MY HEART'S DESIRE

goodnight

Max

I don't fucking have anyone in my corner. I have no one to steer me right from wrong. Or to give me a hug once in a while on a bad day. To miss me if I were gone, not a single person who'd sit with me and listen without pity when I feel like ending it all.

I have no one to love me.

And it hurts.

It really, really, fucking hurts.

I closed the notebook. Sometimes writing down my thoughts helped me clear my head.

With no one to confide in, it was my only form of vent.

If only she hadn't screwed me up in the head.

Maybe I wouldn't have the constant fear of being alone. Maybe I'd even be happy?

I guess I'd be an entirely different person if she hadn't been so selfish.

I thought I had a chance at love with someone, that maybe loneliness wouldn't be forever - I was wrong.

Just as always, love wasn't meant for me. It avoided me like the plague.

Sometimes, it felt like chains were constricting around my heart, squeezing tighter and tighter each time I gave myself hope and failed to achieve true happiness...

I looked over at my phone.

'Don't ever be afraid to ask for help. It's a sign of strength, not weakness.'

Lacey's words repeated in my head... she was the closest thing to a friend that I had.

I pressed the call button.

"Max? What's up?" she mumbled groggily.

"Shit, I woke you up. I'm sorry, go back to sleep."

"No, I told you to call me any time, day or night and I meant it. Are you in trouble?"

"Only emotionally..." my voice cracked. Shit, was I going to cry?

"Do you need me to come over?" I could hear her getting up from her bed in the background.

"No, I'm fine, really. Just go to sleep."

"If I had slapped you upside the head every time you told me you were 'fine' we wouldn't be having this conversation. Hang in there, i'll be there soon."

The line cut.

I sighed. Why did I have to be such a burden?

Lacey

In just a few minutes I pulled up to Max's house, it wasn't what I'd call a comfortable looking place. With its rotting wood, and lack of air conditioning.

He moved out when he was only 16 after getting emancipated from his father... I guess this was the only place he could afford at that time.

I didn't bother knocking, I walked straight in like the polite considerate individual that I am.

I found Max sitting in his bathroom, head between his knees choking back sobs.

I dropped my purse and hugged him immediately.

With his head resting on my shoulder, I stroked his hair and whispered calming words.

It wasn't rare for Max to have breakdowns, it's just that when they happen, usually something bad has to happen to trigger it.

Unfortunately for Max, that was quite often.

"I'm so sorry..." he muttered.