Dangerous Love//Shawn Mendes

Chapter 32

His grip tightened on the steering wheel as the words left my mouth and hung in the air like a rotten smell. We had pulled up outside the apartment now, but I felt too heavy to move from the car.

'What? I don't understand, someone set the fire on purpose?' I simply nodded my head, my breathing too erratic to say anything.

'I can't believe that Eleanor that's-that's terrible. I'm so sorry.' He opened his arms to me and I buried my head in his shoulder, staining his white t-shirt with tears. He lightly rubbed my back, his fingers tracing patterns over the thin material of my t-shirt.

'Why would someone do this?' I sobbed quietly, but neither of us had an answer.

Eventually we made our way inside, and I flopped down on the couch. The TV was still on from when we had left, and was airing an old Friends episode. I'd seen this one what felt like millions of times, but the familiarity was comforting. It even almost made me laugh, which felt foreign after what I'd been through in the past 3 days. It all felt like a lifetime ago, my old life; before my parents had died, before things with Shawn had fallen apart, before I'd even met him. Everything had been so simple, I'd had my ballet, my close friends and Will, and that was all I had thought I had needed. I couldn't go back to living like that, to being without him, now that I knew what it was like to love someone like that. But I missed the simplicity, I missed knowing that everything would work out, never having to worry about my next move, because it was already planned out for me. But now I didn't even know if I could see myself dancing anymore, now that my mother wasn't here for me to share it with. Nothing felt the same, my body was heavy and worn, not light and graceful the way it had once been. It was almost like the life was gone from me, and I didn't know if I would ever get it back.

Shawn interrupted me from my train of thought by wrapping his arms around me from behind, his biceps crossing over my chest.

'I gotta go pick up some things from the store, are you gonna be okay here for a half hour.' He said, planting a kiss on my cheek.

'Just come back soon.' I said meekly, wrapping my hands around his arms to hold him closer to me.

'I'll be as fast as I can, I promise.' I kissed his lips, allowing myself to linger there, to savour it a few moments longer. I couldn't say I loved the idea of being here alone after the news I had just been given, but at some point we were going to need more food.

It wasn't until about an hour after he had left that I began to allow myself to feel uneasy. Already counting the minutes until he returned, I tried not to let myself panic as they passed by; he could have gotten side-tracked, he could have hit a traffic jam. There were millions of reasons that I tried to make myself believe, but none of them would stop my palms from sweating or my mind from racing. The events of the past few days had made me paranoid, I knew that much, but he had said half an hour. Why wasn't he back yet? Picking up the phone, I let my fingers find their way through his digits, and then anxiously waited for him to pick up.

'Shawn, I was just wondering how far you are from home. It's been almost and hour and I'm just, I just wanted to know if you're close by. Call me back, I love you.' I tried not to sound to frazzled as I recorded my voice message. The phone had gone straight to voicemail, so he either had his phone off or he had declined the call. I was being irrational, I realised this, but as the minutes passed by those thoughts became louder in my mind.

20 minutes later, I tried again, but was met with that same voicemail recording of him.

Not long after, I heard the stumbling of footsteps down the corridor, echoing through the interiors of the apartment block. Standing up in anticipation, I felt my heart begin to pound as I watched the door handle shift downwards.

I was flooded with both relief and a terrible sinking feeling as he came back through the door. He was limping slightly, and there was blood dripping from the side of his face, his left eye swollen and tinged purple.

'Oh my God Shawn, what happened to you?' I gasped, immediately crossing over to him to help him to the couch. I drew on what little first aid I had gathered and went to get a wet cloth and a cold compress, then perched myself next to him on the couch. He lay down, lowering his head into my lap, and I gently dabbed at the blood oozing from the cuts on his cheek. Thankfully they didn't look too deep, but the bruise on his eye looked like it had taken the brunt of the hit.

'Who did this to you?' I whispered, cupping his beaten face in my hands. I couldn't help the single tear that slipped down my cheek, although I wasn't exactly sure why it was falling. I was more fragile than I'd ever been, and lately I seemed to be crying more often than not. I hated to see him like this, and the thought of him becoming hurt...or worse, was too much for me to think about right now. He groaned as he pressed his fingers to his forehead and examined the blood that transferred.

'I-I was just walking out of the store, and I cut through a laneway to get to my car and they just-they came out of nowhere. It was my fault I should have just given them my wallet and left, I-I shouldn't have tried to fight back.' He winced as I pressed the cloth to his forehead again.

'Shawn we have to tell the police. You can't let them get away with something like this.' I insisted.

'I called them but it was too dark to even get a description of them so they just told me to let them know if I remembered anything else.'

'That must have been terrifying, thank God you're okay.' I traced my fingertips over the creases of his forehead. He sat up and tucked his finger underneath my chin, tilting it upwards to look at him.

'I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now. I should be the one taking care of you, not the other way around.' His gorgeous brown eyes looked golden in the setting sunlight, and I wanted to tell him that he already was. He was taking care of me just by being there; he was everything.

I kissed him gently, careful not to hurt his bruised eye as he snaked his arms around my waist to pull me onto his lap.

'I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you.' I pushed my fingers through his thick hair, letting my fingernails scrape over his scalp.

'Baby I know you've lost everything, and that it hurts, and I know it's scary trying to find yourself again after all that. But those things that have happened to you, they're over, okay you don't have to be scared anymore...the worst is over.' He pressed his thumb to my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

'Everything just feels so unstable. I think my parents were like this safety net that was always going to be there, and I just knew that whatever happened there was something to catch me if I fell. I know we had a lot of problems towards the end, but I liked knowing that they were there, it was unconditional you know? And now that they're gone it's like the ground I'm walking on feels unsteady and I'm- I'm just terrified of that feeling, that helplessness.' I hadn't really meant to say all of that, but it felt good to open myself up like that, to say everything I felt. He nodded, and the look in his eyes told me he understood what I meant.

'Do you trust me?' He whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear. I swallowed and nodded, letting one final tear escape my eye.

'Then can you do one thing for me? Can you let me do all the worrying, all the thinking? Because I-I can be that safe place to land-if you'll let me. I'm going to be in your life as long as you want me here, and even if someday you don't want me anymore, I'll still be waiting for you. You are the-the love of my life, Eleanor, you are and I-I'll never let anything happen to you, I'll keep you safe.' In that moment he couldn't have said anything more perfect. It was everything that I needed to hear, everything I needed to make me feel safe, to stop me from worrying, even if only for the moment.

'I love you, so much.' I whispered, his words almost bringing me to tears. He kissed my lips softly and then I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat against my ear.