Forever {Cashton 5SOS}

Chapter 12

Ashton's POV.

It's been almost a week since I woke up and I'm finally allowed to go home. The last week hasn't been the best for my self esteem. I was forced to eat every meal. Also, they would weigh me every day and I would always feel disgusted by what I saw. It only made my urge to cut way worse. When I get home I'm going to have to fast for a few days to lose all the weight I've gained back.

On the bright side though, Calum has been even nicer to me and I'm starting to think he might feel the same as me, but it's probably just my imagination. I don't see how someone as amazing as him could ever love some fat gay loser like me. Plus he's straight, he used to hook up with girls all the time.

"You ready to go?" Calum says after he has finished signing all of my checkout papers for me.

I nod and we walk out to his car. For a minute I let my mind drift to what would have happened if I had let myself stay in that coma forever. Eventually they would have had to decide to just kill me. Maybe the fans would care, but they'd get over it. There are probably only like two Ashton girls anyways. The band would go on, they could find a new drummer- a better drummer. 

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel a strong familiar hand grab mine. At first, I get my hopes up thinking Calum actually wanted to hold me hand, but then I get disappointed when I find out it was actually because he was steering me towards his car since I wasn't paying attention.

To my surprise though, he doesn't let go. In fact he interlocks our fingers more which leaves the usual feeling of butterflies in my stomach that only he can create.

As we approach the car he lets my hand fall and walks over to, not the drivers side door, but to the passenger side door and opens it for me. What has gotten into him? I'd rather not question it and just enjoy it.

I take my seat and Calum shuts the door for me. I smile up at him as he goes around the front to his side.

He gets in and starts the car and slowly pulls out, leaving the parking lot. 

We sit in silence for most of the way home. All I can think about is Calum holding my hand and then I start to think about all the things people were telling me while I was in my coma. Like when Luke said I needed to wake up for Calum and just stuff like that. They made it seem like he actually liked me, but I just don't get why he would or why anyone would for that matter. All I am is fat gay worthless, talentless piece of shit. Just like the people on twitter tell me I am.

I suddenly feel my eyes heat  up and I can feel that I'm about to cry. I hold it in as long as I can, but eventually a tear falls down my cheek and I have to hope Calum doesn't notice.

Of course he does though. "What's wrong?" he asks, his voice full of concern.

We've stopped at a red light and so he is able to look at me. I shake my head as if to say "nothing". I expect him to just turn his head back to the road and brush it off, but he doesn't. Instead, he brings his hand to my cheek and wipes the tears from my face.

"Babe, please don't cry," he says with a soft gentle voice. "I hate when you cry. It makes me sad. You don't deserve to cry."

He sits with his hand on my cheek for a while and then a loud beep breaks out little moment indicating that the light has turned green. Calum lowers his hand, but does not put it back on the steering wheel, he puts it on my thigh. I can feel goosebumps form all over me and it makes me smile. I really need to ask  him why he's acting like this.

We don't talk the rest of the drive home, but Calum rubs circles on my thigh with his thumb and it completely calms me down. It was very peaceful.

Finally we get home and the car comes to a stop and he switches it into park. I'm almost sad that the car ride is over, but I'm pretty happy to finally be home.