Fated Love

Chapter 25

(Deans POV)
I took a long hot shower  my tears running down in perfect synchronicity with the running hot water. Finally the cat was out of the bag.

What I had  dreaded the most, was finally happening. I felt dead and at the same time alive.No more lies. All I had to focus on, was getting Sharon to forgive me. But that could not be possible until she was calm.

I turned off the shower and picked a black towel. After toweling off, I put on a pair of clean boxer then hurried back to the bedroom. For a moment I thought she had found her purse with the house keys, and left me-God forbid.

However, She was laying there both her limbs spread out . It was obvious she wasn't intending to share the bed with me, but that was okay.

I knew it was wrong of me to behave like I didn't care but  I just didn't want to stand in front of her and see her cry in pain and agony, that I caused her. I loved Sharon with the whole of my being and it wasn't fair to stand in front of her and play the victim when I was the bad guy.

That was going to be first time we were sleeping in separate rooms under the same roof. That was the ‘so near yet so far’ kind of situation, that I had forced upon us. Sadness and guilt gnawed the whole of my inside. It ate through me, leaving me weak and numb.
I knew it was well deserved. I caused that.
I ruined us. My recklessness ruined us. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how she was feeling right then. I broke her to pieces. I fucked her so badly I was even ashamed to look at her.

I did not deserve to  shed  a tear in front of her. I didn't deserve her as my wife and hell I wasn't worth those tears she shed because of me.

yet, I was not willing to let her go. I was not willing to let my happiness slip right through my fingers. I was certain I wanted Sharon as my partner for all my lives and I wouldn't screw that up by letting her go.


I went ahead and threw on a gray sweatpants and walk out to get a cold water. I needed a damn reality check. On the way, I still couldn't understand why she reacted like that to my confession.

I wondered why she threw me that look of doubt, when I mentioned how far along Zhela was in her pregnancy.

It was clear she did not buy it. Did she really think I cheated on her more than once? For Pete's sake I couldn't even remember the one time that I supposedly did it.

I really, really needed a something stronger than could water. I didn’t care that I had sworn not to drink ever again. I just wanted to get wasted and stop feeling . Because to be honest, I did not like what I was feeling  .

I had hurt the woman I loved and had sworn to protect with my life .In that case I preferred to deal with pounding pain of hangover rather than the heartache I caused.

I wished to mess up the second time but I wanted the woman to be her. I wanted to mess up with her and wake up with her in my arms. Then I wanted her to tell me days later, that she was  pregnant. I wanted to have a baby with her.I shouldn't have arranged to wait till two years to have children.

It was some minutes to two when I left for the empty bed. The thought killed me.I literally crawled my way up since I was too weak to even walk on two. I struggled for some minutes and I finally got to our room. Our ex- bedroom. I saw the bed empty and it hit me hard that Sharon refused to sleep there,  she refused to be near me tonight.

She said it loud and clear that she did not want to be anywhere near me. I  disgusted her. She was repulsed by me and she probably gagged every time I was near her.

I didn't blame her though, I would feel the same about me too. It was my own body and every time I thought of what I had done,I resisted the urge to disinfect myself.