The 150th Annual Hunger Games

Not the Same

Janice Senn's P.O.V. (D3)

I lay in my bed on my side, staring at the digital clock on my nightstand. It's exactly 4:36 in the morning, and I haven't slept all night. I just have so much on my mind.

When is Pau going to get back from that meeting already? He promised he'd explain everything to me when he returned. I wish Harper was here with me...the real Harper. The Harper who knew who I was, the Harper who cared and protected, the Harper who understood me, the Harper who got mad at himself every time he did what the Capitol wanted by killing, the Harper I knew. He's gone, destroyed, never to come back. I'll miss his little chuckle he made every time he and Steve were joking around, I'll miss the special moments we had. Like when he hugged me that night when Steve died, and when we sat together on the swing on the last night of the Games, and when we talked over the strawberries... Those are the things I'll cherish, the things I'll wish I could have more of, but never will. Why did this happen? Why did we both make it out? Why didn't we both just die and let Ace win? He was worthy enough, and I'm sure Panem loved him. Not Harper and I though. What's so special about us? It isn't fair...

I jump out of the bed, swiping a tear off my cheek as I make my way over to the door. The whole apartment is swimming in darkness, but it doesn't seem to affect me at the moment. I'm too distracted by my thoughts to think about my fear of the dark. I wouldn't even care if there was some assassin lurking in the shadows, just waiting for the right moment to pounce. Just make it quick...

I reach a stop in the hallway and I reach my hand out in front of me, immediately finding a round button on the wall- the elevator button. My body seems to have a mind of its own at the moment, since I don't even notice myself press the button. I think something inside me is telling me to see Harper. It might not be the right time for him, but it certainly is for me. I just need to see his face.

I walk into the elevator and the doors roll shut when I press the button with the number 4 on in. There's no going back now.

"Don't leave me too, Harper."

"Never."

The flashback echoes through my mind, causing tears to prick at the corners of my eyes. Because it happened.

Harper left me.

Just when I'm starting to have second thoughts, the elevator opens and I'm in his apartment. I look around the dark rooms, eventually finding a room with its lights still on. Eager to get out of the darkness, I approach the room- which turns out to be the dining room. I see a figure slouched at the table with their back turned to me, but I don't need a face to know exactly who it is. The crutches leaning against the table are also a dead giveaway.

I silently walk into the room behind him, wanting to observe him for a few moments before deciding whether or not I should talk to him.

"I promised her..." he mutters quietly, staring at a bowl of strawberries on the table. I don't even need to ask to know what he's thinking. Just one look at the strawberries made me think of the arena. But he's probably thinking of me, and his promise that he made to get me back. He got his wish...but did he? The truth is, I'll never be home if he's not there too.

Harper shakes his head at himself and sniffs, "She's going back. Whatever they decide tonight, Janice is going to live...I'll make sure of that..."

He runs a hand through his sandy hair as he continues to shake his head and whispering, "Why did this happen? How is she alive? How am I alive?"

I take a step forward, and now I'm close enough that I could touch him if I wanted. That's when I feel like I should go back now. I want to say something, but I think he should work things out on his own first. I turn around to leave, but I brush past his chair accidentally.

Harper is up in a flash, not even getting a look at me before swinging his fist, clocking me right in the jaw. I cry out and stumble back into the darkened hallway, stunned on the ground. Limping, Harper throws himself into the hallway, pinning me against the wall. I scream, but it gets cut short by Harper locking his fingers around my throat. It's darker in here, but I can still see his crazy eyes and heavy breathing. I hear another high-pitched scream from a woman, but I can't see her. It was probably Harper's escort.

"Harper- it's me!" I croak, gasping for air. This was a mistake!

I struggle to push his arms away, but I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker. My head is pounding with pressure and my vision is escaping me. I manage to wheeze out the words, "Remember me?"

Just then, I feel the grip loosening on my neck and I can finally breathe. I fall to my knees and start gasping for air as the lights are all switched on and three security guards storm into the room. They instantly go for Harper, pulling him away from me quickly, but it was unneeded. He already saw what he was doing and stopped himself. I shouldn't have sneaked up on him like that. I should've known...

"Get your hands off me!" Harper shouts desperately, struggling to get out of their grasp. Then he relaxes for a moment when his eyes lock with mine.

"Janice, I didn't mean it!" he calls to me as he's dragged away, "I really didn't know! I'm sorry! I didn't know what I was doing! I'm so so-"

His voice is cut off by a door slamming shut, but I could hear the sincerity in his words and the tears in his voice. It was truly an accident. I should've made my presence known. This was my fault.

I wipe my eyes as his escort starts bringing me over to the elevator.

"Is he going to be okay?" I ask, looking over my shoulder and hearing more yells from Harper from behind the door.

"Don't worry, dear, we're just going to take you back to your apartment so you can go back to sleep," Mari soothes, but I pull away from her as the elevator shuts us in.

"I really shouldn't have come up here, I'm really sorry! I just needed to see him, but when I saw his state, I thought it best I left. I wasn't thinking! It's all my fault!" I sob loudly, "Why did I come up here? I didn't know he was still that bad? How long has he been like that?"

"It's a working progress. He'll have his good days and bad days. He just needs more time to adjust to things-"

"But how long will that be? Hasn't he wanted to see me at all?"

Mari hesitates, "He really wanted to earlier, but I didn't allow it. Vinis and I knew he wasn't ready. He tried his best earlier to seem like he had everything together, but we still knew it wasn't time..."

"Why can't things just be the way they were?" I mutter to myself, realizing how ridiculous I sound. Really?! I would rather be back in the arena right now than be here?!

Yes...if it means Harper would be better...

But it doesn't matter where we are anymore, because I'm going to keep fighting for him until everything is right. Nothing will stop me from doing it, even if he kills me...

~~~~~

HIIIII!!!! I'm back with a new chapter! Whoo hoo! It feels good getting this out for you guys, I'm just not too pleased with it, so I'm sorry about that. Also I'm sorry that it's soo dang short, but it's like two AM and I've been at this for awhile, so I hope it turned out alright-ish. There's probably only one or two more chapters left before I get into the next project!

(Unedited)

~MK