I laid Blake back down on his hospital bed, walking out of the room, I looked to my mum as she broke down pulling me into a hug. I didn't hug back, I felt this void in me that couldn't be filled. we stayed there for maybe fifteen minutes before I walked to the waiting zone, I leaned my head on my mum's shoulder, falling asleep quickly.
I woke up an hour and a half after, by Soulla running into the hospital. "I need to know, Is he okay?" She asked the receptionist. "Is my boy okay?"
"Ma'am, Who is your son?" The receptionist asked. I walked over to Soulla, ready to hold her once she broke down.
"Blake Richardson." She sobbed. The receptionist sighed before answering Soulla. "No."
"We lost him at 12:03." Soulla turned around, I held her immediately as she broke down. I started crying along with her.
"He can't be. He can't be gone." Soulla cried. "My baby boy can't be."
"I don't believe it either." I cried. I held Soulla for five minutes while we both cried.
Me and Soulla let go of each other, I walked back to Blake's room as she walked to my mum and dad along with Reece's parents. I slowly sat next to him. I put my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes. "Why'd you leave." I asked to the air, knowing I wasn't going to get a response. "What made you leave? Was the fight too strong? Did you give up on us Blake? Or were you defeated?" I cried "I have no idea how I will live with this Blake. How am I going to find someone that loved and cared for me like you did? Someone with your sense of humor? Someone that... Someone to just spend my life with." I sighed, staying with him. "Just know, I'll never be happy with anyone as happy as I was with you Blake." I kissed his hand, I didn't want to leave, even though I knew he did.
⌘
Today marked a month since he's been gone. It's been the worst.
Telling the fans.
Abbie, Alexia, Olivia, Eleni, The rest of his family that weren't there when he passed.
Me and Reece haven't been talking much.
Life in general was way tougher than it ever was.
I was going to help Soulla today, Pack a few of his things. I knew I was going to see a bunch of stuff that would make me super nostalgic. In a happy or sad way, either or, I knew I was going to cry.
I got there earlier than we planned, Soulla was already seated on the couch, looking at some old pictures, tears in her eyes. "He was so young." She smiled turning the page to the next series of pictures. "I remember that Christmas, I got him a guitar, something he wanted for so long." She looked to me, with a slight smile. "That guitar got him pretty far."
"Yeah it did." I smiled.
"Do you want to keep the guitar?" She asked looking to me.
"I'd like that yeah."
"There's something else I believe he'd want me to give to you." She said looking to me. I looked to her raising a brow confusedly. She walked over to the TV stand, taking something out of the drawer. She turned to me and handed me a little box. "He wanted to give it to you on your two month anniversary, which would've been tomorrow." She sighed. "But here you go." I took the box, opening it. Two little rings were inside, GSGS engraved on one and BER on the other.
"Rings." I smiled as a tear rolled down my cheek.
"Promise." She said. I looked up to her with a slight smile. "They're promise rings." She sat back down onto the sofa looking to me as I stared at the gold rings. I took the one with GSGS and put it on. I turned to look at Soulla.
"Would you have a gold chain to put Blake's ring on? I'd have him close to my heart like that."
"I'm sure I can find one." She smiled. She sighed before looking to me. "He really loved you George." She looked away before continuing. "I've never seen Blake happier with anyone other than you." She grinned a little before that grin left as quick as it appeared. "I won't be the person to tell you to move on George. I won't be the person to tell you 'Blake would want you to be with someone else.' Because I know my boy loved you with every bit of his heart." She sighed. "Whatever you do, is up to you." She pat my back before walking down the hall. I took his ring in my hands and held it tightly.
⌘
I finished getting suited, taking my phone in one hand and walking out to the living area joining my mum and dad. "Ready to go sweetheart?" My mum asked taking her car keys as I nodded. I walked out behind my dad, locking the door. The car ride to the funeral was long and extremely depressing. I had my "songs for Blake" Playlist going, which wasn't the best of ideas, but those were songs that reminded me of him, and I've been listening to the playlist on repeat for quite a few hours now. The one playing now was definitely the worst on the feelings, just the first line of it. "I'd give forever to touch you cause I know that you feel me somehow." Iris by the goo goo dolls. It was another one of Blake's favorite songs and I haven't listened to it in a while. I let the music flow through my ears and the tears fall from my cheeks.
We got to place where the funeral was held, I walked over to Ellie, Charlie and Reece, whom was being pushed and brought around in a wheelchair due to the accident. "Hey Reece." I grinned leaning in to hug him. "Els." I smiled hugging her afterwards. "Hey Buddy." I smiled taking Charlie into my arms, swinging him around.
"How are you feeling?" Ellie asked patting my back.
"Could be doing better, obviously." I hugged Ellie again, feeling this sudden weight fall onto me. "I still don't believe he's gone." She held me tightly, her beginning to cry as well.
About an hour later, the ceremony started. Common faces were seated everywhere in the church, from family to acquaintances, most faces were family. There was a few speeches before mine, I didn't even want to go up. As much as I loved Blake, I knew I wouldn't keep it together talking about him in front of everyone, whom 99% of them didn't even know we were dating.
"It's your turn." Reece whispered to me, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"I-I Can't." I said before running out of the hall, Ellie following me.
"George" She said catching up to me, yet that's when I hit the lowest low. I broke down to my knees, crying, heavy breathing, screaming at myself, trying to get all the pain out yet it was all still there.
I felt him near me, I felt his presence, I felt some sort of undeniable pain. "I'm sorry." was all I managed to say. I repeatedly yelled it, five, six times. I felt like I had to apologize for not being there, for not saving him, for not giving him a reason to stay. Ellie was next to me, holding me as I repeatedly said sorry to the cold air around us.
"George, you're okay, I got you." I heard Ellie say, yet sounded like Blake, and I felt my heart stop.
I'm still crying okay
