all the world's a stage // prinxiety ✔

♡ 23 - live & die fortissimo ♡

"Do you know where Declan is?" Logan asked, heated. "He's late."

It was nothing new for any of them.

But it wasn't rehearsal.

It was a show, and they needed Marvin. It would start in an hour, but to be on time was to be late, and to be late was unacceptable.

Virgil pulled out his phone.

Virgil: hey

Virgil: we have a show

Virgil: declan

Virgil: where are you?

Logan went to get Declan's standby, whose name was Luke. "Jesus Christ..." he muttered. "The run is just starting. We can't have it shutting down because of him."

♡

Virgil got used to Luke pretty quickly, and was surprisingly more comfortable performing with him than with Declan.

Roman was distressed. He always wanted something fucked up to happen to Virgil and Declan's relationship, but now it was just... totally indescribable.

"Ro... What if he did it like he told me he would?"

♡

Everyone managed to mostly keep their shit together during their performance, but it was weird.

Declan never replied to Virgil. He never called in to explain why he wasn't there.

He just overslept. That's it.

No he didn't. It's 8 pm. You don't have shows in the morning.

He took a nap.

Maybe.

He never liked doing the last part where he had to die, but today, it was a relief. That way, he could cry and let go backstage for a second and when he walked back on, no matter how obvious it was that he was crying, it would be fitting enough to sing the love-death song before the finale, which he didn't have to be in.

While he was backstage during Falsettoland (Reprise), he turned on his silenced phone for any updates. Only one new text, and it wasn't from Declan, but Patton.

Patton: You need to come over asap. I didn't want to talk about this earlier in the day so I could take some stress off you while you perform, but this is really really important

Virgil: i mean im finishing up one rn. i gtg back on for curtain call, so ill be back in like 20 mins

Virgil: im not doing stagedoor today so ill text you in my dressing room when im getting ready to leave

Virgil: nothing bad is happening right?

Patton: Well

Virgil: oh shit gtg now

♡

"Why are you in such a rush?" Roman asked. His bag was slung over his shoulder as he rushed after Virgil in the chill New York breeze.

"I have to go to Patton's apartment. He told me he had to talk and it was really important, but I couldn't get any more clues of what he wants to say," he explained.

"Oh! Do you think he knows what happened with Declan today?"

"Uhh... Huh. Actually, yeah! They're roommates! Oh my God, I'm a moron!"

"Tell me everything!"

"I will!" Now that Virgil was almost sure of what he was going to hear, he was ready.

♡

He wasn't ready.

"Like, gone?"

Patton, laughing awkwardly to try to push back his tears, handed the note to Virgil.

I have never belonged anywhere.

A punch in the face. A gunshot. A heartbreak.

I wish I could help others. I wish I could make someone feel a way I feel for someone else. But I can't do that.

Everywhere I walk, I leave a trail of agony behind for others to pick up and carry for me.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone I hurt. Every single time there's someone there, they leave. Or they almost do, and I intentionally fuck up to make them leave me. I know everyone can do better. I know that.

My parents, my brother, Virgil.

I'm sorry, Otto. I'm sorry, Virgil. I'm sorry, Patton.

I love you.

I say that I'm sorry so many times but every time I try to improve from those mistakes that made me say that, I fail. Miserably. I fall flat on my face.

Life is so lonely, and dark, and cold. I want to curl up in a blanket underground.

I have never belonged anywhere. Especially not here. Not where it hurts too much to bear and I'm too weak to change. I'm too weak to love, but all I do is love, to the point where I don't know how to do it correctly.

That didn't make sense, I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry for all the pain I caused.

Goodbye,
Declan Seymour

P.S. Don't blame yourself for this. This is my doing.