bad boy | jjk ✔️

eight.

your pov

    And the cycle starts.

    Every few months, there's always a day or two where I feel nothing—absolutely nothing.

    It's also where I want to do nothing, and just sit there staring at the plain, white walls. My night terrors are always worse during these days, and sometimes I might hallucinate. Call me crazy, because I agree.

    It's like when girls are on their period, but just way, way more depressing. As much as I want to skip school, I can't. It's my last year anyways.

    I got diagnosed with PTSD earlier, and depression a year after the accident. Most of the time, I just have mental breakdowns. Luckily Jae-eun is there. Some days are worse than others, I would grab a razor and draw it horizontally across my wrist. And sometimes, I wonder why I am really here.

    I lifted my sleeves up, looking at the light scars I've left on myself. It was barely noticeable and you could only see it if you looked closely.

    The light scars were drawn years ago, I did it after I had quit drinking alcohol—if I couldn't find peace in alcohol, maybe I could find it in pain. But I decided to stop doing it to myself after Jae-eun lectured me on it. I am so lucky to have her as my best friend.

    Only two people know my secret—well, one now. My grandmother was the one that took me to the doctor—after finding out that I had depression, she didn't know what to do, so she got me a therapist. The therapist was horrible, or, I am horrible. I realized that I had never opened up to her before my grandmother passed away—that's when the sessions stopped.

    The only person that knows my secret and is alive now, is Jae-eun. I made her vow to never tell anyone. She was speechless at first when I told her, but then she told me that she'd help me through what I go through. I guess some people are worth living for.

    I walked through the school doors. It was the first day of school, but I felt so... empty. I looked down at my empty hand, the feeling of warmth and care wasn't there. Dae-suk isn't there.

'I can make it through today', I thought. I walked into math, one of the subjects I despise the most. I used my arms as cushions and put my head down onto it.

I sighed, going deep into my thoughts.

    'How did it even happen?'

    'Why did it happen so quick?'

    'Why couldn't I save them?'

    Questions swirled into my mind, questions that I could not answer. Questions that I need to find the answer to.

    "Y/N, do you have the answer for this?" Mrs. Kim called out, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I groaned, keeping my head on my desk. As much as would like to keep a good reputation, nobody is here to scold me anymore. Not eomma, appa, or Dae-suk. Grandmother is just there to watch me, but I know she doesn't care. Could it get any worse?

    "What's the answer for..." I tuned her out, lifting my head up. My eyes widened as I saw a familiar figure stand here, looking at me as I stared at him.

    The figure had a bowl haircut and black hair. He continued looking at me as I tilted my head to the side.

    What the hell?

    I shook my head, closing my eyes. When I opened my eyes and looked back at the front of the classroom, he wasn't there anymore.

    "Y/N," Mrs. Kim called out. My eyes darted up to her as she walked over to my desk, tapping on it.