Find My Way Back To You

Chapter 16

--- EMMA'S POV ---

After my mom was done with picking a travel crib at the store and chatting at the checkout with Sneezy, we finally walk to the loft. Who knew that my mom could spend hours looking at three different travel cribs, never being able to pick one. I swear that if Hope hadn't gotten all fuzzy, we'd still be at the store, looking at the same three options.

But thankfully we're here now. My mom quickly sets up the crib, before walking back downstairs to prepare dinner. I'm staying in Emma's – well my old room. Mom insisted that Emma will be okay staying with Henry for a while, which I suppose is right.

I sit on the bed with Hope in my arms and start to feed her. During my pregnancy everyone kept telling me how awful breastfeeding is since babies are so complicated about it. Not to mention the pain. But with Hope it's really no issue. She isn't being difficult at all and knows well how to feed on her own. I don't have to like force her to feed or ridiculous stuff like that. She hasn't bitten me yet either, which I greatly appreciate. I guess she is just smarter than other babies, which I always knew anyway.

I watch my baby as she nurses and smile at her, while running my hand slowly over her head. It's a habit I've become quite obsessed with. Her head is just so incredibly soft. I love it a lot. I love her more than anything though – including her head. Well except my love for Henry and Killian – that's pretty much equal to my love for Hope.

Once Hope is finished with her meal, I burp her. Then I put her in the middle of the bed to get the travel crib. It's too far away from my bed for my taste, so I put it right next to the bed instead. Then I sit down next to Hope, intending to tuck her into her new bed, but I get distracted by her once again. She's lying on her back, while shaking her legs in the air. It's the most adorable thing. And as far as I know, she hasn't done it before. I lightly tickle her stomach and it just makes her wiggle her legs faster. Also, that cute smile of hers makes a reappearance.

Without even thinking about it I turn to the side to smile at Killian, which is what I always do when our baby does something adorable. That is until I remember that he isn't here with me. We're years apart and it makes me want to bawl my eyes out. For a moment I didn't think about my current situation: being trapped in the past without a certain way home. Hope sure is a good distraction. My only happiness these days. Well day – it's only been a day so far even though it feels like a lifetime ago.

I get out my phone and start to record Hope, so that I can show it to Killian once I'm home, but she stops a few seconds later. I tickle her again, but still nothing. I assume, that she either noticed my mood changing from happy to sad and it upset her too or that she's exhausted from the day. Probably the latter. It's nap time for her. I put my phone on the nightstand and pick up my little angel. I rock her a little and give her quite some kisses on the head. "Goodnight, my little sunshine. I'll see you in a few hours after your nap." I put her into the bed, but she instantly gets more energy once again and starts crying loudly.

I groan and look at the clock. It's 6pm. She normally does need sleep right about now. So, what's the problem. Is it the bed?

Then it hits me, she usually gets a bedtime story by Killian after we both tuck her in. Does that mean I have to tell her a story? It would probably be a good idea, even though I'm a terrible story teller. That's because no one ever told me bedtime stories in my childhood. I spend most of it in group homes and there no one cared about me. The first time I ever felt loved was on my 28th birthday. When henry asked me to stay in Storybrooke with him. Anyway, I'll have to try telling her a story. I don't think Hope will accept a recording this time.

I pick her up again and sit down on the bed with her in my arms. I cuddle with her a little, which calms her down pretty quickly. After that I softly begin to tell her the story of how Killian and I met. It's a story she hears almost daily, but she seems to love it still.

I tell her about how I found him, and we instantly connected on some level. I leave out the part where I threatened to kill him with a dagger to his throat and move on to climbing the beanstalk. How Killian was glad I was the one to climb the beanstalk with him and how he kept trying to get to know me. I tell her about how worried he got because of my hand even though he never admitted it. I tell her that I kept his scarf. I figured out things about his past without him having to tell me. We always knew deep down, that we were very alike, so we understood each other more than anyone has ever understood me. It scared me a lot, which made my walls climb higher and higher, but even then, Killian tried to break them down. He never directly told me, but I'm sure that he somehow began to fall in love with me that day. Maybe I did, too, but was always too stubborn to admit it. All I know is that when I first kissed him in Neverland, I was trying to make a point to him. I somehow accepted that day, that we might have a future together. For a moment he broke my walls down long enough for me to admit, that there was always something between us. I never would've thought of it as love back then, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I did fall in love with him on the beanstalk – very slowly. I mean I did keep that scarf of his, so deep down he must have meant something to me then without me realizing it. I always fell for him slowly, but when he traded his ship for me everything changed and I fell for him all at once.

I'm not even at the part of the story, where I decided to leave Killian on the beanstalk, when Hope is already fast asleep. I stop talking, but still continue to watch her for a few more minutes as she sleeps in my embrace.

Soon, I kiss her head and put her back into the crib. I quietly leave the room, but not before standing at the top of the stairs for a moment to check whether she'll be okay. When I eventually descend the stairs, I check for a sign of my mother having overheard the story, but she doesn't show any. I sigh in relief quietly. This means that she hasn't heard anything. It's not like she can keep a secret. She'd be interrogating me about my whole life by now. But she doesn't.

"Is Hope asleep?" she asks quietly.

I walk to her, into the kitchen, and answer. "Yes. Now can I help you with anything?"

She shakes her head with a smile. "I'm all done. We're just waiting now for the others."

And like clockwork, the door opens as soon as she finished the sentence. My dad, my present self and Henry walk into the loft. The first two smile at me, but Henry looks confused. I guess no one warned him about my presence here. He looks between me and Emma with the weirdest look on his face. It's a surprise, really, I would've expected Henry to be the least shocked. He loves magic after all and the story book, which has some crazy stuff in it. He's read it so often, that nothing should surprise him anymore, but that's clearly not the case.