Find My Way Back To You

Chapter 9

--- EMMA'S POV ---

While my parents continue to gaze lovingly at Hope, I decide it's time to check up on Emma. She freaked out earlier as soon as she saw the baby. So, it's probably not the best idea to take Hope along. I guess that only leaves her staying with my parents. I hate going anywhere without her, but I don't have a choice right now, if I don't want my past self to run to New York or some other place that is not Storybrooke. Also, I trust my parents with Hope, even though I'm in the past. They've proven themselves to not have changed at all in the past half hour. They clearly adore Hope and if there's anyone besides Killian, I'd ever trust enough to take care of my baby, it's them.

"Will you look after Hope for a little? I'm going to check on...well on myself."

"Of course. That's a very pretty name by the way." They both smile at me. And of course it's a great name, it's our family motto after all.

I pick up the diaper bag from the floor and open it. "Everything she could possibly need is right in here, okay? Diapers, another blanket, her little octopus plushie, her bottle – "then my mom interrupts me.

"Emma, it'll be fine. You'll only be gone for like ten minutes. Hope will be okay." She assures me.

"I know. I know. I'm just nervous because I've never left her with anyone so far except her dad. She's only three weeks old. It's hard to let her go." They look at me with pity and sadness. Oh shit. I've probably reminded them of how they had to send me to another realm just a few minutes after I was born. They chose to save everyone else that day to my own disadvantage. I know how guilty they still feel about it even though they wouldn't change their decision, if they could. That's why they're such good leaders and everyone listens to them even though Regina is supposedly the Queen. She'd never sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of everyone else's. She's just not fit to be a Queen, so technically everyone still sees my parents as their true rulers.

"We know it's hard, but you can do it, Emma. Everything will be fine, when you get back here." My dad says, while he approaches me and gives me a tight hug. He runs his hand over the back of my head, which makes me smile. They really didn't change at all – that's what he always does when he hugs me after all.

I pull away from the hug and my mom puts Hope in my arms for one last time before I have to go. I pull my baby daughter close to me and rock her a little in her sleep. I feel the tears start to burn inside my eyes, before they eventually stream down my face. Ever since I got pregnant with Hope my emotions intensified a lot and I got very emotional very fast. This is one of those moments triggered by the knowledge that I have to say goodbye to Hope now – even if it's just for a few minutes, it's still hard. It kind of gives me flashbacks to the time I had to give Henry away. I never even got to hold him because I knew that if I did, I never could've given him away. I just loved him so damn much, which is why I had to let him go. I wasn't ready, nor fit to be a mother right then. My living conditions weren't the right environment for a baby. If I would have kept Henry, that would have been the most selfish thing I could have done. So it was kind of the right decision to give him up for adoption even though it hurt like hell.

And now the time has come that I have to say goodbye to Hope for the first time. I would have expected it to be far easier than giving up Henry since I thought then, that I'd never see him again, but the pain isn't much smaller. I might only have to let Hope go for a few minutes, but it's still one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Defeating either of the villains, that have visited Storybrooke in the past doesn't compare – not even closely. I mean in this town there's no knowing for sure whether she will be safe and sound. There's no certainty, that I'll be alive to come back to her. Why do I have to always expect the worse anyway? It's really exhausting.

I begin placing small kisses all over Hope's head. She opens her eyes and smiles at me, until she apparently sees the tears on my face. She then reaches her hand out and touches some of them. She's probably trying to wipe them away, which really proves - if the eyes and mine and Killian's true love weren't an indication – that she's her dad's daughter. There's no way anyone could question that anyway since it would be the most delusional thing I've ever heard. I smile fondly at the memory of Killian wiping away my tears during my first time-travel experience. Oh damn. I miss him so much. I can't wait to get back home.

"Mommy has to leave for a little while to help a friend. But you'll be fine. Grandma and grandpa will take gook care of you. I'll be back as soon as possible." I say softly to her, while continuing to bounce her back and forth. "I love you, Hope." I whisper into her ear before starting to place her back in my mom's arms, but then I pull her into mine again. "Just one more minute." I hug her tightly to me as if I'm afraid someone might take her away from me any second, which is kind of true. She has to stay behind with my parents after all.

"Emma, it's going to be okay. Once you're back here, it'll feel like no time has passed at all." My dad doesn't know how wrong he is about that.

"You don't know that. You were cursed, so that's why you feel like no time has passed. I'll miss and worry about her every single second." I snap, but I regret it a second later. I'm not usually this bitchy but having to leave Hope behind makes me anxious. "I'm sorry. I know you'll treat her like she's your own kid and you'll be great to her. I just don't like saying goodbye to her – or to anyone in that matter. I'm not good at goodbyes." even though I should be pro at it for every single time I had to watch Killian die...

My dad puts his hand on my shoulder then in understanding as my mom begins to slowly pull Hope back into her arms. When she has my baby completely in her arms, I give her one last kiss before walking out the door.

As I walk through the door though, I turn around, thinking that one more tearful goodbye kiss can't hurt. I see that as soon as I'm back in the main room, my parents begin to complain, but I put my hand up.

"Don't worry. I just need to give her one last kiss. Then I'll be out the door to search for Emma." I do as I said and this time I actually mean it. My heart might feel like it shatters into a million pieces, but I tell myself that I can do it. I've literally been through hell after all without a single scratch.