Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

twenty-four

"I said, I am married." I repeat, a little louder this time.

"You are married? As in still currently married?"

"Yes. But let me explain-"

"Explain what exactly, Kelsey? Oh my god, I can't believe this. You're fucking married. I'm dating somebody else's wife. This is fucking insane."

"If you'd just let me finish-"

"Do you not understand what's going on here?" He yells

"You don't get it! Technically, yes, I'm still married! But for the past two and a half years I haven't been married! I left him, but legally we're still married!"

"This is fucking insane. This why you're here, isn't it? Oh my god. I'll be back later. I can't do this right now." Michael replies, walking out of the hotel room and letting the door slam behind him.

The second Michael is gone, I shuffle around my things to try and find my phone. The moment I find it I call Ashton, needing to talk this through.

"Hey, what's up?" Ashton casually answers the phone.

"Ashton, he- he found out." I choke out, starting to sob.

"Woah, Kels, what?" Ashton asks, quickly becoming concerned.

"Michael. He found my wedding ring and he came here and he confronted me and I had to tell him about Luke, and I don't even know what's happening and I need help and-"

"Kelsey! Stop rambling! It's okay, talk to me." Ashton interrupts, as my tears continue to flow.

"I don't want to lose Michael over this. I'm not married. I'm not. I told him I'm not, but he walked out, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Hey, I know. It's okay, I can talk to him if you want. He'll get over it." Ashton quickly replies, trying his best to keep me calm.

I take a couple deep breaths, "I don't want you to talk to him. I'll deal with it but I just I'm panicking. Oh my god. My boyfriend just found out about my husband. Do you know how fucked up that sounds! Fuck, he's right, this is insane. I'm insane."

"Kelsey, stop!"

"I can't fucking do it, Ashton. I can't confront Luke, I can't deal with Luke. I can't deal with Michael, I don't know how to solve this with Michael. I need a drink, fuck, I can't do this sober."

"Kelsey, don't fucking do it, I swear to god." Ashton warns in a stern tone. He's just trying to do his best to scare me, since there's nothing he can do about it from over a thousand miles away.

"I think I have to." I reply, looking over at the minibar in my hotel room. I hadn't even noticed it before, normally I would've requested it to be taken out. But now all I can see is the alcohol.

"Nina, what's Kiana's number? I need to call her, now!" Ashton yells at Nina, being sure he wasn't too loud to me.

"Don't do that, Ashton. She doesn't know." I beg, not wanting her to find out this way.

"Well maybe it's time she does, because I'm not letting you do this."

I roll my eyes before hanging up on Ashton.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, only a few steps away from all the alcohol, I began to wail. I couldn't stop crying. Everything was such a mess. Eighteen-year-old me would've never pictured this as my life.

There was never a point where I had planned to become an addict and trying to divorce my husband at twenty-two years old. I should be with Luke in our own place as he works every day at his parents company and I go to classes. But things turned out differently than I had planned.

Part of me thinks I shouldn't have been selfish. Part of me thinks I should've never left Seattle, because none of this would be going on right now. But I know I would've regretted never leaving. I'm stuck in the middle of what I have and what could've been. It's wrong for me to think that I shouldn't have taken this opportunity, because I love UCLA. I love my friends. Everything else just seemed to go so wrong.

It felt like I had been crying for hours, though I know I hadn't, when there was a loud banging on the door.

"Kelsey, baby, open the door." Michael calls from the other side, making me want to get drunk and sleep forever even more than I already did.

Staying put in my spot on the bed was the only option I seemed to have.

But the second he remembers he has a key, he lets himself in, "Kels, hey, you're okay."

He quickly sits next to me, wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight. I don't hug him back though. I just sit there, tears running down my cheeks as I stare off towards the alcohol.

"Hey, look at me, I'm still so fucking upset but I will never, ever stop caring. Ashton texted me while you were on the phone with him. I'm here to help you." Michael tells me, gently putting his finger on my cheek, turning my head to face him.

"I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you." I cry, biting my lip to try and hold back.

"You're so worthy, Kelsey. You're worthy of everything you have. There's no reason for you to always look down on yourself like this." Michael whispers, staring into my eyes.

"But I've been lying to you. I'm a fucking addict that's about to relapse after almost two fucking years of being sober. I'm so fucked up." I choke out, just looking at him was breaking my heart.

"That's not true."

Michael never deserved any of this. He is such an amazing person with such a pure heart. There's no reason that I should've done this to him. He deserves so much more than me.

"You know it's true, Michael. You deserve somebody that has their shit together. You deserve somebody who isn't married! Oh my god, I'm still married."

"We should... I think we should talk about that."

"I don't know..."

"Is he why you're here? You're going to see him?" Michael questions, moving away from me a bit.

"No, Michael-"

"Actually- you know what? Not now. I don't want to fight. I want to be here for you because I'm not letting you relapse." Michael replies, reaching out to grab my hands.

There's a knock at the door, and I give him a questioning look.

"I asked the front desk to come and remove the alcohol from the room." Michael tells me, standing up and kissing the top of my head before answering he door.

Once it's gone and Michael says a quiet thank you, he shuts the door, coming back over to me.

"Michael, ba- uh, you don't have to stay. I'm okay, and I completely understand that you're upset with me. But I'll be fine alone." I tell him, knowing it's hard for him to stay here with me.

He nods, "I'll only leave if I know you'll be here. If you were to relapse because I wasn't there for you... I don't know what I'd do with myself."

"I promise, I'll be okay. My temptation is out of sight, it's out of mind, mostly. Don't worry about me." I weakly smile, reaching out and gently squeezing his hand.

"Okay. We'll talk tomorrow." He nods, forcing a sad smile before leaving behind the key I gave him, and walking out the door.

The door clicks shut, and I'm left alone with my thoughts.

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oof. here we go. I told y'all Seattle is where too much drama is gonna come in. see y'all soon.