Dangerous Love//Shawn Mendes

Chapter 60

**possible trigger warning**

I put down the letter and just stared at it. I was silently sobbing as I stood up, but something had come over me. I didn't even really know what I was doing as I picked up the phone, hit call and waited for him to pick up. My chest hurt so much that I didn't know if I'd be able to speak as his voice came through the phone.

'Eleanor, is everything okay?' He said quietly, and my voice came out monotone and thick with tears as I opened my mouth to reply.

'Shawn, I-I need you to-to' I tried to say, but I was hyperventilating so much that I could only talk in short sharp breaths.

'Just-just take a deep breath, what's going on, talk to me.' He said, springing into action, alarmed at my tone.

'I can't-cant do it anymore' I said in short breaths and I heard him swear under his breath. I didn't know what I was feeling, but I knew that I had lost him, the one person I'd ever truly loved, and I didn't know if I could live with myself for that.

'Listen to me, just stay on the line, everything's gonna be okay, I'm coming.' He said firmly, but his words coming out in a rush.

'Why is she calling you?' I heard a girl's voice say through the phone, and I felt a wave of nausea come across me at what I'd seen earlier today.

'I gotta go over there, I'm sorry' he said half heartedly to her, not taking the phone away from his ear to make sure I was still there.

'You're not going over there.' I heard Kristen say, and I couldn't move.

'I don't have time to talk about this, I just-I need to go.' He said, his voice distorting as he rushed around the apartment.

'If you go, I'm-I'm breaking up with you.' Kristen said, and then I heard a door slam.

'Eleanor I'm on my way right now, just don't move.' I hung up the phone and let it fall to the floor. I moved robotically up the stairs and into the bathroom, silently hyperventilating as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I watched the image of myself waver as my nerve endings began to tingle, the full brunt of the panic attack coming over me. It was really dawning on me that this was my life, and I couldn't fix it. There was so, so much pain, and yet I was numb, I had given up. On the inside I was crying, screaming, writhing in agony, but on the outside all there was to show were the tears falling from my cheeks. My fingertips trembled as I clawed through the cabinets to find a bottle of pills. I didn't even care that Shawn was coming; he couldn't fix it now, the damage was done. I pulled out a bottle of red pills and unscrewed the cap, emptying as many as I could into my hand. I stared down at them, pausing for a moment; this was it.

Suddenly I heard the door crash open and footsteps pound through into the house.

'Eleanor' I heard Shawn yell out as he sprinted up the stairs, and at the sound of his voice I broke out into sobs, the pills falling from my hand and scattering across the bench. When he came into the room he immediately wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair. I let myself go limp as he held me, barely able to stand with such relief as I heard the familiar beating of his heart against my ear, overwhelmed by his touch.

He crouched down with me in his arms and leant back against the wall, pulling me into his lap to keep me close to him. He was crying silently as he took in the pills scattered across the room, pulling my head into his chest. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of his body, his broad arms enveloping me as we both cried.

'Look at me,' he whispered, cupping my cheek with one hand, his thumb gently swiping at my tears. As my eyes locked with his, everything came back to me, the butterflies, the feelings, the connection.

'It's okay.' He whispered, taking in my features as he looked over me.

'No, no it's not, none of this is okay.' I sobbed, my chest aching despite the feeling of being back in his arms.

'He-he doesn't look at me the way you do- the way you did, and he doesn't understand me like you did and when I cry he doesn't wipe my tears away like you do, he just lets them fall, and he loves me and I can't love him because I still love you Shawn.' As I said the words, it felt as though my chest was being cracked open, all of the feelings that had been building up suddenly spilling out of me, his thumb still sweeping my tears away.

'But I shouldn't love you because you hurt me, and you crushed my heart up into a million pieces and it hurt so much that I couldn't even breathe. I shouldn't love you because you have her now and she makes you happy and everything with her is simple and easy, but I do. I love you.' I said in a rush, finishing in a quiet whisper.

His hand went still against my cheek as he took in my words, and then he crashed his lips against mine, kissing me hungrily and with urgency. The moment his lips touched mine, my pain disintegrated, fireworks exploding around me as relief flooded my senses. After a few seconds he pulled away reluctantly and pressed his forehead to mine, breathing heavily.

'We can't do this' he whispered, and until this moment I had completely forgotten about Will or Kristen. As his breath fanned over my face and his eyes pierced mine, I couldn't bring myself to care. Even as the words left his mouth he was leaning closer to me.

'Fuck it' he said against my mouth as his lips found mine again, his tongue hungrily exploring my mouth in perfect rhythm. His hands cupped my face to keep me close to him, and his lips drew down my jaw.

'I want you- I need you.' He whispered against my skin as his lips traced delicate patterns up my neck. I pulled back to look at him, to take in the beautiful boy sitting in front of me, then lunged back into the kiss. After a few minutes he began to pull me up to stand, still kissing as we came to our feet in the middle of the bathroom, his hands roaming my body. I was so caught up in him, his touch, his lips, his scent, everything else in the world had drifted away.

'Get the fuck off of her.' I pushed Shawn off of me before I had even registered what was happening. As I turned around, I locked eyes with Will, his face turning red with rage, my mistake dawning on me.

'Will I'm so sorry.' I said as he began to walk forwards, and then he threw a punch against Shawn's cheek. Shawn recoiled from the impact and I yelled out for Will to stop, but even as the words left my mouth Will threw an even harder punch. As Shawn paused to orientate himself, Will grabbed him by the collar and forced him up against the bathroom wall.

'How can you live with yourself after what you did to her.' He sneered, then forced his fist against Shawn's nose, blood spurting everywhere.

'Will please stop, I'm so, so sorry just please stop trying to hurt him.' I screamed as I watched it all take place, but Will took no notice.

With one last blow to the head, Shawn fell, his head hitting the corner of the bathroom bench and then the tiled floor, the sound making my blood curdle. I dropped to my knees next to him, rolling him onto his back.

'Shawn, please wake up' I cried urgently, desperately taking his face in my hands. I felt the blood leave my face as I waited for him to wake up, his chest barely moving.