The One I Want

Jelli

Jungkook

"Kook-Ah, please join me for drinks? You've been working so hard lately and could use a rest."
      I rub my eyes and glance at Soyeon out of the corner of my eye. "I think I just want to go home. Feel free to go out, though." I stand up and grab my coat.
      She pouts a little, straightening her way too short skirt. "Well, can you at least walk me to the club? It's late. What if I get attacked? Having an alpha by my side will make me feel much better."
      I glance at the clock. After midnight. I highly doubt Jin is still up and even if he is it's not like he'd spend any time with me. He hates me just as much as he always has. 
      I refuse to admit how much that hurts my fragile ego. For the last few months all I've wanted is to own the beautiful omega and now that I do...well...I don't know what to do with it. I've given him space as promised hoping he'd see how mature I could be about the situation but he's never come to me. Never given me an inch. Nothing.
      So I've given him more space...waiting for him to come to me. To just give me something. Anything to let me know he doesn't regret marrying me. He's not like other omegas that fall over themselves to please me and I like that about him. It's what keeps me wanting.
      Soyeon is beginning to annoy me. She knows I'm married—not mated but still—and yet continues to try and play games like I'm stupid. When will she take the hint?
      I'm not the same alpha I was while attending high school. I've been changing— for my father. For Jin. I've grown mentally as well as physically to take over the company. I can't be childish and selfish anymore.
       It's a drastic change in a very short period of time but I know how important appearances are to our family. They mean everything. Now that I'm only around men and women older than me, I can't be carefree and rude. I can't be a teenager. I have to be always conscious of those around me, the things I do and say, and always stay calculating.
       I wish Jin could see this, though. He still thinks I'm still that immature selfish childish alpha that forced and blackmailed him into a marriage and not the strong alpha I'm growing into. I regret the way I went about getting him.
       I wish I would have took things slower and tried to make him fall for me naturally. It was all just so fast. I was fueled by lust and possessiveness. I wish he'd just notice my efforts but he's  so fucking stubborn.
       "Soyeon, I'll just have my driver take you. I can take a cab." I sigh, dialing my driver and explaining the situation before she can protest and think up another excuse.
       Biting her lip, she timidly walks out, dejected. I make sure to go the opposite direction. I don't know why she's pushing this 'us' thing out of nowhere. Since the party she's been crazy about it almost. She used to be subtle but now she just lays it all out. Literally.
      Scoffing at her current ridiculous actions, I take a cab home and sigh as I walk up the stairs careful not to wake anyone. I pause when I see Jin's door wide open and the light still on. Glancing inside, I see him passed out on the recliner by the window.
      A smile graces my lips as I walk in, dropping my coat on the bed, and slipping my hands under his body, lifting him up and carrying him to the bed. He barely stirs as I place him under the sheets and tuck him in.
      I stare at his lovely face noticing the dark circles under his eyes. Threading my fingers through his hair, I take a deep breath, basking in his sweet scent.
      I think about the conversation my father and I just had days ago. About how he and eomma want an heir for us soon. I don't think Jin would want that. Not this soon. If ever.
       I've been thinking of maybe instead getting a surrogate or maybe artificial insemination but those don't work as well as natural paths for alphas and omegas. We'd need to be mated—officially.
       I carefully lean down and kiss his head before leaving the room. Heading into my own—the room meant for the both of us—I glare at the empty large king sized bed. Trying hard not to remember the few times we were together. It feels like those times never happened.
      Another reason I've given him space is because I know he was right. What he told me months ago really struck me. I don't know if he's ever really wanted me the times we were together. At the time, the circumstances just worked in my favor, I guess.
       To prove myself, I've refused to make the first move and force him. Yes, I forced him to stay by my side and we've both held to our deal.
      The only thing I'm worried about is my rut is coming up. Unlike omegas that experience heats every month and can take pills to help them through it—alphas suffer extreme ruts every six months and nothing can stop or repress them.
       Whereas omegas have their heats early in life—early preteens—alphas have their first ruts around the age of sixteen. I was late having my first one and have only suffered through a few so far. Those times I've been supplied with an omega to help me through it.
      Being married to Jin...I don't really know where we stand on that. I know he wouldn't want to be the one...but surely he wouldn't get angry if I chose someone else to help then, right?
       Its coming up soon so I need to make arrangements. Perhaps I should just bite the bullet and talk to him about it. I want this marriage to be real. Believe it or not, I've always planned on being faithful to my mate. The only problem is we aren't mated and he hates me...
      I don't know what to do. I'm sure Soyeon would jump at the chance to help me through my rut but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Jin's still the only one I want. Always.