Merlin shorts and such

Fault

"Merlin, it's been three years since the battle at Camlann." Gaius has walked in on many of Merlin's crying sessions since the battle at Camlann, but never one so bad.

"It doesn't feel like three years." Tears are streaming down Merlin's face and loud, heartbreaking sobs rose up his throat. "It's my fault." Merlin's voice breaks as he sobs on his bed, tears making his pillow damp.

"It's not your fault Merlin, he's not coming back—none of them are." Gaius has never been able to comfort his ward in these lonely times, but he tries his best to take guilt from him.

"I should have been better." Merlin is almost screaming at Gaius, sad and angry words flying out of his mouth. "Everybody is dead and it's my fault. I could have saved Arthur! I could have been better or- or healed him. I shouldn't have been late! I was late and now he's dead. Gwen probably hates me. She hates me for letting Arthur die and for what I am."

When word got around that Merlin was a warlock, many people put him to shame. They were scared of Merlin, they feared the boy they once loved. Gwen, however, did not. She knew Merlin wasn't evil, she knew Merlin tried his hardest and that he is  a good person. Unfortunately, this information never got to Merlin because he hasn't left his chambers in years.

"It's not only Arthur. Gwaine, Balinor, Lancelot, Elyan, Fraya, Morgana, everyone! If I had done a better job then they would be alive. I pushed Morgana into what she became when I poisoned her. Lancelot sacrifices himself so I wouldn't. Gwaine would be alive if I killed Morgana earlier. Balinor died protecting me and I found him! I made him come out of his hiding where he was safe. Elyan would be alive if I was better. Fraya, oh Fraya would be alive if I just protected her better."

Merlin could feel his magic swirling inside of him, but didn't pay too much attention to it. He gripped his arms and sobbed furiously as Gaius stared at his ward full of sorrow.

"I killed them!" The young warlock was scream now, his voice rough and throat raw. He reached his hands up to his hair and pulled at the short strands. "I killed my friends!" Merlin let out a particularly loud shout and threw his hands down. His magic ran through his fingers and hit his armoire. The wooden structure snapped and crumbled to the ground.

Merlin chocked on a sob and clasped his hands together.

"I destroy everything."

Gaius whispered a very quiet 'oh' and took a step closer to his ward. He went to put a hand on Merlin's shoulder, but was interrupted.

"Don't touch me, for all I know, I'll kill you too." Gaius stared at Merlin in shock and shook his head.

"Merlin."

"Gaius, just please leave me alone."

The older man was reluctant, but left the warlock alone, realizing nothing can make Merlin better.