The Reuion

Panickattack

                  ALECS POV

"And how is it?" Riley asked me and I was slowly getting tired. This was like the 100 cake flavour we tased and honestly they all tasted the same. "Mhh...this is delicious." I fake moaned and Riley sighed. "You said that about all the other ones too. This will lead to nothing." He grumbled and I could understand that he was mad. I knew it must seemed like I was not interested at all. "You know which on I really loved?" I ask him with a smile and Riley looked at me with a tired face. Who knew it would be so stressfull to plan a wedding. Probably it wasn't because people took months for it but we only had like two days. "Which one?" Riley asked and now he looked a little bit more realxed. "The one with chocolat and cherrys." I answered and Riley nodded with a smile. What the hell was I doing? I didn't want to marry him but Magnus would never want me and Riley would always be here for me. "You know what? Why don't you ran us a bath and I just see what Magnus is doing?" I asked him and Riley placed a hand on his forehead. "I would like to take a quick shower and just take a nap before we move to the suits." He answered and honestly I was glad that he didn't want to take a bath. How could I play with his heart like that? How could I fake all my emotions but on the other hand how could he not notice that I didn't want all of this. Maybe we both tried to hold on to something which was already gone. "Okay. Take your rest and I will also cook something." I said and Riley nodded. I pressed a kiss on his forehead and walked to the room where Magnus was. I knocked and waited for an answer but I didn't get one. "Magnus, are you awake?" I asked through the closed door and again I got no answer. I opened the door slowly and quietly just to see that Magnus was asleep. I walked to his bed as quiet as I could and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. "Why can't we just get our happy end?" I asked him because I knew he wouldn't hear him and smiled sadly at him. "You remember our kiss...I know that now. I just wish you would wake up and remember what you felt for me before the accident." I said with a breaking voice and tears burned behind my eyes but I didn't want to cry. Magnus looked so peaceful and he seemed so happy for me. I didn't want to lose him again even I couldn't have him like I wanted him. "When you almsot died in my arms I realized that no matter how hard I try to move on I will never be able to love someone like you. But we always end up hurting each other which should be a sight for us. Maybe we aren't supposed to be." I continued and to tell him that even he didn't hear me was almost relieving but there was still hope in me that he would wake up and tell me the oposide. I wish he would wake up and tell me he loved me the same way I did but something like that only happens in fairy tale and this wasn't a fairy tale...this was the real life. I carefully stroke with my thumb over his cheek and didn't realize that a ice cold tear rolled down my cheek. In two days I would be married and me and Magnus would never going to happen. "I love you Magnus and I will always love you." I whispered and then he moved which caused me to jump up but he didn't wake up. I took a deep breath and walked out of the room before I would break down in front of his bed. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes while I hit my head lightly against the wall. It didn't hurt but my heart did and it would always hurt. I would never be happy and I would never feel completed but the most painful thing was I would always see Magnus and had to face that he could have been the one but he forgot me. I was so close to my happy end and then everything was taken away from me. I sank down to the ground and looked at the other wall while I let out a little laugh. This wasn't funny but if I wouldn't laugh I would cry and I didn't want to cry anymore. I closed the door of me and Magnus 5 years ago but when I saw it this door was slammed open with one loud bang. Maybe I should have locked it but how can you lock a door you found comfort in. "Alexander?" I suddenly heard Magnus voice and my eyes snapped to the door. He stood there leaning against the door and looking worried at me. "Magnus, you're  awake." I said quickly and hoped he wouldn't ask anything. "Why are you sitting on the ground? You're okay?" Magnus asked to my bad luck and I sighed. "Yeah just hiding from Riley." I fake chuckled and suddenly Magnus came closer to me. He walked really slow and you could still see he was hurt but he kept walking. Magnus was only an inch away of me and I didn't know what to expect next. My heart stopped my breath