that what you're carrying half belongs to him, too. As my friend how would you feel if I was pregnant and cut Jungkook out of everything?"
He scoffs. "That's not fair. I love both of you. You have no such loyalty to Namjoon or even Taehyung. It's not the same at all."
Sighing, I nod. "Okay, you're right. What about Taehyung, though? He's pregnant and alone right now. Are you going to abandon him when he needs you?"
He gives me the deadliest look—too bad his small fluffiness ruins the fear I should feel off it. I grin and he looks off in annoyance. "I don't know. I've tried to contact him but he simply just texts me to call or text Namjoon! It's so frustrating like he's using Namjoon to protect himself against me! I don't get it. I know I messed up with him but how can he shut me out like this?!"
I give him a look and he rolls his eyes. "It's different than with Namjoon. I considered Taehyung my boyfriend. I wanted to mate him. I have no such connection with Namjoon."
"But he likes and wanted to mate you, correct?"
"Yeah so? I made it very clear I didn't want that."
"And yet you never told him no before...."
He groans. "Why do I feel like you're defending them and not me?! I'm your friend, remember? Be on my side!" Stubbornly.
I hold up my hands in surrender. "Alright but let me just say my thoughts once then I'll let it go."
He nods reluctantly.
"You need to think long and hard what you want and who you want it from. Do you want to keep the baby or give it up? If you want to give it up then Namjoon deserves a say in whether he wants custody or not. If you do want it then you should also make that clear so he can have visitation rights. It's his child, too. Legally he has more rights as an alpha. You'll get more leeway because you're a beta and not omega but he still outranks you." I explain softly.
He blinks. "I don't like it."
Chuckling, I look down. "I don't like it either. Never have. Anyway—and about Taehyung. You can only try to communicate but if he's done with the relationship then there's nothing for it but just like Namjoon—you also have rights to Tae's baby as the father. You need to make him talk to you about what he wants."
He at least seems to ponder my words appropriately. "Okay, you're right. I'll keep trying with Tae and...think about what to say to Namjoon." His lips turn into a pout. "You're a meanie but I guess maybe a good friend, too."
Smiling widely, I kiss his cheek. "I'm the best and you know it. Just go ask Hoseok!"
Grumbling, he gets up and walks out, leaving me alone. Helping Jimin with his problems at least seem to let me stop worrying about my own.
I still have time to give Jungkook an heir. He doesn't need one today. Just in the next couple years...surely everything will be fine. I'm worrying way too much.
I just need to be the great friend I am and focus solely on my friends' baby problems. I can do that.