Hate Thy Neighbor (A Palestinian's fight against the world)

19 Silence but peace

We drove for about another 5 hours. I believe we are close to San Diego now.

"We cant just keep on driving" I told Brad.

"Yes, she is right. We need fuel, food and accommodation. We need to know what we are doing"

So we stopped by a restaurant. These guys are crazy as always. This is a non Halaal restaurant which means I have to eat chips and drink water. Great, but I can manage. I never trouble over food. There were times Israel government blocked all supplies of goods to Gaza, and we go hungry for weeks, if not months.

We stopped on the side way, away from the traffic to eat food. Derik and Silvia walked around, and I got out of the car to stretch my legs.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" Brad asked me. I was surprised he noticed.

"Halaal" I said. He knows Arabic, and he knows the Islamic traditions. So he understood I believe.

"Damn. I will get you something on the way"

"No, it's okay. I can manage till dinner" I told him sincerely.

"I am sorry this happened to you" he said coming closer to me. I looked down, refusing to look at the eyes that were ones my sons.

"Look at me Hayah" he said.

I shook my head. I can feel tears again pooling in my eyes.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But we are in this together" he said.

"You remind me so much of Musa. Looking at you at times like I am looking at him" I told him the truth.

"I cant bring him back even if I wanted to sweetheart" he said so lovingly, and the tears start spilling over.

"Don't cry. Please" he said, coming even more closer. I nodded but my tears didn't stop. I can hear pain and despair in his voice.

"You know what I did to you was for your best interest, right, sweetheart? I know I can not be forgiven for my actions, but it would really help me to know that you believe as much as that"

I nodded again. I remember everything Hanson said, Brads reaction and all the conversation. I might not be able to forgive him as yet, but I know why he raped me and did what he had to do.

There is some tension between me and Brad. I can feel it and I know he feels it too. I am not sure if it is physical or emotional. I don't want to know either. Feeling helpless, I wiped my tears.

Silvia and Derik were in their own world. They haven't finished eating.

"I have been fighting all by myself for so long, I don't know if I can open up for all of you here. I will go back to Palestine. If I die, I die at home" I told him. I know I cant go further than this. I got no support.

"Silvia and Derik seems sincere. I am not leaving you alone. We are in this together" he told me quite firmly.

"You have a life Brad. A life I was intending to make a living hell but yet, a life. Silvia and Brad can go back anytime. All they have to do is, hand me over to who ever they will. I don't have family, I don't have a partner or anyone who cares enough to fight for me. Everyone I loved and cared are dead. It's a matter of time before I face my fate. You know the truth Brad. Get justice for my son and my people, with or without me, in whatever capacity you can" I told him. I want him to live his life. Just justice for my son and my people. I cant do what he is capable of even if I tried. I can strike but it's nothing compared to his position.

"Too late for me to turn my back on you Hayah. I did it once. Never again. The moment I took your side against Hanson, the moment I threatened Abraham, they want me more than you for reasons you will not know. Even my mother and father would hand my head over to them in a golden platter. I cant force you to be with me or fight with me together, but I have chosen this path and no turning back now" he said, and I listened with utter silence.