was heavey and I didn't dare to move. Our faces were so close I could feel his breath on my skin and his warmth. "Stop me if you want me to." Magnus suddenly said with a low voice and in the next second I felt his soft lips on mine. I closed my eyes and was shocked but only after a few seconds I kissed him back. I didn't know if this was real and I was scared it would be a dream but when Magnus wrapped his arms around my neck I knew this was really happening. I placed my hand on his hips and kissed him back with everything I had. The kiss send electricity through my body and my whole skin burned. I could feel so many emotions in this one kiss and I wanted more. I pushed my tongue against his lips and Magnus opened his perfect lips to let my tongue in. I let my hands slid down and they were on his upper thights. I grabbed them and lifted him up carefully because after all he was still hurt. Someone needed to slapp me to show me this was real and not just a daydream again. Kissing Magnus was like finding water after weeks in the dessert. Just a few seconds earlier I thought I would never be able to do that with Magnus and now I kissed him.  I could cry from all the emotions but when Magnus tugged on my hair I let out a moan. 5 years I missed him and now he was there and we were so close. I didn't even cared that Riley was just one floor above us because to feel Magnus body against mine let me forget everything around me. I qushed Magnus against the wall and had my eyes still closed while I sucked on Magnus tongue. Magnus hands slid inside my shirt and he stroke my back with his soft fingertips. We made out and not just soft because our kisses were hot and lustfull. This was like a dream but it was realitly and only when I pulled back to breath after what felt like hours I got hit by it. I pulled back and saw that Magnus cloths were totally messed up and he breathed so fast while he looked in my eyes. Suddenly there were voices in my head and memories came back to me I tried so hard to forget. 'This is a mistake.' 'I don't love you.' That's what he said to me when we kissed 5 years ago and now I was scared. I was scared that this time he would do that again. Maybe the adult Magnus loved me but what if this Magnus still only used me as a toy? I looked in his eyes and he looked at me guiltily. The same look he had when he told me he would never love me crossed his face and the fear was taking over me. I let him down and stepped back. "Alexa..." "No...this was a mistake...I love Riley." I breathed and felt tears behind my eyes but I didn't want to cry in front of him. "I understand." He said with a cracking voice and I just passed him. I couldn't face him anymore and I just wanted to get away from all the mess. This was 10 times worse than 5 years ago and this time I couldn't run away. Why couldn't I just leave it behind me and be happy?  He said he understands but did he really do that? Why the hell did I lie and say I love Riley? It didn't get in my mind what just happened and it all felt so unreal. I ran up to my room and there was Riley in my bed. He slept and I couldn't breath anymore. It felt like the air wasn't getting in my lungs and I felt so dizzy suddenly. I dropped on my knees and that must be loud enough to wake Riley up. Hot tears ran down my cheeks and I couldn't get air in my lungs no matter how fast I breathed. Riley jumped up and ran towards me. "Alec...Alexander." He yelled and I just let out loud sobs while I tried to breath but everything hurt so much. 
"Alec...you need to breath." Riley said worried and placed his hands on my cheeks. "I...I...can't...please...It...hurts." I cried and saw how worried Riley got when I couldn't calm down my breath. "Hey...concentrate on something good...remember when we jumped in the river?" He asked with a worried voice and I had no idea what he wanted with that but nodded. "Close your eyes, babe. Think about something you love." He told me and I did what he said but I only saw Magnus. I saw me and Magnus sitting on a blanket in a park and we were kissing. This made me feel even more pain and I felt a sharp pain in my heart. "Alec...it will be okay." Riley said softly but why did it hurt so much? My breath was still so fast and the tears wouldn't stop to fall while Riley whipped them away with his thumbs. "It hurts...please make it stop...I can't...I can't...breath." I sobbed and saw the helpless look on Rileys face. I looked at him and suddenly everything stopped around me. I didn't feel any pain or any heartbreak anymore. My breath went back to normal and a small smile crossed my face before everything went black... 

//tbc What the hell did just happen? First Impressionen in the comments⬇⬇⬇❤❤❤❤