Forever {Cashton 5SOS}

Chapter 10

Ashton's POV.

While I'm enjoying my nice, peaceful coma, I heard from the nurses that I only have a 75% chance of waking up. I find this news great! Apparently, though, Calum didn't because when I heard the nurses wheeling me back to my hospital room, I heard Calum talking to the doctor, telling him to call Mike and Luke and his voice sounded very sad, which made me sad because I was the one causing his sadness.

When the doctor left Calum completely broke down. Finally when he stopped crying he began talking to me, "Hey, Ash." he had said. His voice cracking. "I know it's nice and peaceful in there, but we really want you to come out now. We miss you." We. We misses me.

There is a long silence before I hear his voice again, but when I do I'm shocked with what I hear, "Ashy, please wake up. I miss you so much. It's unbelievable how much I miss you." Wow Calum actually misses me, "I miss hearing your laugh early in the morning because it makes waking up not so bad. I miss cuddling and watching movies. I miss how sweaty you get after concerts. I miss hearing you're voice and seeing your dimples pop out. Ash, there are so many things I need to tell you. I guess I could say them now since you probably can't hear me anyways," Oh. but I can. I can hear everything. Every single thing he just said and I couldn't be happier about it. Calum then continues, "so here I go, Ashton I l-"

Then Michael and Luke walk in. What was he about to say? I am left curious since they leave Luke in the room with me rather than Calum. After Michael and Cal leave, Luke starts to talk to me.

"Hi, Ash." He says to me sounding even sadder than last time. "I just wanted to tell you some things in case you wake up even though they say you only have a 75% chance of doing so. Firstly, I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I feel like this is all my fault. I know it is and I don't want you to hate me." Why would he think any of this is his fault? It's my own, everything is my own. "That's why I'm about to do what I'm about to do."

What does he mean 'about to do what he's about to do'? I wait a few seconds while he blows his nose which must be running from all the crying he's been doing.

"I'm gonna miss you, Ash, but I'm sure if you wake up you'll be glad I'm gone." I guess that answers my question. I need to stop him! I try opening my eyes, but they just won't budge!

I am left to sit and listen to one of my best friends suicide note and be able to do absolutely nothing about it. "If you're able to, please tell Michael that I love him. Not just as a friend or brother, but more. Tell Calum that he is one of the greatest guys I know. He was my best friend for a really long time and I always thought that if I were going to fall in love with any one from the band it would be him. Thank god I didn't though because you guys would be perfect together, just saying. And lastly you. Ashton, I don't think I will ever be able to express how sorry I actually am to you. I only hope that someday you'll find in your heart a way to forgive me, even though I don't deserve it. The reason I'm doing this is because if you do die, then I won't be able to live with myself knowing that I was pretty much the one that killed you and if you don't die, then I won't be able to live with myself knowing that one of my best friends hates me."

I want so badly to just wake up from this damned coma and snap Luke out of it and get him to realize that I don't hate him and none of this is his fault. I'm not able to do that though so I'm forced to listen, "I never knew I could fuck someone's life up so bad. I'm sorry, Ashton, I'm so, so sorry. I hate myself. I feel bad for everyone who had to deal with me ever. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being me."

I listen to the younger boys sobs for quite some time and then the last thing he says before leaving is, "Goodbye, Ashton. I'm so sorry. I'll miss you and the other boys a lot, but everything will be so much better without me here to mess it up. I know you may not want to, but you need to wake up. For Calum."