Supernatural One-Shots // Imagines // Drabbles

#11 I Don't Belong Here (Dean x Reader)

Paring: Dean x Reader

Summary: Told in first person POV, the reader struggles with depression and an unrequited love.

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When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

Love. No one is ever prepared for it. Sometimes you would never see yourself falling in love with a certain person. Maybe it's their attitude, personality, or their aura in general. But somehow, this person whom you never thought you'd fall in love with, suddenly had twisted themselves around your heart, pulling you in so deep that you felt suffocated without them, that they were your life force. That the pull they had on you was so strong, your heart physically ached for them. For their mere presence sated the raging fire within you.

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

And I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

Love. It grasps at your heartstrings so unexpectedly that it leaves scars, the sudden tug ripping through the tissues around your heart, making an everlasting appearance on your soul. But honestly, I didn't mind. With him, my fucked up life became better. With him, my smiles weren't forced, but genuine, real smiles. I'd laugh with him effortlessly, something I'd struggle with on the daily.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

And when they finally say those words back to you, your heart stops beating for one fleeting moment. Your world screeches to a stop, and it's suddenly just you two, staring into one another's eyes. And at that moment, I knew that finally, finally, my life was beginning to look up. That the darkness looming over me on a daily basis is being broken through by his light; his laugh; his smile.

I don't care if it hurts

I want to have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

But, time goes on. And with it, his feelings. Suddenly, I was no longer his number one. Suddenly, he doesn't tell me he loves me anymore, nor does he give me random kisses on the head or the cheek. And I knew when he fell out of love with me, because he barely shared a glance my way. His arms never found themselves wrapped around me in bed. He never held my hand while walking down the street, or even just in the car. He hadn't touched me in months. He had been my rock, the person I had told all my struggles to. The person I ran to when the thoughts had become to dark, and I knew that I wasn't safe alone.

I want you to notice

When I'm not around

You're so fuckin' special

I wish I was special

He didn't seem to give one ounce of his heart to me anymore. The day he stopped caring was the day I began spirling. It had been a wonderful year, but it had turned around like the snap of a finger, and he no longer noticed me. He no longer loved me.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

And fuck, does it hurt. Those strings that had tugged at my heart, pulling me towards him ever so slightly, had suddenly been ripped out, making my heart bleed. The dull ache had turned into a searing pain. The touch I craved for him, the one that had been sated by his soft lips and gentle caresses, hadn't been fulfilled, leaving me empty. The darkness in my head that had been overtaken by his light had slowly returned, snuffing out any light left, leaving me worse than I was before him.

She's running out again,

She's running out

She's run run run run

The truth was, I missed him. I missed a man who slept by my side each night, but was never truly there. He was distant, and it hurt. It hurt seeing him falling out of love so quickly, tossing me to the side. You may think I sound like a brat, that people should feel what they feel, that he just didn't love me anymore. To get the fuck over it. But I couldn't help it. I loved him. So much it hurt.

Whatever makes you happy

Whatever you want

You're so fuckin' special

I wish I was special

It was finally my time. The demon had done his job, his blade piercing my heart. He watched me fall, but he continued to hold his brother, who was unconscious on the floor across the room. My knees hit the cold concrete, a grunt escaping my lips as searing pain split through my body. My eyes met his for a moment, and the look he gave me could have killed me then and there. There was nothing. Just blank, emptiness in the emerald orbs I loved so much. And it was at that moment that I realized how much he had changed. That I was so far gone to him, my death meant nothing. My eyes flickered down to the mark on his arm, burning bright under his flannel. And I knew, at that moment, my Dean was gone. And as I took my last breaths, as my body fell to the floor with a thud, I found solace in the fact that he had loved me at some point. Before the darkness took its hold on me, before I drifted off into the dark abyss, I uttered my final words to him, knowing that he could hear me, letting him know that I loved him. I welcomed the darkness, for my own had swallowed me a long time ago. And even if he no longer cared for me, I loved him deeply, and it was our unrequited love that had made that mark burn brighter, and my head grow darker.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

I don't belong here.