Unlikely Lovers

22: Connor

"You boys, you grow up so fast. I swear it was only yesterday that i used to sing Evan to sleep, and tuck him down into bed." She laughed, "I always knew what songs to sing, every time. I even bought him a ninja turtle night light for his room, to keep the monsters away." She laughed quietly, tears welling up in her eyes. "And now, my little baby, he's all grown up. I just wish, wish i could hold on to him. Just a little longer." She laughed awkwardly as she wiped her face, "Ah, sorry Connor." Connor shook his head.

"No i get it." Connor said, as he smiled down at his Evan, gently stroking his hair.

"He's lucky to have you." Heidi smiled. Connor just shook his head.

"Nah not really, I'm the one who is lucky. He means the world to me, more than i can say, more than he probably will ever know. He saves me." Connor felt a single tear roll down his cheek, he wiped it quickly hoping Heidi didn't notice. But by the way she smiled, Connor suspected she did.

"Yeah i know what that feels like believe me." Connor looked up.

"It must be hard, ya know, having to do this all own your own." Heidi shrugged.

"Oh well yeah it has its moment but we got through it, me and my little guy." Heidi's smile faded. "Connor i hope you don't mind me bringing this up, and don't- don't tell Evan i bought this up but... Well Evan he, he told me about your arm?" Connor felt his heart sink, he knew what was coming. He couldn't imagine what Heidi must think of him, her son dating a suicidal freak such as himself.

"Yeah." It was the only word he could muster.

"That must have been hard for you." Connor swallowed.

"Yeah, i feel bad for bring Evan into it, into my mess but it was the only thing... the only thing that stopped me going deeper. Going insane. He's the only reason I'm still alive." Heidi started crying, she got up from her chair and walked over to the sofa. To Connor's surprise she leant over and hugged Connor tightly. Connor couldn't stop the tears from falling as he hugged her back. It was the strangest feeling, to feel accepted. For everything, for all his flaws and his weaknesses. Heidi didn't once flinch at what Connor had done, or the fact he dragged Evan into it.

"I'm glad you have him Connor, i really am. And i hope he can make things better for you, and you for him. And I'm just glad he has someone to look out for him when i'm not around." She let Connor go and sat herself down on the floor next to the sofa.

"We look out for each other." Connor smiled, "I've picked up on all these little habits that he does. Like when he starts playing with the edge of his shirt it means he's nervous, or like how he looks down at the ground when he doesn't know what to say, or when he's unsure how to react he just shrugs his shoulder or nods his head. And when he starts to get overwhelmed he just stares off into space and bites his nails." Heidi just looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"Finally," she gasped with relief, "finally someone who gets him like i do." Connor just smiled. Heidi placed her hand over Connor's, "Connor?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah?" Connor replied. Heidi shook her head.

"I probably shouldn't be asking this, but is he, is my Evan-?" Heidi couldn't continue but she didn't need to. Connor knew. Connor knew what she meant. Was Evan depressed like he was. Did Evan want to kill himself. Was Evan prepared to leave her behind.

"When i first met him, a little?" Heidi nodded as the tears fell.

"I just, i feel like it's so hard to reach him some times, it's like I'm speaking a whole different language and i feel he's trying to tell me something as i just don't understand." Her head fell into her hands. Connor placed his hand on her shoulder.

"But not anymore," Heidi looked up, Connor shook his head, "not anymore, i really think he's okay now. We have each other," He wrapped his other arm around Evan and held him close, "and it's not perfect but it's enough." She nodded.

"You are welcome to stay the night if you like, i can grab some pillows?" Connor nodded.

"Thanks." Heidi just nodded as she fetched some pillows and extra blankets from the cupboard. Connor set himself up and snuggled down, making sure he didn't disturb Evan. He made sure he texted Zoe so she wasn't waiting on him.

Connor: Hey Zoe, staying the night at Evan's, pick me up tomorrow?

Zoe: Okay, USE PROTECTION

Connor: Fuck you

Zoe: Dude I'm you're sister there are laws against that

Connor: I hate you

Zoe: I hate you too, anyway have fun just text me tomorrow.

Connor shook his head and laid down on the pillow. He soon fell asleep.