Undercover Love

Chapter 42

Julia's POV

"No", I whispered to myself, my voice barely audible as my eyes began watering, bluring my vision. 

The test was positive. I couldn't believe it. Why the hell did it have to happen to me ? Why now ? My life was so perfect until now. I was genuinely happy for the very first time in years, so why did that baby have to come now and ruin everything ? What was I supposed to do ?

Too many qustions were echoing through my mind at the same time. I had a major problem and I was all alone to face it. My whole body began shaking and I started hyperventilating. I was literally freaking out and the worst part is I couldn't control it. I needed air. Fresh air. Now.

I ran out of the bathroom and to the front door, bumping into Doug on my way there. I didn't stop walking though, not even to apologize. I wouldn't have been able to speak anyway so there was no point. I quickly found myself on top of the staircase that led to the parking lot. Sitting there in my loneliness, I started sobbing incontrolably. I needed to let out the all too many emotions that were running through me at the moment. 

All of a sudden, the door behind me cracked open, disturbing my crying session. I slowly turned around, careful not to let show my teary eyes too much. Doug was standing there, a puzzled look on his face.

"Lia ? What's wrong ?", I heard him question from behind me with his soothing voice. I always loved this guy's voice, I found it kind of calming and relaxing. 

"Nothing", I lied, rubbing my eyes which were now red and puffy from all the crying. Of course, he didn't believe me. He came closer and sat next to my shaking self at the top of the stairs. 

"If you think I'm gonna take that for an answer", he said, bringing one of his hands to my cheek that tears had soaked. Throwing myself into his arms without a warning, I held him tight as I bursted out crying again, even harder than before this time. My sudden action must have startled him at first, anyway he ignored it and wrapped his arms around me. He rubbed my back, trying to comfort me.

"Look Lia. Whatever it is , talk to me. Maybe I can help", Doug murmured, still holdng me close to him. The burden had become too hard to bear. I felt so desperate and so alone, I needed a shoulder to cry on. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore.

"I'm pregnant Doug !", I cried out, slowly letting go of his embrace and burrying my face in my hands. 

"Oh...", was the only sound coming out of his mouth at first. Well, I guess he was surprised. He then spoke again, "Is that a bad thing ?" 

I straightened up to be able to see him properly, before giving him an 'Are you kidding me' kind of look, my mouth forming an O shape in utter shock.

"A bad thing ? It's gonna ruin everything !", I stared at him as if it was the dumbest question ever, exasperation clearly writen all over my tear-stained face.

"It's Tom's right ?", he hesitantly asked.

"Of course it's Tom's ! How many guys do you think I'm seeing other than him ? ", I raised my voice, upset that the idea of me cheating on Tommy had even crossed his mind. How pleasing to hear people insinuating you're a slut.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I don't really understand why you're crying. I mean, you guys seem pretty happy together so...", he stopped before the end of  his sentence probably because he didn't really know how to finish it. We remained silent for a while, but I could still feel his gaze on me.

"Does he know ?", he finally spoke, out of curiousity.

"No", I sighed loudly. "I haven't told him."

"Why ? I'm sure he'd-"

"I just found out Doug. Nobody knows except for you", I cut him off. I kept quiet a few seconds before continuing, "I won't tell him."

"What do you mean you won't tell him ?", he furrowed his eyebrows, trying to process my words.

"I'm gonna get rid of it anyway so he doesn't need to know", I coldly stated.

"You're talking about...abortion, aren't ya ?"

"I am", I confirmed. My voice was so low, I was surprised he actually heard me.

"Look, I know it's none of my business but...Hanson is my best friend." He paused for a moment before adding, "He has the right to know, it's his child too."

Well, when thinking about it, I had to admit he had a point. I obviously didn't  make that baby all by myself, Tom helped too.

"I know but...", I stopped. "You know him Doug, you know him well. He was so young when he lost his dad, I'm sure deep down he wants to become one. If I tell him and he wants to keep it...How the hell am I supposed to tell him that I don't want this baby ? His baby ? I know what I'm saying sounds awful and I know there is an innocent and defenseless human being  growing inside of me but I just don't want it. I've nevver wanted to have children, and espacially not now ! Maybe I'll change my mind in fiteen years I don't know, but for now, I don't want to have any. I love my life just the way it is and I don't want it to change in any way. I love my job, I don't wanna stop being a cop just to raise a kid. Be it temporarily or permanently, I don't wanna stop. And if I tell Tom about the baby, maybe he'll figure it's THE reason for him to quit the force. I mean, it's been on his mind for so long now, I can't remember how many times I've had to dissuade him from turning in his badge already. I know he really wants to, it's like he's just waiting for a good reason now and I don't want this baby to be that good reason. It sounds selfish, I'm perfectly aware of it, but I don't want him to leave Jump Street. We met here, he's the very first person I spoke to the day I arrived. So many things happened between us here, this place is so full of memories of us together. It'd never be the same without him, I'm not even sure I'd be able to continue working here if he left. And besides, I know for a fact that if he finds out I'm pregnant, he'll want me to quit as well because he obviously won't be okay with me risking his child's life every day and I don't wanna quit. Fuck, I don't want it ! No matter how much I love him, I can't give up on that job, it means too much." I sighed, my head falling on Doug's shoulder after I was finally done talking.

"I understand Julia. But you still have to tell him. You've always been very close, it won't be that difficult. Just have a talk with him. Tell him what you've just said to me : what you want and what you don't want, what you're scared of. Together you'll work this out."

I carefully listened to his speech. Deep down, I knew he was right. I rasied my head and smiled up at him. This guy had that special way to always find the right words to cheer you up whenever you felt like hope had abandoned you for good. That was one of the thousand reasons why I loved him. 

"How come you always find the right thing to say ?", I nearly smirked at him.

"That's because I'm the greatest", he pointed at his cheek as if motioning for me to give him a kiss there, which I did without hesitating. He deserved it. Surely not for his modesty though.

"Now let's go back inside before Fuller notices we're missing and bawls us out", he advised. I nodded in agreement and we both stood up. Doug went to open the door but I stopped him in his tracks.

"Wait !", I called out, hugging him after he had turned to face me."Thank you."

🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

A little bit of drama is coming *evil smirk*. 
I hope you don't mind but I thought it wouldn't be funny if it was like "Okay so they found out they're gonna have a baby and they lived happily ever after." 
Don't hesitate to let me know what you think though😉
I'm sorry if there are any typos btw.