all yours | antoine griezmann

09

All Yours
09 | Weak

After crying my soul out at Fernando's house I left making my way to Koke and Beatriz' house, I was in a total despair and didn't even know how to begin to explain everything I was feeling. My heart was beyond broken, I didn't know if I could get over this heartbreak. I was on a dark path already, I was still struggling to understand why Antoine had just ended things like that. Did he think we couldn't work things out?

"How are you feeling now?" Koke asked me sitting down beside me on the couch, he'd just returned home after abruptly leaving not explaining where he was going.

"I'm okay, don't worry about me." I smiled at him and Beatriz, they had both taken me in during this time and I was thankful for that. I wasn't sure I could be alone at this time, despite having a house in Madrid I wasn't ready to be alone again.

"Thank you, so much for helping me." I started on the verge of crying once again, I had cried so much at this point I was sure that my tears were soon to run out.

"Don't thank us, we're always here for you." Koke said, I smiled at the pair feeling loved in the moment. I always knew I could count on them when I needed help.

"I know how bad you must feel right now but remember we're here for you." Beatriz said placing her arm around my shoulder pulling me towards her.

I was going through a range of emotions in my head, I didn't know where to start. To put it in simple terms I was simply plain sad. There was no other way to put it, I was sad and I was sure that I was going to stay like that for a good while. It felt like I couldn't breath, as if the air was punched right out of my lungs. I wondered what he was doing right now, was he as hung up as I was? He probably wasn't, it felt as if he wanted to get rid of me as fast as he could. I wanted to be alone in every possible way but I knew if I was alone I'd end up doing something I'd regret.

"It'll get better." Beatriz said rubbing my shoulder slightly, it didn't make me feel any better but it was the thought that counted. She was trying to cheer me up, but I felt sick.

Sick to my stomach, I could feel the bile rising at the back of my throat slowly and slowly. I kept trying to smile at both of them without making it seem I was ready to puke all the contents of my stomach out. Koke started talking completely changing the subject which almost slightly helped ease my mind, although I was concentrating on the fact that the bile was getting closer and closer to my mouth.

"That's exactly what I meant, don't you think so?" Koke said, I wasn't paying attention keeping my eyes glued onto the floor.

"Amelia? I asked you something." Koke said, I was snapped out of my train of thought when I turned my head looking at him.

"Sorry what did you say?"

"Amelia are you sure you're okay? You look a bit pale." Beatriz said, I was most definitely not okay. I stood up as fast as I could pacing my hand over my mouth and running to the bathroom.

As soon as I reached the bathroom I had no time to shut the door, I went straight onto my knees kneeling over the toilet seat and allowed the contents of my stomach out. I held my hair back as I continued throwing up, it was sickening to me that so much could come out of my tiny body. I heard footsteps behind me as Beatriz entered the bathroom taking over holding my hair. I only continued spewing out the contents on my stomach until there was no more left.

Once I'd flushed the toilet I rinsed my mouth out with mouth also wetting my face. I felt weak, my whole body was shaking from throwing up. I placed the toilet seat down and I sat down whilst Beatriz was sitting on the edge of the bathtub stroking my leg softly as way to make me feel better.

"Are you feeling okay? Do you want a glass of water?"

"I'm okay." I said softly although it came out more so a whisper.

Did the heartbreak really make me feel this sick? I'd never experienced anything like it, I felt belittled like a victim. I was sat there shaking, weak in my whole body. Throwing up because of what? Because of heartbreak, it doesn't make sense to me.

"The stress really got to you." She added, I smiled at her nodding my head slightly, "Either that or you're pregnant." She joked chuckling, I started laughing along with her when I suddenly stopped.

It dawned on me what she had just said, pregnant. There was no way I could be pregnant, it was almost impossible. Antoine and I had always been so careful, I'd never missed a pill before. I was always so punctual with these things. Throughout all this stress I realised I'd completely forgotten to take it.

"Amelia you're not pregnant are you?" Beatriz asked the tone completely changing in her voice, I could hear the concern.

"I don't know." I simply said, I was out of words for myself. I couldn't be pregnant, I just couldn't.

"When was your last period?" She asked, and then I racked my brain for every possible answer. It hit me that I haven't had my period for two months, I'd been going around stressing like mad about Fernando that I'd completely ignored the fact my period hadn't come.

"No, no, no." I quickly said getting up from the toilet seat, I was pacing back and forth in the bathroom pulling at my roots. This was not happening right now.

"Amelia what?"

"I haven't had it for two months! This can't be happening this isn't the way I imagined this." I said practically shouting, I didn't mean to shout but I was sure Beatriz understood why I was reacting like this.

She walked over to me placing her hands on my shoulders stopping me from pacing around her bathroom like a mad woman, "Stop it, stop stressing out." She calmly said.

She walked over to the mirror right above the bathroom sick opening it taking out a pregnancy test, she handed it to me and left the bathroom allowing me to take the test. I pulled at my roots once more before completely calming myself down, I waited a few minutes before I proceeded the take the test.

Once I'd finished taking the test I looked at the wrapped indicting the wait time is three minutes, I pulled my phone out of pocket setting a timer. As I waited I couldn't help but think that if I were truly pregnant would I make a good mother? My mother was always there for me, through food and bad and always will be. She's my best friend and I'd hope my child would confide in me for anything and everything.

Two minutes and thirty seconds

I pulled the seat down and sat down bobbing my leg up and down on the floor, I was nervous. I didn't want to turn the test over and have it reveal the results. This was crazy to me, how could I ignore two months of missing a period? I was never like this, I was always so on the dot with this things. I kept bobbing my leg up and down as I looked at my phone seeing how much time was left.

fifty four seconds left

I was getting more and more anxious as the time passed, was I really ready to be a mother? I was at the peak of my career making a name for myself, I was only just starting to enjoy my life. Was I truly ready to change it all? As my phone blasted out the timer was done I stood up turning my phone off and placing it back in my pocket. I picked the wrapper up seeing two lines meant positive for pregnant and one line meant negative for not pregnant.

I slowly picked up the test still having it face down, I was terrified to turn it over and check the results. I was shaking once again, my hands unstable in the moment. Sooner or later I had to turn it over and see the results, I breathed in a huge amount of air letting it out slowly as I tried telling myself this isn't the worst possible thing that could happen to me. I slowly turned the test over closing my eyes before seeing the result, I waited a few seconds till I finally opened my eyes.

Positive, pregnant.