Dangerous Love//Shawn Mendes

Chapter 27

Will, Shawn and I were standing on the footpath, the silence desolate, Shawn's firm hands holding me steady as I sobbed into him.

'Oh God Shawn I can't do this.' I said desperately as a fire-fighter approached us. I watched as he pulled his helmet off of his head, resignation written all over him, and I just knew.

'I'm-I'm so sorry. We did everything we could, but the-the blaze was so strong, we never see house fires like that one it was just...' He trailed off and swallowed, forcing back the moisture in his eyes. Shawn gripped onto my hand forcefully, trying to ground me as I waited for him to say it; they were dead. But nothing could have prepared me for those words, for that feeling.

'We weren't able to save the rest of the people in the house. They- they-' I didn't hear what came next. Shawn must have caught me from where I stood next to him because I don't remember hitting the ground. Every sound was too loud and too quiet at the same time. My body was rocking softly with the rhythm of my carrier's footsteps, and then I was lying down somewhere, somewhere soft, and there was a cold cloth against my forehead. I opened my eyes and blinked, they were raw and swollen from crying and it took me a moment to figure out where I was. I was in Will's bed, and Shawn was perched on the edge, lightly stroking my hair. He was crying too, his eyes red and his cheeks damp. As I stirred he sniffed and took a hold of my hand.

'Eleanor,' he said, his voice strained, cracked. I couldn't make words form as I sat up and wrapped my arms around his torso, his fingers lightly stroking my hair, and no words can explain the pain I felt in my chest as we sat there. It was literally unbearable, the kind that made you want to scream, just to get some of it out of your body. But not even tears were escaping me, I was too shocked to say or do anything but stare blankly.

'How are you feeling, are you hurt?' He said, voice and hands shaking as he looked me over intensely, the worry evident in his eyes.

'I-I think I'm just- I don't know what to- I mean how did this...' I couldn't continue, my words caught in my throat, stuck.

'God I'm so sorry' He said as he pulled me into his chest, and I felt myself go limp against his broad frame, too weak to hold myself up. I didn't even have the energy to cry properly, whimpering sobs escaping my mouth. He gently stroked my hair, tenderly squeezing my body against his. We stayed that way for a long time, hours maybe. I couldn't bring myself to move, my entire concentration focussed on holding it together.

'Baby you should get some sleep' he eventually whispered gently, and immediately a wave of anxiety washed over me at the suggestion, my whole body tensing against him. All I could do was shake my head.

As he began to lower his body down to lie on the bed I froze. 'I can't' I whispered weakly, eyes pleading with him. I couldnt move from where we sat, if we moved, if I slept and woke again, it would all become real, I would have to face it.

'Can you just lie down with me, we don't have to sleep.' he reasoned with me, and I minutely nodded my head, letting him guide my body down with my head still on his chest.

'I love you, you know that?' He whispered in my ear, and it comforted me. I felt less alone in the world with him next to me. I closed my eyes, feeling the slightest bit calmer with his familiar heart beat against my ear.

The flames were everywhere, burning menacingly, ominous in their power, their heat. They were everywhere and I was paralysed, surrounded at all angles and unable to make my feet move, the flames licking at my limbs although I couldn't feel the pain. To my right were my parents, separated from me by a wall of fire; they clung to each other as it moved in on them, fear painted on their once composed faces.

'Mom!' I tried to yell, but no words would come, only strangled coughs. I tried again, but opening my mouth to speak only made the smoke more suffocating. My parents were yelling something to me, but I couldn't hear them, couldn't make out their words. Maybe they were telling me how disappointed they were in me, how much I had let them down. But I would never get the chance to ask them because the flames had engulfed them, and they were dissipating into nothingness right in front of me. The fire was killing them and I couldn't move, all I could do was scream. And so I screamed, my throat breaking raw and my chest squeezing unbearably.

The first thing I was aware of was firm hands grasping me, stopping me from clawing at my skin; where there should have been burns, there were only scratch marks. My own piercing screams brought me back to awareness, and I opened my eyes to see Shawn's worried ones looking back at me, gently shaking me.

'Eleanor baby its over, wake up.' He was whispering, tucking strands of hair behind my ear as he brought me out of my night terror. I blinked, confused; I couldn't remember anything, didn't know where I was, or how Shawn had gotten here with me.

'Oh my God that was the worst dream, there was a fire and-and I was-' relief flooded over me as I registered that I was safe, it had all been a dream. a terrible dream. But something changed in his face as I spoke, my voice full of life as it had once been. Something was wrong. 

'Eleanor, Eleanor I'm so sorry.' He said tentatively, and at first I furrowed my brow, not understanding what he meant.

'Oh my God' I gasped, bringing my hands to my face in realisation as it all came back to me; this wasn't just a dream, it was real. Just as quickly, he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his broad arms firmly around me, and I gripped tightly onto him to buffer my fall back into reality. My entire body was wracked with heartache, shaking as I cried silently, too overwhelmed to even make a sound, and he silently stroked my hair. 

'I'm right here, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, you're safe.' He whispered into my hair, his breath comforting as it fanned over me. And somehow he knew exactly what to say, exactly what I needed, exactly how to make me feel safe. It was never going to fix things, it was never going to bring my parents back, but I needed him, and he was there.