Forever {Cashton 5SOS}

Chapter 14

Ashton's POV.

I fell asleep wrapped in Calum's arms. 

I love sleeping with his strong arms around me. They make me feel safe and warm. As though nothing could ever hurt me.

However, I woke up with out him in bed with me. I frown and sit up. I reach my arms above my head and stretch. Something about today feels off, but I don't know what it is. I just feel like something bad is going to happen.

I rise from the comfort of my bed and walk down the stairs to find Calum sitting at our kitchen counter eating a piece of toast. Even in the mornings he manages to look like a god. I'm so lucky to have him. How did this happen?

I decide not to question it and walk over to him, "Hey, Cal!" I say happily  and sit on the table next to him.

"Ashton, we need to talk." Calum says sternly and turns so that he's facing me.

I can feel my palms get sweaty and my throat become dry. This doesn't sound too good. I have no idea what he needs to talk to me about. "A-about what?" I ask nervously. I can't help but to stutter. 

"Calm down, babe, I just need to ask you something that's been bugging me for a while. I mean I'm sure you don't actually do it because you would never do something so unhealthy to yourself, but I just need to know for sure." 

I now know exactly what he's going to ask me, but I'm not sure of how I'm going to answer it. Should I lie? I'm tired of lying to him, but I don't want even him to know about this. "W-what are you t-talking about?"

He lets out a sigh and finally asks his question, "Are you starving yourself?"

Even though I knew this was what he was about to ask, I still felt all the wind get knocked out of me. I feel like I'm about to vomit. After a long silence of me not answering, Calum speaks again, "Why aren't you answering? I thought that you'd just say, 'No Calum, I'd never do something so harmful to my body because I know how disappointed and sad that would make you and I'd never want to hurt someone I love so dearly'"

I'm able to tell from his voice that he knew deep down that I actually did and he just wanted to believe that I didn't and now he's making me feel like absolute shit. 

I look down and still don't say anything. "Ashton." Calum says.

"It's just a diet." I tell him quietly.

He looks at me with a shocked face. "A diet." I nod. "Not eating is not a diet. It's unhealthy and it will kill you. I don't want to live without you and you know that. I can't believe you'd still do it!" At this point Calum is pretty much screaming in my face. "How could you, Ashton?" Tears start falling down his cheeks and I'm left standing there with nothing to say.

All I feel is an unbelievable amount of guilt. I'm such a terrible person and I don't deserve Calum.

"How long?" he asks sadly. I look down. I really don't want to answer because I know it will hurt him, "How long?" He says again louder after I don't respond.

"6 months." I tell him and turn away because I don't want to see his hurt expression that I'm sure I have caused.

"6 months." he whispers to himself. "6 months." he repeats louder this time. "So you're telling me that for half a year you starved yourself and lied to me any time I'd offer you food?"

I remain silent. All I want to do right now is break down and sob. "Unbelievable." he says quietly. "Unbelievable!" he shouts and pushes the vase with flowers sitting on the table smashing it to the floor. They were the ones that we brought home from my hospital room.