Supernatural One-Shots // Imagines // Drabbles

#10 Letting Go (Dean x Reader)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: It's summertime at the bunker but the reader can't find it in herself to enjoy it like she usually does. Not without her missing piece.

*Trigger Warning: Suicide*

___

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best

It was summertime. The air stifling and the sun scorching. Birds sat up in the shade of the dense trees, bees buzzing in the tall grasses around the bunker as butterflies fluttered around the wildflowers. Y/N sat and watched them, their bright colors flitting through the grass. They didn't have a care in the world, and Y/N longed to be like them. Longed to spread her wings and fly, leaving behind the hunting world, flying out into the vast space that was the open Earth.

It wasn't realistic of course. She knew that. But that's why she was going to let go. Let go of the tether of darkness that kept her bound to the forlorn world she lived in. It was getting worse for her, the growing feelings of despair and sorrow plaguing her once lively heart, damaging it until there was hardly anything left.

She couldn't necessarily talk with Sam about it because he'd never understand. Even after the events of six months ago, he always kept fighting. Kept charging through the sea of serpents and various terrors, because he was a Winchester, and that's what they did.

But she wasn't as strong as him. She thought she could be. She thought she could push the dark thoughts down, but the looming cloud always stayed above her head, coating her in a blanket of shadows that no matter how much light she doused it with, it still wouldn't dissipate.

And she was tired.

I got my red dress on tonight

Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight

Done my hair up real big beauty queen style

High heels off, I'm feeling alive

She held onto the good memories. The memories that helped her smile. Like her and Dean's first date, the first time they made love, the first time he told her he loved her. But unfortunately, she had more bad ones than good. She had more demons than angels and they fought like hell, slashing through her head until there was hardly any light left.

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere

Nothing scares me anymore.

With the thought of nothing, the thought of simply floating up into the vast sky, the great blue swallowing her like just another soul, was almost too elating for her. The thought of being a simple cloud over a world that brought her more death and misery than it did happiness was too much for her. She found herself laying back in the warm grass, the buzzing of the bugs and bees dying down as she found herself drifting off, knowing soon she'd be too numb to feel the pain anymore.

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best

A part of her felt as though she was being too selfish, that letting go was almost too harsh for those around her. But if they only knew a fraction of what she went through each day, what thoughts ran through her head each day from morning till night, she thought that maybe they'd understand.

The thought of Dean creeped into her mind, nearly bringing tears to her E/C eyes. He was the only thing that could bring her some sort of light and happiness. And her heart clenched painfully in her chest at the thought of him.

She faced her fate a long time ago. She wasn't living. Not anymore. What she was doing wasn't living. It was surviving. And it had gotten too hard to just survive anymore.

I got that summertime, summertime sadness

S-s-summertime, summertime sadness

Got that summertime, summertime sadness

And as she slowly felt her body let go, felt that tether holding her down snap, she sighed, letting all her pain go with just one breath. And she floated, feeling weightless in a world she once felt was weighing her down too much. She was a simple mist, a free floating being soaring through the vast space of the open Earth. She flew alongside the butterflies, feeling their soft wings brush against her cooling skin.

In a world that brought her pain, she finally found peace. She turned her head then, smiling at her love for the first time in six months. Her eyes met the leaf green ones that she had longed to see for so long. Tears slipped down her cheeks as a smile grew on her lips at the sight of him. She reached up, brushing her fingertips ever so softly against his cheek, feeling his skin under hers after so long.

"Hi," He whispered. "I missed you."

"Oh, I missed you too, my love," She said to him. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. She was finally with him. They were finally together again, an essence that no one could see. But they shone bright together, and that cloud dispersed, leaving two beings in the center of a field full of wildflowers and butterflies, and her pain was erased. And together, they entered that last line between life and death, ready to start living together again, even if their bodies weren't.