Just Jump ➵ TomTord

『23』(mock chapter)

a chapter from Lars (unpleasantoverbite), a friend of fried-snow, to you, the 54.6k readers.
and sorry, you've probably been expecting an actual chapter for a while, but I'm gonna ruin that for all of you.
also, really big moods and moderate profanity ahead.

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"Shit, Tord, you good?" Tom would never usually say this since he had absolutely no respect for the Norwegian (or at least he thought he didn't), but he just so happened to hear a very agonizing scream from him as he'd been pushed to the ground by Lindsay. Man, what a bitch.

Tord's only response to Tom was screaming since he couldn't hear him very well over the very loud rushing water of the waterfall. Like, what the fuck, waterfall? Can't you see Tom's trying to make sure his soon-to-be-boyfriend is okay? Jeez.

Anyway, Tord felt all sorts of pain from every bone in his stupid unreasonable body.

"FUCK IT FEELS LIKE MY NECK'S SNAPPED IN HALF," he managed to say through his yell of hurt. Sure enough, it was. His hoodie was a darker shade of red around his collarbone, and it stained the rest of the grass surrounding it.

"Uh, I swear I didn't expect that to happen," muttered a very fucking annoying yet somewhat now-terrifying Lindsay. She must be some kind of evil goddess if she was able to push Tord, who was not even on a centimetre of high ground and still break his neck.

Wait, how is Tord even still alive? His neck and possibly his lungs were fucking destroyed by that pussy push, and yet he was still breathing. Although, to Tord, it felt like he was inhaling a bunch of glass shards. Which, if you don't know what that's like, it's pretty painful. Definitely not recommended, unless you like the feeling of tiny knives scraping your throat, which I will not judge if you really do, I swear on my life.

"What the fuck are you standing around for?!" Tord exclaimed after a long unsettling silence, albeit it pained him to use his lungs.

"I don't know, to stare at your ass?" Tom remarked sarcastically. Lindsay giggled at his really stupid and uncreative joke, which Tom took offence to, but he didn't say anything because he'd probably sound real butthurt once he opened his mouth.

No homo, but Tord did have a pretty cute butt, though. Lindsay'd probably smash if he wasn't so gay for his pineapple waifu all the time.

"Can either one of you just call the fucking paramedics already?! I can already feel the sweet release of death washing over me!"

"Aw, neat, I'd like some of that, please," Tom said, mostly to himself, and mostly joking.

Actually no, scratch that, he wasn't joking at all, he really wanted to fucking die at this very moment.

"Okay, quick question," Lindsay butted herself into the conversation like she always does. Fucking spotlight-stealer.

"Are we gonna tell Edd and-or Matt about all this? I mean, personally, I'd love to, since I love sharing tea with all my sistahs, holla~ But if you want to keep this between the three of us, I am... totally not gonna keep a secret. I will quite literally tell everyone about this and YOU CAN'T FUCKING STOP ME-!"

Those were the last words Lindsay had said before Tom knocked her out cold with a swift punch to the ribs. And Tord, who was madly in love with all of Tom's thoughts and actions, simply moaned in awe.

"Whoa, you really roundhoused her bitch-ass."

"You bet your respiratory system I did."

"I'm glad. Now are you going to call the police or what?"