*Trigger warning, suicidal thoughts*
A crazy person. That's who killed my mother. Someone who wasn't even aware of their actions? Or maybe they were. They just weren't conscious of the effects of their actions.
As I was driving home warm tears were streaming down my face. Almost to the point where I couldn't see the road. But I didn't know where to go. Where could I go?
I pull over into a small neighborhood and park the car. I look at my phone to see many notifications from Liam and one from Dad asking me where I was.
I silenced my phone and sat back in the drivers seat letting every single word he said sink in. It was almost like I was there with her when it happened.
I squint my eyes shut as I fall deeper. Deeper into this black hole that has now become my life.
All I wanted was to be with my mom. Wherever she was. I don't believe in a heaven or hell, but I do believe that there is somewhere where happiness is so powerful that it pours through everyone's eyes. That there's no such thing as tragedy's or sadness. That our only worry is to be happy.
There wouldn't be any cloudy days or bad people. There would be no Mr. Finely.
That brought my back to reality because there in fact was a Mr. Finely. And he killed my mother. I felt rage pulse through my veins, and anger rush to my brain. Yet I felt sadness in my heart.
My grandma was right. Knowing who killed her wouldn't give us closure. It would only make us hungry for more. It goes from wondering who did it to why they did it to how they did it and so on.
We would be stuck in the endless cycle of just wanting more. I scream and cry and slam my head back on the head rest.
I don't want to be here anymore.
It's a scary thought to have. I've never had such a strong desire to leave. Especially when that place is my life. I wanted it to end. I wanted to end it. There was absolutely nothing anymore, and I've never hurt so bad in my life.
I took the keys out of the ignition and got out of my car only to hear sirens come roaring down the street I was parked on and stop in front of me.
A familiar man got out of his car and called out my name.
"Andi, what's going on?" Mr. Robbins said.
I look at him in his eyes and feel myself completely fall apart.
"I want to die." I whisper to myself. "I want to be with my mom."
