Nerdy || matt espinosa

Chapter 18- Cancer

I slowly turned the cold metal knob, Nash and Cameron hanging back a bit. I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut as I swing the door open, taking a few steps in.

"Damn it Nash," I hear Matt's voice chirp from the bed.

"Matthew..." I whisper. He closes his eyes and opens his arms for me and I race to him, squeezing him tightly as he does the same to me.

"Clarissa I'm so sorry," he says and I realize he's crying with me. "I didn't want to hurt you when I'm gone so I figured if you hated me it would make it easier on you."

"Matt if you had've died while we were still fighting that would have hit me ten times harder than if you just came out and told me," I admit. "I would have never forgiven myself."

"Claire, I love you," he whispers in my ear.

"I love you, too, Matthew," I whisper.

* * *

I was asleep in the chair next to Matt's bed when I awoke to a startling sound.

A long buzzing sound.

"Matthew!" I screamed as I jolted awake. I grabbed onto his shoulders and shook him. "Matthew open your fucking eyes! Matt! Matt, wake up!" A doctor grabbed me by the waist and hauled me out of the room as the nurses and doctors rushed in to save my hero.

To save my hero.

So here I am, an hour later, sitting in the waiting room next to Nash and Cameron. Matt's mom should be here any minute.

"He's going to be fine guys," Nash says.

"We know, Nash," Cameron whispers. In all honesty, Nash is trying to convince himself that.

"Mrs. Espinosa?" The doctor enters the waiting area and we all hop up. "I'm very, very sorry to inform you of this heavy information, but 18 year old Matthew Espinosa has passed away. Time of death, 1:03AM," the doctor says.

"No!" I scream. "No, no ,no ,no ,no! He's not dead! You're lying!"

"Can we... can we see him?" Nash's weak voice whispers.

"Right this way," the doctor nods.

"Matthew," Nash whispers as he erupts into tears.

"No," Cameron looks at the ground.

We stand in front of the hospital room glancing at each other.

"I'm not going in there," Cameron whispers, Nash and I nod. We enter the now eerie, cold hospital room.

There he is. There's my hero in all his glory lying lifelessly on the bed and all I want to do is scream how much I hate him for leaving me like this!

He just dropped this news on me like a bomb and he never bothered to tell me, 'oh hey Claire, I've got cancer you know?'.

I stop my thoughts. I don't hate him, I don't hate him! Nash quickly leaves the room, tears streaming down his cheeks. I stride up to my, I guess you could say, boyfriend.

"Matthew," I whisper. It's extremely hard to believe a human being can cry this much. How can he be dead? I was holding him in my arms a few hours ago!

I lay down beside my lifeless boyfriend and lay my head on his chest. I held my breath and listened, praying to here his heart beat. But none was there.

"Matthew, why did you leave me? How could you leave me? I'm going to miss you so much. I don't even know what to say. Matt you were my everything, I loved you. Matthew, remember that time we were eating strawberries at your house and we realized we forgot to pick my brother up from soccer? Or that time we went out on the road in the rain and blasted songs while singing and dancing? And that time when we kissed for the very first time." I sit up and look at him, into his chocolate brown eyes.

I lift my hand and close his eyes. No one will ever see the way they glisten ever again. Because Matthew is gone and I'd give everything I have to bring him back.

I can't figure out a way to let my emotions out. I'm dying on the inside without my hero to save me.

I lean in and peck his lips.

"I love you Matthew Lee Espinosa, I'll see you soon."

(Ha. You thought it was over? Cute.)