My King

chapter 18

3 weeks later

Thor's POV 

Sleep was no longer fond of me and I no longer fond of it. And neither were any of my children fond of sleep. 

It's been weeks since Loki's death and we were all taking it horribly still. Milana the worst. She said he made a promise to her that he'd come back as well. But he didn't. I watched him die by the hands of Thanos. But I blame myself more than him. 

I blame myself for allowing him to be there instead of trying to get him to go away. To turn back. He didn't listen. He tried stabbing Thanos but failed. And died. 

Thanos retreated again. He isn't dead. So I wouldn't know when I could get my revenge for him killing my one true love. My ruling king, my brother, my source of life. 

It was late, around 2 am. My three eldest were in their rooms, hopefully asleep. While I was sitting out in the kitchen with my youngest son, Dakari. He was hungry so I was feeding him a bottle. 

"You would've loved your father." I whispered to the baby. "He was mischievous when we were children. He was hurt though by me and my foolishness. But he grew to be a kind, gentle king along with me. I loved him just as much as I love you. His love for you would be just as much. Maybe more. I am so sorry you won't be able to meet him, young prince. It is my fault that.. That.." 

Tears came down my cheeks as my words got caught in my throat. I was strong enough not to cry. For my children who needed me most. I never spoke out loud what I thought about his death or my feelings about it until now. I didn't realize how hard the hurt in my chest, in my heart, was. That it was as unbearable as the day I heard he got raped. This.. This was much worse than that day. And that pain, that anger, was horrible. 

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed. 

"Papa?" A voice said at the kitchen door. But I didn't look up. A hand set on my shoulder. "Hey." The voice said and took Dakari out of my arms. "I know. I miss him too." I realized it was Silas' voice. 

Silas' POV

It was hard for me when dad died. But I know it was worse for papa. I know he hasn't slept in 3 weeks. And that wasn't healthy. 

I found him sobbing in the kitchen, holding my brother in his arms. It broke my heart to see him in such pain. He rarely showed his pain about dad's death until now. 

I took Dakari from him and fed him until his bottle was finished before setting it down. And setting my hand back on papa's shoulder. "Come. I'll take Dakari to bed. I'll meet you in your room in 10, okay? Maybe I can help you sleep tonight." I told him, leading him out of the kitchen and down the hallway that led to all of our bedrooms. 

I was learning a spell from one of grandma's books to help Milana and Juniper sleep. It seemed to help them for a few hours but I couldn't figure out what to do to help them with nightmares and sleep through the whole night. But if I could just get papa to sleep for a few hours tonight, I know that'll be more than enough to at least get me to sleep. 

I changed Dakari's diaper and rocked him to sleep once I got to his nursery and then set him in his crib before exiting and walking over to papa's room. He was curled into a ball, shirtless, on his bed. His shoulders heaving. 

I walked up to him and set a hand on his head. I mumbled the spell and his shoulders stopped moving in big heaves and evened out to light, sleepy breaths. I pulled the blanket over him and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "I love you papa. More than anything." I whispered before walking out the door, turning the light off in the process.

The end.