Find My Way Back To You

Chapter 21

--- EMMA'S POV ---

The next day, Emma and I make our way to the library in hopes of finding an answer for my time travel problems. It was once again very hard for me to say goodbye to my little girl, my little Hope, even though my mom kept insisting that she will take great care of her. I know she'll be okay. I do trust my mom – unlike how she was acting the first time I offered to babysit my brother, but I'd rather have Hope with me 24/7. It kills me not to know what she is doing right now. I'm always stressed about how she could cry right now, and I probably wouldn't know. I had a weird feeling yesterday when she was so upset about missing her dad, but who knows whether my intuition will work once again?

But I suppose that both my parents were right about Hope being a distraction – a nice distraction in my eyes, but a distraction nonetheless.

So, I gave in, but only on the condition that my mom calls me every 30 minutes with an update and a visit during lunch time. Hope needs to eat after all. She has her bottle, but I can use every excuse I can find in order to see my little baby. Also, it's far better for her to drink fresh milk, which didn't lose any nutrients yet.

Anyway, I miss her already and we haven't even left for 10 minutes yet. We're just arriving at the library actually. I can just hope now, that my work here will distract me enough to get through a few hours without my baby girl.

...

As we browse all the shelves in the library, I realize that something seems to be off with Emma. For a while I tell myself, that she's still freaked out about me and Hope being here – for good reason. I think this is something that could still send me running in my own timeline. And I'm happy now and have no doubt about Killian ever leaving me.

But the more time passes, the less I believe that Emma is only upset about the future. This must be about something else – something far worse. Worse in her opinion anyway. For all I know it could be something that wouldn't scare me anymore.

She wasn't acting like this yesterday. So, it makes no sense that her state of freaked-out-ness would get worse as time passes. It should lessen since she seemed to get used to the fact that she'll another baby yesterday. Her and Hope were bonding quite a lot. Hell, Emma even bought a little Swan plushie for Hope this morning, when she went to get coffee from Granny's.

There's no way she would have done that, if she was still in unease about the whole situation, so something else must have happened.

The next time Emma seems to completely zone out, I turn to her, putting a book back onto the shelf. "What's going on with you today?"

Emma is taken by surprise at that and lets the book she was holding crash to the floor. I was right then. She did completely zone out like she's suddenly in another world – lost in her intense thoughts.

--- PAST EMMA'S POV ---

Emma's voice takes me by surprise. Until I hear the book I was previously holding hit the floor, I don't even notice that I let it fall – or that I was even holding a book to begin with.

My mind is just a total mess today. I can't focus on anything else for longer than a few seconds without being reminded of yesterday's events. I still don't understand what the hell happened. What was I even thinking?

One moment everything was okay and I was doing fine. I was ignoring Hook. But then my mind actually considered that Hook isn't too bad and that he might care for me?

What the hell?!

No one cares about me except for Henry. My own parents didn't even care enough about me to keep me. They cared more about the population of the Enchanted Forest than me. So, why the hell would Hook ever care about me? He doesn't even know me! We aren't even friends or anything close to that.

"Emma?" My future self asks again.

She's looking at me with worry written all over her face. Did I make it that obvious that I'm a mess today? I never should have gone to the Rabbit Hole yesterday – I should have left as soon as I saw Hook in there. I mean I knew he was trouble when he walked in. It's a shame on me. I let all that happen. I even almost kissed him.

If the bartender wouldn't have interrupted... – I don't even want to think about the consequences. He already thinks that I kissed him. A 'second' kiss would've only made his whole behaviour worse.

He's a pirate after all. If I already don't trust anyone, there's no way in hell I should trust him. He's a liar and thief and he only thinks about himself.

--- EMMA'S POV ---

"Emma? What's bothering you? You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever you're going through, it's probably something that I went through, too. I can help you. I'd never judge you about anything. We're the same person after all. You can tell me everything. You don't have to be afraid. We can share whatever burden you have." I approach her and put my hand on her arm.

She is freaking out a lot. I can tell by the look in her eyes. This – whatever it is – is worse for her than Hope and me arriving here from the future. What the hell happened? I can't remember anything bad happening around this time – except my reunion with Neal, but Emma wasn't in New York yet, so no Neal.

Did I change the past too much already? Did I mess up like last time, when I caused my parents meeting to be interrupted? Please not again. That was stressful enough. My mom almost died then – I had to watch her burn to death. And I was in a better situation then – I wasn't alone since I had Killian who stopped me from making mistakes, which is something I think about every ten minutes here in the past. I had someone to hold me when I felt like breaking down and crying my eyes out.

I give Emma a smile and eventually she starts to talk. I didn't expect that she would open up. I thought we'd stand here for hours, her always denying that somethings wrong. That's a nice surprise.

"I'm just in weird mood because of yesterday." She says.

"The future will be fine – like I said. You'll be fine. The future's nothing to be afraid of." I almost say Swan since that advice is one that Killian gave me back in Camelot. But fortunately, I stop myself since that would freak Emma out even more. She'd know about Hope's parentage then and I know she isn't ready for that. She'd probably run to her car and move to New York or Boston or some other place far away from here.

"That's not it. Well it is, but not really. I've kind of come to terms with my future. Hope is adorable, so you can't really stay frightened of her. She just has that kind of face, that you fall in love with instantly." Emma smiles, before taking a deep breath. She's right though. I can't imagine that anyone is capable of not loving Hope. She's got all people in Storybrooke wrapped around her little fingers already.

"Last night after dinner, I went to the Rabbit Hole. I thought it would give me some peace and quiet, a nice drink, but well...Hook was there too. And that was just weird." She says quietly. Then she takes a break again.

Oh god. If she is this freaked out because of Killian – does that mean he told her about the kiss? He did, didn't he? And now she knows about him and I and it's scaring her. How the hell do I fix this? Last time I only had to make sure my parents meet, but now I'll have to deal with my own stubbornness to make sure my own relationship survives this adventure.

I'm not even good at this. I'm pretty sure Killian and I only got together because he never terrified me enough to run far away – emotionally. He knew that if he wanted a chance from me, he had to be careful and very patient.

If he was here with Hope instead of me, I'm sure he'd be able to fix this easier. He probably never would've caused complications to begin with.

I always assumed I wouldn't be trapped here forlong – that I would find my way back home soon. But I'm not so sure anymore. I'mtrapped in the past and I might've caused my past self and the past version ofmy husband to never get together by scaring Emma off.