Forever {Cashton 5SOS}

Chapter 3

Calum's POV.

The four of us are sitting in the living room watching Mean Girls, but I can hardly pay attention. It's been a day since I talked to Ashton about his self harm. I can't get what told me out of my head. "I deserve it.", he had said. What does he mean he deserves it? Ashton doesn't deserve that. Nobody does. I just don't understand. I know I said I'd wait until he was ready to tell me on his own, but I'm getting a bit impatient. I'm going to try and ease it out of him next time we're alone.

As if on cue, Luke's stomach makes a gurgling noise. "Michaaaeeel!" Luke whines.

"Luuuuuke?" Michael mocks.

"I'm hungry."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Come get lunch with me?" Luke asks. I kinda feel like Luke's got a thing for Michael. He's always hanging out with him and asking him to do things with him. It's kind of adorable if you ask me.

Michael lets out a sigh. "Okay, but you have to give me a hug first." Michael winks. Maybe Michael has a thing for Luke too. I wonder how the fans would react if they ever got together.

Luke blushes a deep shade of red, but gets up and quickly hugs Michael, blushing an even deeper shade of red.

"I ship it.", I think to myself.

"What?", Michael asks, whipping his head around to look at me. Oops! I guess I said that out loud.

"What? Oh, uh.. nothing." I say. But from the look on Michael's face I can tell he heard me. It's kind of a mixture between embarrassment and amusement. I'm going to have to ask him about this when they get back.

Michael grabs his keys and Luke pulls him by the hand out the door. I turn to Ashton and realize that he's fallen back asleep. He looks so cute when he's sleeping. Wait what? I meant that in a friendly way. More like peaceful. I can't have a crush on Ashton, he's my best mate.

No matter how cu- peaceful he looks right now, I need to talk to him about what's bothering him. So I walk over and gently shake his shoulder. His eyes shoot open and he sits up. They are full of fear and he has sweat dripping down his forehead. He seems to relax a bit when he realizes it was just a dream. It must have been another nightmare. I wish he would tell me what they were about because I'm almost positive he didn't forget.

"Are you alright?" I ask him sitting down next to him.

"Y-yeah." he stutters.

Ashton's POV.

"Are you alright?" he asks me. No I'm not alright. I just had another nightmare, only this time it was so much worse. In this one Calum had beaten me while saying all of those terrible things. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell him in real life.

"Y-yeah." I lie, so I don't have to tell him about the dream.

"But you're shaking, Ashy." My heart flutters at the nickname and I can feel butterflies forming in my stomach. When the butterflies calm down I notice that I am indeed shaking and I try to stop, but fail.

"Did you have another nightmare?" he asks me. His eyebrows creased with concern. I contemplate lying to him, but then I choose to tell the truth.

"Yes." The concerned expression on his face changes into a sad one and he frowns, engulfing me in a hug, my head resting near his chest and I can hear his heart beat. It's rather calming.

Still hugging me he asks, "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"No." I almost said I didn't remember again, but I hate lying to Calum, he's always so nice to me and never lies.

"Okay, you dont have to, but if you ever want to talk about it, know that you're able to talk to me." I simply nod in response.

He pulls back from the hug, "There's something I need to ask you." he says.

"What is it?" I ask trying to stay as calm as possible. Oh no this can't be good. What if he asks if I'm gay? Then I'll have to tell him and it'll end up just like it does in my nightmares.

"What makes you feel so sad that you think hurting yourself is the only option?" This might just be worse. I don't want to talk about it. He said he'd wait until I was ready to tell him myself and wouldn't push. I don't want him to know, but then again if I tell him he might be able to help me.

My heart begins to beat harder and my throat closes making it hard to speak. I want to tell him, but I've never told anyone about any of this before, so it's hard for me to say out loud.

"Calm down, babe, it's just me." Woah, hold the fuck up. Did he just call me babe? Calum freaking Hood just called me babe. That isn't possible. I must just be hearing things. Then he puts his gentle hand on my back and rubs soothing circles on it and it helps to calm me down.

After a minute or so I am able to speak again. "Calum, you said you wouldn't push."

"I know." he replies. "I just want to help, but if you don't want to tell me it's fine."

"No, I do want to. It's just hard."

"I understand. Take all the time you need." He says sweetly, giving me a smile in which I return.

I take a deep breath, "Well," I begin. "I have been getting so much hate on twitter. There was even a trend that said #keepcuttingashtonyouretrash and so I did." Calum's looking at me with a hurt expression on his face, almost as if what hurts me hurts him too. When I realize he's waiting for me to continue I say, "and I also suffer from self hate and so I feel like I deserve to be in pain. I like the way it feels. Everything those people say about me is true. Cutting isn't really a choice anymore. It's an addiction." I explain leaving out that I also do it because he'll never feel the same way as me.

"No, Ash, not a word of what they say is true. You are ridiculously talented, beautiful, and one of the kindest human beings on this planet. You're flawless, Ashton. Please don't listen to them. If you ever feel like you need to cut please come talk to me. I want to help you. I'm never letting you harm yourself again, whether you like it or not."

I can tell he means every word of it. Well the last part at least. There's no way he actually thinks I'm any of those things, but I fake a small smile. This is why I love him. He's perfect which is why he's never going to think of me as more than a friend.

Do you guys even like this fanfic? I feel like it's really boring right now, but I'll try and make it more exciting I just need to develope the plot a bit more. Also, you can follow me on twitter if you want @butterflyashx :-) You don't have to if you don't want to though. Anyways, I really hope you like it! I'm not going to have specific days that I update. I'll just update when I want to.