How Did I End Up With Them? (OHSHC)

I Discovered Something New

I was gasping with my hand limply outstretched to nothing while punches and kicks were being heard from behind my desperate figure. I was shaking with every strained breath and only ripped my view away from the open water when hands had grasped my shoulders. "What?" I snapped and desperate glare at the blonde senior, one that had no real bite behind it. Hunny had been staring at me with worried eyes, ignoring the scene behind us.

"Chi-chan, we have to go back down. Haru-chan will be fine. Come on," he said softly, soothingly.

While I knew I had to get up, my legs wouldn't obey. The world still sounded fuzzy and the grunts of pain behind us were fading in and out of hearing. I was positive my hands were shaking; if I got up now, my legs would collapse beneath me. I let out a soft sigh and let my head drop as he turned and walked away. His priorities were straight. The only important thing was Haruhi. I had to get up and see her, I had to. But I just couldn't do it. I felt useless all over again. I would already know how Haru was if I dove in after her, yet here I was: a useless lump taking up space on the cliff while the boys took it into their hands and corrected the situation. Why couldn't I be like them?

Bare feet came into my view, sand stuck between the toes, grains leaving a trail behind them. Hunny had already walked away, so which one of them was it?

My eyes traveled up, landing on Kaoru's concerned face. His face was flushed, whether from anger or discomfort I didn't know, but I knew he had come to check on me.

"What?" The word were softer, more vulnerable. That's the effect he had on me. I was a coward with him as well – I was afraid to dive and hope for the best with him too. "What is it?" I sighed and let my eyesight fall back down to the ground. His amber eyes made me feel too exposed; that was the last thing I wanted right now.

The silence between us was thick. It was tangible. It was deafening. I was grateful my senses were dull, the disruption between us would be too much for me.

"Are you going to just sit there?" he mumbled. "Haruhi's out of the water. The guys are tied up. Why are you still here?"

The words had an underlying message: why am I still acting like a fool? I couldn't give him the answer he was searching for because I barely understood it either. All I knew was that I was a coward, and cowards stayed hidden, left to wallow in their uselessness.

A warm touch shocked me, but in my current state it was more like a weak throbbing. He hauled me up from my decrepit state on the ground and pushed me against him. His hand was stuck in my hair, his chin pressed onto the top of my head, his other arm wrapped around me – I felt like a child being brought home. If it weren't for the fact Haruhi I wanted to see how Haruhi was, I was sure I'd start sobbing. It was nostalgic, it was like piecing together the last bits of the puzzle – to finally be where I belonged. It felt wrong to indulge in it, though. I was leadfooted, heavy in mind and soul from all my worries and frustrations, yet I could feel them steadily streaming out of me.

When he unraveled himself from my figure the chill was too cold and I felt my body move before my mind could reject it. I embraced him again, vaguely aware we were still in beachwear, and mumbled against his chest. It was awkward and odd, but it felt right.

His hand ruffled my hair at the crown before tugging me away. Kaoru's smile was weary. It was a sign we were similarly struggling with wars in our minds, the aftermath taking its toll on us. Nonetheless, there was a peace that settled. A white flag being raised in a way to say all would soon right itself.

With one final tug, he led me to the rocky steps. He avoided walking too closely to the spot where the thugs handled me; it was then I noticed the redness of his hands and how there were specks of blood across them. My heart ached. I weakly turned my head away from it. We made our way down the winding makeshift staircase to see Tamaki trudging out of the ocean with Haruhi in his arms. His blond hair was stuck to his face, drops falling off him, masking his expression. I wanted to run to Haruhi, throw myself at her feet and apologize for being incompetent. My body was still heavy. Its responsiveness was failing and my thoughts were flowing slowly, its speed idle as the danger had passed, no longer pushing against my brain as I hyperventilated. I settled for standing slightly behind Kaoru and Mori as Hikaru called out to Tamaki as he neared us.