It's painful knowing whatever relationship you're in or mistake you made could've been avoided, if you just listened to your friend's advice.
You've healed with the help of bittersweet time and patience, you've learned your lesson and you're aware of any situation that flags a bad signal.
But then you see your friend heading towards the same direction you did; you catch all the signs as its happening. You're watching them walk towards a minefield and you tell them it's not worth it – to trust you because you've been there before.
They slip under your hands and tell you they're spiralling and there's nothing you can do about it.
That sets something off.
Inside of you, a voice is screaming, NO. Someone you love is about to get hurt and you beg them to run the other way. You see the familiar, toxic thoughts and words build pressure in their heads and you can feel them wanting to pound their head against the wall.
Even though she tells you, "It's fine", it doesn't take an idiot to recognize "it's fine" is "it's not fine at all."
You're furious – agitated that she won't let you help her. She won't listen.
There's a glass wall between you two and you're pointing towards the exit door, and she chooses to give you a smile and wave and ignore the painless path as she steps through the road made of pins.
She starts to make the same mistakes;
Mistakes you've made before and you'd never want anyone you care about to feel the same way you've felt.
Second-hand stress is a real concept.
Little do friends know that when they get hurt, you get hurt too.
You'd never admit it but their problems are heavy on your shoulders; they tell you these chains weren't meant for you but your love is tied to their pain.
They feel their chest crushing under the weight of "I'm scared, I don't know what to do", and you find your lungs beginning to collapse.
They're terrified and irritated that this sickening demon inside of them won't leave, and the guilt starts to eat you alive because you think you could've prevented the demon from coming in.
Her life matters as much as yours.
T E L L H E R H O W Y O U F E E L.
Tell her how each time she tears herself apart, a part of you dies inside. Tell her when she's being treated less, you want to rip your hair out. Tell her how hearing her cry in the other room makes you want to cut through the walls, which you're scared may be mistaken for your wrists. Tell her how you'd rather burn this house down then let her leave and end up in his hands.
Tell her you love her.
That you don't want to see her get hurt.
And then let her go.
A Real friend doesn't pin her down.
A Real friend tells her how they feel.
A Real friend knows it's not their choice whether she stays or goes.
A Real friend knows what she needs, and sometimes it's to let her spiral and fall.
A Real friend knows their place, and their role is to be there after she hits the ground.
The Real battle is between her and herself.
To truly learn is to experience it, rather than have a friend tell you what it's like.
You learn from the burn marks on your hands, not from someone telling you it's hot – curiosity always wins; we can't help but be drawn to the unknown that hides endless possibilities like happier endings.
And tragic ones too.
A Real friend trusts her and can only hope for the best and be the crutch once something breaks.
YOU ARE READING
Sad Girl Clapback *Now Available in Amazon*
Non-Fiction*PUBLISHED as 'Tired of Being Tired, Sick of Being Sad' by Azia To *now on amazon* This is the book I wish I had when I was 12, 13, 14 and growing up until I was 20. It's the stuff I wish I told my high school self. *** This is how I feel - these a...
