Nerdy || matt espinosa

Chapter 28- Miss him

My head is throbbing. My heart is racing. My mind is spinning. And there's an annoying faint beeping in the background. I feel like screaming at it to shut up, whatever it is.

I want to sleep forever, never to be disturbed again. But something kept persuading me to wake up, to open my eyes. Some voice in the back of my head just screaming at me to pull myself together and wake the hell up, to be honest it sounds a lot like Matt's voice.

I feel like I'm hiding inside my body, like I don't actually control it anymore or even own it. I'm just a simple pesky stow-away hoping to stay hidden forever. The worst part is, I think I like it. It's relaxing, I don't have to worry about anything or anyone, I'm free. But at the same time it feels.. wrong.

Then boom, in some unfortunate event I found myself in my own body again, controlling myself again. I found my eyes slowly opening into slits, everything was blurry so I blinked again, the annoying beeping becoming more clear.

It's a hospital machine.

My head feels so heavy, along with my eyes. As if someone had tied weights to my eyelids, they eventually opened. I was surprised at what I had found.

Matthew Lee Espinosa sat at the edge of my bed, my hand in his. His head is bowed and his eyes squeezed shut, his cheeks appear to be wet and- wait.. MATTHEW!! HE'S HERE!! WAIT why is he crying?!

"M-Matt?" I coke out, my voice hoarse and sore. Wait why am I in the hospital? Then it all came back. Brent's house, the chips, my passing out. I almost laugh at how embarrassed I am right now.

"Claire! Clarissa, oh my god!" Matt stood abruptly as he wrapped me in his arms tightly. Surprised, I hugged him back, taking a moment to realize Matt's home early and in my arms again. I take in his scent as I feel his body rake with sobs.

"Matthew w-why are you crying?" I ask. Could he be crying because I had an allergic reaction?

"Y-you scared me Claire," he whispers without releasing me.

"Matt," I hesitate, tears brimming my eyes as I suck in a breath. "I'm sorry."

"Claire baby don't you ever ever do that to me again. Can you imagine the thoughts swirling through my head as I get a call in the middle of Magcon from my mom saying that you were in the hospital?! I just, I couldn't-" he cuts himself off as he pauses before taking in a shaky breath and releasing me while taking my face in between his hands. "I love you Clarissa, I love you so much."

"I love you too," I nod my head as he bows down, his lips softly coming in contact with mine. I could taste his tears and feel his wet cheeks and I smiled into the kiss. I had an allergic reaction and he flew down from Dallas to see me. I almost laughed because I was so stressed that Matt might be with someone else up there but nope. Here he is in all his glory to let me know he cares about me.

He pulls back and presses his forehead to mine as he inhales a sharp breath before letting it out slowly.

"I can't lose you. Not now, not ever. But someday I will and I won't be able to take it and-"

"Matthew stop," I whisper. "You won't ever lose me okay? I love you and only you."

He smiles before placing his gentle lips on my forehead while rubbing circles on my temples. Although it is relaxing and soothing I know he has to go back. I know it won't last. I want to ask him to stay but I know I can't, I know I could never bring myself to say it, to ask him to stay with me instead of doing the one thing he wants to do.

So instead I squeeze my eyes shut and smile. He's here now and that's all that matters. He kisses my cheek and sits on the chair beside my bed while taking my hand in his, tracing circles on my knuckles as he tells me about al the fun he's had.

He's cut off as Brent walks in the door all puffy eyed and worrisome. "CLAIRE!" He screamed as he caught sight of me awake, causing my pounding head to pound even more and I winced. "Oh, sorry," he said sheepishly. "I'm so glad you're okay! I was so worried and I cried.. a lot.. But I didn't know you were allergic to salt and vinegar chips! if you had to have told me that then I-i-."

"Brent," I laugh. "it's fine, I'm okay right? When can I get out of here?"

"Ill page the doctor," Brent said as he pushed the red button on my head rest. Shortly a doctor entered my room with a clipboard in hand.

"Ms. Pollard!" The doctor smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Way better than before," I chuckle. When can I get out of here?" I asked.

"If you're feeling well than I see no reason to keep you here," the doctor said as he skimmed through my file. "Stay away from salt and vinegar chips!" He warns. "You had a severe allergic reaction so were giving you an epi-pen in case this ever happens again."

"Alright," I said as Matt helps me come to my feet and prepare to leave. He hands me my clothes as I head to the bathroom to change. Once I'm out he takes Brent and I home, dropping Brent off first before stopping in front of my house.

"You really scared me today, Claire," Matt sighs as we sit in the idling car. "I was so worried. And just the thought that I wasn't there for you, I didn't protect you like I promised to I couldn't bare it Claire. So I've decided I'm not going back," he finishes.

"Matthew!" I yell. "Don't be so stupid! What is even wrong with you?! Why would you give up doing something you love just so you can stay here and keep an eye on me 24/7?!"

""I thought you'd be happy!" He raises his hands in defence. "I'm staying, doesn't that make you happy?!"

"Yes, Matt," I sigh. "Of course it does I love you, it's the fact that you're staying here instead of doing something you love because of me!"

"Baby, it's not because of you. I missed you 24/7 I couldn't have any fun because I was always thinking about you!"

"Great! Now I keep you from having fun!" I throw my hands up in the air.

"Clarissa! I don't want to go back, I want to stay here with you!" He argues as he finally turns the car off. "I'm staying, I already told the managers." he says a he leaves the car.

"Matthew!" I shout a I get out of the car as well. He walks up to my door, opening it as I follow in behind. I saw my mom at the hospital so we've already hugged and what not. I follow Matt downstairs, screaming my arguments at him as he falls I to my bed. "What are you doing?" I fold my arms in front of my chest.

"Sleeping, you can join me or you can continue yelling at me about something I already have my mind made up on." He says as he holds his arms open. I stand my ground for a moment before finally giving in and crawling into the covers, allowing him to wrap his arms around me and trap me in an embrace.

Because, I missed him.