Dangerous Love//Shawn Mendes

Chapter 28

Before I opened my eyes I could hear his heartbeat pressed against my ear, could feel his fingertips tracing delicate patterns across my skin, and as it all came back to me and the floodgates opened, I did everything I could to cling to this moment. It was the instant of freefalling before I hit the ground and cold reality woke me up; to be back in his arms, to feel his fingertips on my skin and to be held so gently. But no matter how long I wanted to stay there, the truth was hurtling towards me too fast to stop it, and all too soon it hit me like a bullet to the chest. They were gone. My parents were dead. I would never see them again. This was it.

That's the thing about death; it's so finite. There's no undoing it, no way around it, it's black and white. And no matter how much it hurts, how badly you want to change it, nothing can stop that feeling of the ground falling out from underneath you, the overpowering loss of control. It was overwhelming in the most primitive way, like this couldn't actually be happening, because if it was I just couldn't cope. But it was happening, and all I could do was let the waves wash over me, a passenger in a tragic turn of events.

'You should eat something, what can I get you?' He said, noticing that I was awake. Again, I resisted, shaking my head, that same anxiety creeping into my chest. I was afraid to live in this life, to move into the reality that was my parents' death.

'Even cereal?' He reasoned with me, beginning to shift his weight from underneath me so he could stand. I felt nausea rising in my throat at the thought.

'I dont want you to leave me.' I said urgently, starting to panic as our bodies lost contact.

'I'll be 60 seconds okay? Promise I'll be back fast.' He looked tired, his eyes deep set and slightly swollen, his hair messy and matted. He must have been hungry. I wondered what time it was, but the noise from the kitchen told me it must be late morning or even afternoon. He kissed my forehead and I felt my body sink into the bed again, giving up.

A minute later, Shawn returned with a bowl of cereal as promised for me, and a muesli bar for himself.

'Did you get any sleep last night?' It felt easier to focus my attention on him than on my own life. He had been sitting with me draped over him for what could have been hours, and I felt bad for trapping him there like that.

'Yeah, yeah a few hours.' I could tell he was lying, and I gave him a look to show that I saw through it.

'Don't worry about me.' He insisted, squeezing me gently with the arm that was slung around my shoulder. I tried to force a smile but I couldn't make my mouth move. I was biting my lip hard to try and stop the tears, but still they spilled over, relentless.

'Tell me what you're thinking.' He squeezed my hand, bringing me out of me train of thought.

'Smoke, my clothes smell like smoke.' I said absently, my eyes glazed, unable to reconnect with my surroundings.

'You should go take a shower and we'll get you something clean to wear.' My legs were weak as I rolled out of bed and came to a stand, seemingly unable to support my weight. I waited for the black spots that clouded my vision to fade, bracing myself against the bookshelf next to me.

'Are you okay? Do you need me to come with you?' Shawn said, placing his hands on my waist to steady me, and for a fleeting moment I felt my cheeks turn up into a half-smile, the light flickering in my eyes.

'Shawn you can't take a shower with me when Will and his mom are right outside.' I admired the innocence in his expression, but I knew Will's mom was probably already wondering why there was a man in her son's bed, and I didn't want to have to do any more explaining than was absolutely necessary.