Secrets | Zayn Malik

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december 8

I tried really hard to keep serious. To maintain the best poker face I possibly could considering the feeling of tension and constriction in the obnoxiously large room that contained just the two of us but I literally stood there, my eyes watching his every move when I fucking snorted out of my nose. I widened my eyes even more as if pretending I was surprised would help the situation but instead of receiving anything reassuring from Zayn he broke eye contact and shook his head. His hands were entangled in his hair for a few seconds before he smacked his lips together and suddenly I found myself intrigued by them as if they hadn't touched every inch of my body less than twenty four hours ago.

"I'm trying really hard here," he said.
"Mm-hm. I know," I laughed again but tried to cover it up with a few pathetic coughs and even held my hand up to my mouth. I was only acting like this because I was so uncomfortable with the situation and the fact that I had those only two choices and there was no room in my life, especially right now to stress even the slightest bit over it. I mean if you had looked at what I had been through so far; it kind of made sense that I would counter back like that.
Of course Zayn wasn't thinking this at all and no matter how bad I wanted to open my mouth and tell him that this was now probably just a natural reaction, he gave me nothing but the death stare. His eyes were a deep black and I could see a vein pop out from underneath his neck due to how hard he tensed his jaw. His jaw that was so fucking sharp -- fuck. "Can I ask you why the hell you think this is funny?" Yeah, there was absolutely no way he took any of this lightheartedly.
I shook my head in defense and held my hands out in an attempt to explain myself but all I could say was, "it's not."
"Obviously you think it is. You're fucking laughing in my face, Maci."
"No," I closed my eyes briefly and breathed deep before looking him in the face once more, fighting every urge in my body to let out even just a small snicker. I took a step towards him and held his hands in mine, his fingers warmer than usual and the veins in his outer palm very prominent underneath his inked skin. "This -- it's not on purpose I swear. I just, I don't know what else to say--"
"So you what, laugh?" He yanked his hands away and for a split second my mind flashed back to that first moment I ever touched him. Back in the small coffee place where I had accidentally spilled an entire mug of coffee all over his damn white t-shirt. A day I obviously didn't regret. "Not only is it rude but it's quite easy to make your choice here," his accent was so heavy that it took me a little longer to comprehend what even came out of his mouth. It was something that happened a lot and was a fortunate thing for me because it only hinted that he was actually getting mad regardless of how much he wanted to deny it if he ever tried.
"Listen--" I was cut off, again but this time it was a noise that came out from his pocket. Both of our attention veered to the phone he pulled out quickly, the screen black and dark and the call or message or whatever it was answered within just seconds. Zayn held the speaker up to his ear before looking back at me with the same exact pissed off look from before. "Get dressed. The bell boy brought your duffel up sometime this morning and your phone has gone off more times than I'd like it to. Might want to answer your lover."
It was my turn to glare at him as he stepped around me and walked towards the patio door. "Zayn," I said firmly, the smug look disappearing from my face.
"We're going out. Maybe then we can talk when you decide to stop acting like a fucking child," he didn't even turn his head to look at me, just tilted it off to the side far enough that I could see he had gotten a new tattoo just at the spot above his ears, well hidden underneath the hair he had obviously grown out for over a month now. I frowned at what he said but didn't have time to respond with anything for he was quick to step out into the outdoors, sliding the glass door behind him with that stupid phone glued to his ear like always.

I turned around and clenched my fists tight, rolling my eyes as I went around the corner and walked down the hallway I had tiptoed through last night. A million thoughts ran through my head at how much that situation could've improved if I had just acted maturely but honestly what the fuck? Zayn really was just going to lay it out for me loud and clear and expect an honest answer right on the spot? I shook my head slightly and eyed the duffel that laid beside the shoes I had taken off last night stuffed with random shit from my dorm; the same exact duffel I had brought with me to Harry's. Inside I could hear my phone vibrate just twice before I bent down to unzip the pocket to take it out already regretting it in the back of my head. Despite the fact that I was in the process of unlocking my phone and scrolling through the notifications I received from Gina and Mel and even Liam and Harry, my mind couldn't get over the fact that Zayn and I kind of just basically went at it because I fucking laughed at the most inappropriate time; I didn't just laugh either, I deadass snorted. But what the hell did he expect after throwing what he just said to me out of nowhere? My phone vibrated some more and after a few more messages, Gina's face filled up my entire lock screen as she began to call me. Sighing and not even knowing what to say other than the fact that I was going to keep this entire thing a secret, I pressed my thumb against the green button with a phone logo drawn onto it.