My King

chapter 7

Loki's POV

I thought it was what he wanted. Me to look like the Jane Foster maiden that he left when he married me. Well, not necessarily left. She broke up with him. But I know she tried reaching him again. Tried calling and texting but those are useless ways to get to him while he was in Asgard. But I know she had tried. I know he saw her when him and Juni went to Midgard to get me a ring when he proposed. Thor didn't tell me, but Juni did. She doesn't remember telling me that story though. But I remember her saying that Thor and Jane laughed together and talked for a long time. She told him that she tried to reach him but failed. How she missed him and wanted him back but he said he was with me. 

Before my illusion faltered though, I saw something in his eyes. Longing. Lust. Even if he doesn't want to admit it. I know what I saw. He still has feelings for her. Even after almost 18 years of not seeing her. I knew all too well what it was like to hold back feelings because of something in your way. He. Still. Loves. Her. Not me. No matter how much he says he does, I now think he's lying to me. We've been together since the twins were little. Married for 15 years. But has the nerve to hide the lust in his eyes, in his heart for that Jane Foster. 

I harmed myself. 

I sat in the bathroom for hours after he fell asleep, crying. Finding ways to make myself bleed. To make myself not feel the emotional pain I had put myself through. What he put me through. I loved him. I fell so hard for him. I married him. Only to realize he might still love her. I know I brought it upon myself with that illusion. But I had a hunch since he proposed. I wanted to prove myself wrong, once and for all. But it backfired. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door. I stopped my crying, scared of who it was. "I can't bare to hear you crying anymore. Come out, love." My mother, Frigga's voice, said. "I had thought Thor would come but I guess he didn't."

I sobbed, standing up and walking to the door and opening it. Careful to hold an illusion to show I didn't have cuts and bruises that I inflicted on myself. "What is wrong, love? Do you miss the children already?" She asked, hugging me. I shook my head no. "I think.. I think Th-Thor d-doesn't l-love m-me.. an-nymore" I sobbed, hugging her tightly. She rubbed my back. "Honey. Of course he does. He wouldn't have asked you to rule with him over Asgard and marry you if he didn't." 

I pulled away and turned my back to her. "Baby, don't think like that. Go talk to him." She told me. "NO!" I screamed, slamming my hands against his ears. "I don't want to talk to him! He's just going to lie to me."

"Mother?" Thor's voice asked. "Go away!" I screamed, not daring to turn around. I heard her mumble something to him but I couldn't hear her over my sobs. There were footsteps walking away and a pair of arms wrapping around me. "No. Let go." I sobbed but leaned into his arms. "Then why are you leaning into me?" He asked, kissing my neck, trying to calm me down. I continued to cry. 

"Why do you think I do not love you?" He asked me, pulling me closer. But I disappeared out of his arms and on the other side of the bathroom. Farthest away from him. "I saw that look in your eyes when I changed into Jane Foster. You were wanting to have sex with her and not me. You were just saying you didn't so I wouldn't be hurt. But I know you did. You still love her. Don't you?" I growled at him. But he didn't answer. "DON'T YOU!" I yelled. "I DID!" He yelled back. 

I stopped crying and just stared at him. "I had feelings for her. She was the first person I ever dated so obviously I did. But all of that changed when you told me you liked me and the twins were born. I knew I liked you back. I love you, brother." 

I turned my head away, shutting my eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. "No you don't." I whispered. "Loki?" He asked quietly before walking over to me. "I know you've harmed. Please don't do it again. You know I do love you more than life itself. You are my everything. And so are the children." 

I shook my head no. "You don't. Stop lying." I growled, disappearing from the bathroom and away from him.