Designs of Love (TP2)

11 - Jen

"What?" he asked surprised.

"Why did you marry me? Let's go further back, why did you allow us to become lovers?"

"Because I wanted you."

"Wanted me? Apparently, I'm not your type."

"That's not true. I just like men too." he whispered.

"Did you know you liked men when you married me?" Jen wanted answers.

"Yes, but..."

"Why did you marry me?" She pleaded.

"You are the perfect partner. We are the perfect couple. The success we've had."

"It was all based on a lie, wasn't it? You reinvented me, but you reinvented yourself and just like I always longed for Maine. You always long to be who you really are. You used me!"

"No, I wanted us to be successful."

"At what cost? I was in love with you. I committed myself to a man that I didn't even know." she said, on the verge of tears.

"I love you."

"I know, but not completely like I loved you. I feel so damn stupid." She raised her voice for the first time, glad no one was around. Then she asked the one question she wanted to know and was afraid to know. "Do you love him?" Her raised voice cracked with emotion. "Are you in love with Trevor?"

He paused. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"How about the truth!" He won't look at her and she asked, "I'm still waiting. Is it still going on?" Again Sterling didn't answer. She was getting angrier. "You came here to talk, what did you want to talk about?"

"I want you to come home. I need you."

"You mean Dixon Designs needs me. You don't need me as a man. You never did. You don't even want me." She felt the tears again.

"That's not true. You're beautiful and perfect and..."

"Just not your perfect. I can't come back home, because I have no home." His jaw dropped, and he was about to argue, but didn't. She continued, "When I come back, I'm sure I can stay with Avery, but I can't lie to her. You have to tell her everything."

She had more questions, but he still wasn't being honest with her and most likely not himself. She put on her fake client face. "When is your flight?"

"I need to be at the airport by two."

She thought Jetport, not the airport, but she wouldn't bring that up. "Should we pretend things are fine and have lunch?" She drove into Portland and took him to a popular upscale restaurant. Through years of training they knew how to appear in public. Jen realized just how fake she had learned to be. Carrying on a meaningless conversation, they looked like the perfect couple. Even dressed down, heads turned when they were seated. Her talent was her asset to Sterling as a business partner. The truth was, her talent was their business. It was her appearance that was the asset to Sterling as a wife. What Jen had was height, and she had developed an air of confidence, not that she felt it today.

Over lunch, Sterling talked about some new clients he had found. He acted like acquaintances were things one collected. He had very few good friends. In New York, she and Avery were his best and only friends for a long time. Now he had Trevor. She told herself to stop or she wouldn't be able to force even a few bites of her lunch. Ironically Sterling had no problem eating. In fact, Avery said he looked horrible, but Jen didn't see that. He looked well rested and relaxed. She suspected his deception had taken a toll on him, but he was happy with Trevor. He may be a lot of things, but Sterling Dixon was not a cruel man and she doubted he ever set out to hurt her.

Jen said, "Anyone I have spoken to seems happy enough with the service they're receiving. Most don't even realize that I am not in town. My being here is no different than when I was at the beach last July."

"Yes, but you had multiple projects last summer. This is one house."

"A very large house and new construction. You know how different that is from just decor. I love these full-scale projects. Even though I get stuck working with builders, it's challenging."

For the first time, Jen thought about Alex driving past while they were talking by the beach. He had jobs all over, perhaps he was working. The house appeared to be recently updated, but it looked complete. She drove out past, and there were no telltale signs of construction like a dumpster or workers. It intrigued and bothered her. It was bad enough to react to his touch, but to speculate about him. She had enough to worry about without letting him into her head.

"What's the deal with this builder?" Sterling asked as if reading her thoughts.

"He's alright, I suppose. His work is top notch." Remembering when they first met she added, "He's a little arrogant."

"What does some guy who builds houses in Maine have to be arrogant about?" Sterling scoffed.

He was a snob. That was why he hated Maine. "Because he's in high demand and produces quality work."

She scrolled through some pictures of the house on her phone. She went too far and scrolled to one of Alex's flip.

"What's that?"

"That's just another one of his projects. I gave him some tips."

"You're giving free advice to some old guy who wears a tool belt! You can't do that!"

No one would describe Alex like that, although she expected the same before she met him. The tool belt was accurate, but the way it hung on his hips was not a negative at all. Where did that thought come from? She shook the image of his hips out to her mind.

"It was a suggestion on paint color and it was no big deal. If I'm nice to him, it will make working together easier. We had a rocky start, especially since he was put out about having to deal with me." And she was jealous because her parents had practically adopted him. "We are getting along better now and I intend to keep it that way for the duration. Wait until I come in and tell him that a wall needs to be repainted or a piece of trim needs to be replaced, if he resents me now, he'll be hating me then." She wondered if he already hated her, or if he accepted her, much like she accepted him. She added, "I think we should head back to the Jetport."

When she pulled up in front of the terminal she said, "After you talk to Avery, tell her to call me. Then and only then will I think about coming back to New York."

"You need to come home, darling."

The term darling was meaningless to him. "The thing that you never understood is that I am home. New York has always been the place I live, but Maine is my home." She watched as he walked into the terminal, and then she slowly drove away. The Point would always be her home in her heart, no matter where she lived.

The work didn't require her to stay. Even Alex pointed it out. She had kept up with Trevor via email and if he was overworked, he wasn't complaining. For the first time in her career, she didn't love her job. She wasn't longing for her New York life, perhaps because things would never be the same.

How long would it take before Sterling spoke to Avery? She drew a line in the sand and would only go back when Avery knew. She needed a friend and although she was tempted to talk to Megan, Avery made more sense, because she knew Sterling.