Hi.
I grew up thinking I wasn't pretty.
I grew up thinking all I had were good marks and an overly energetic personality.
I thought that if I wore these tight-fitted clothes and makeup– it made me more attractive. It made me stand out – and I love standing out; I love being different. Why be everyone else if you can be you? I love attention because I never got it – attention makes me feel good, attention means you respect me, attention means you notice me. And I was never the girl who was noticed.
Sometimes I still hang out with a certain group of girls and they remind me of high school; how it feels to be unnoticed and forgotten. To have everyone taller, prettier and more noticeable than you.
That if I disappeared – no one would know.
But not being with them...I feel like people notice me. And now that I'm older...I'm starting to recognize I am being noticed. I don't know if it's the clothes, but people are calling me pretty now, people are telling me they take notice. In fact, not only do they notice me – they notice me as... someone else.
They see me as this popular, intimidating pretty girl. They see me as a smart rich girl – they see me as a girl they want to fuck and tell. And I don't know if I like this anymore.
I just want to be a girl who is fun to hang with, who you can talk to about anything, who dresses cool and has her own distinct style and pulls it off,
who walks in the room and you look twice and are curious to see what kind of girl this is because you can't tell based off the way she dresses or the face she wears.
The girl who isn't labelled, who doesn't fit in just one box, and is someone you want to get to know.
The girl who you know is strong both physically and emotionally and hustles every day.
The one you know gets shit done and is resilient – someone you've seen get beaten down so many times and you watch her get back up each time wondering how she does it—how does she stay strong?
Someone who isn't afraid to admit she breaks down, who barely makes it out alive yet lives to tell the story that it takes months and years to practice this inner strength.
The girl who encourages you to try new things that are now your favourite things to do – the one who if you're looking for adventure and a good time and a laugh along with sarcastic remarks and jokes, you'll go to her.
The one who hangs out with the boys and then later with the girls, and sometimes – a mix of both. The one that everyone just knows – the one you'll never forget.
- the girl you will be
...
Rewrite:
- The girl you are now
YOU ARE READING
Sad Girl Clapback *Now Available in Amazon*
Non-Fiction*PUBLISHED as 'Tired of Being Tired, Sick of Being Sad' by Azia To *now on amazon* This is the book I wish I had when I was 12, 13, 14 and growing up until I was 20. It's the stuff I wish I told my high school self. *** This is how I feel - these a...
