My Ex and Whys (Lesbian)

Chapter 37

Ang gaang sa pakiramdam habang pinagmamasdan ko ang malawak na kalangitan na punong puno ng mga nagkikislapang bituin. Malamig din ang hangin na sobrang nakakapagparekax sakin, it gives me a sense of security and peace of mind na nakakatulong para makapag-isip ako ng diretso at makapagdesisyon ng maayos.

Kaya i felt that this is the perfect place for me and Aubree to talk to. Well yeah, she is here with me right now. Next to me actually. Pero parang kahit ilang hakbang lang ang layo namin sa isa't isa ay nahihirapan parin akong abutin sya.

But i can't never blame her or anyone but myself dahil aminin ko man o hindi ay may kasalanan din ako sa nangyari lalo na nang iwanan ko si Aubree sa ere dahil sa bugso ng damdamin. Ngunit magsisi man ako ngayon ay huli narin. It's too late para damayan sya, it's too late to win her back because... She is getting married with a guy and that perfectly breaks me apart.

I couldn't help but secretly glance at Aubree who is making herself busy by watching leaves swaying through the wind. The moonlight illuminates in her face and universe reflects through those eyes. There's no doubt that Aubree is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen, a perfect masterpiece of life and.... she was almost mine.

"Gosh..." Aubree whispered impatiently that totally breaks the silence between us. "Tatayo at tutunganga nalang ba tayo dito nang buong magdamag."

Bigla akong napapikit, tasting the  sound of her voice that i truly miss pero mas ramdam ko yung sakit na dapat lunukin para hindi ako maiyak. "No.."

Bumuntong hininga si Aubree nang hindi man lang tumitingin sakin. "Then what now?"

My jaw tightened while contemplating of a substantial opening. "Give me time Aubree." Huminga muna ako ng malalim para bumwelo para sa mga susunod kong sasabihin. "Just listen to me please."

Aubree just let her hair whipped by the strong wind carrying the devine essence of her perfume. "Fine, five minutes."

Alam ko na hindi sapat ang five minutes sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin kay Aubree but i didn't have any choice anymore. Tutal nandito na ako, nandito si Aubree then i will grab this opportunity narin.

"Alam ko na super gasgas na pero I'm deeply sorry." I told her wholeheartedly. "For hurting you and for leaving four years ago. Sobrang gulo ng isip ko, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin." Ewan ko pero biglang nanikip ang lalamunan ko kaya tila napakahirap magsalita. "But i swear to God Aubree. Everything won't be like this if i only knew the truth, if someone told me what really happened."

"Hindi mo man lang ako hinintay makarecover." Malamig na sambit ni Aubree sa hangin. "At basta ka nalang umalis ng walang paalam.."

Tears swelled in my eyes but i did all my best not to cry. I want her to think that im still the Ice Queen she knew. "Yeah. I was hurt but it was nothing compared of what you went through." Pagsang-ayon ko ng walang pagdadalawang isip. What's the sense of denying if I'm in the edge of sinking. "I was selfish, very inconsiderate especially of your feelings."

"I thought about telling you what Alice did to me that night but i was scared na layuan mo ko, na pandirian mo ko dahil..."

I looked at her in disbelief. "Ganyan ba kababaw ang pagkakakilala mo sakin?"

"But do you know what is funny?" Aubree just continued talking, completely ignoring my question. Hindi na ako sumagot dahil matamang nakikinig ako sa kanya. "I have waited for you." Lalong hindi ko describe yung nararamdaman ko. "Hinintay ki-ta bumalik—" Pumiyok si Aubree that makes my heartache even more. "Isang taon, dalawa, tatlo—"

"Aubree..." I whispered her name softly.

"Pero pakiramdam ko..." Napatungo si Aubree kasabay ng pagbagsak ng luha nya. "Nag-aaksaya lang ako ng oras at panahon sa isang bagay na walang kasiguraduhan." Napahawak ako sa railings to support myself dahil sa panlalambot ng tuhod ko. Kung nalaman ko agad ang totoo four years ago I'm pretty sure i will come back and love her without condition. "Pero nangyari na ang nangyari." Mahinang bulong ni Aubree but still in able to hear it. "Whatever you said now won't fix anything anymore."