Bundeslihaha: Where Fussball Meets Fun

Short Shorts

Karlsruhe's Newfound Talent

Drawing had always been a last resort, something to do when he was really, really bored, but now that he could produce (for his unartistic eye) masterpieces ten times faster than the old Karlsruher SC could draw a stick figure, he felt... torn.

He hated drawing his opponents; he wanted to fucking win and he wanted promotion so bad, but a part of him, that little devil in everyone's heart, told him that he was good, he was great, and he should keep drawing in every sense of the word.

"Karlsruhe!" shouted the coach, and the Baden club jolted, dropping his sketchbook and pencil. "Y-yes?!" he half-cried, gathering his silly guilty pleasure inside his backpack before running, sprinting as fast as his feet allowed to the training field, "what's it?!"

"Stop drawing," Markus said sternly, "someone wants to see you."

Karlsruhe raised an eyebrow. "Hertha?"

His head coach chuckled. "No," he said, "AS Roma."

The personification frowned. What the hell was a Europa League contender wanted from a German second division club?

As if reading his mind, Kauczinki replied, causing Karlsruhe's jaw - and his backpack - to drop. "He said something about drawing lessons..."

"Drawing?" Karlsruhe repeated. "Is that supposed to be an insult or what?" He didn't wait for Kaucze's answer, though, he just strode to the training ground's entrance... to see a tall man with golden-brown hair, red eyes and handsomely sun-kissed skin.

"You must be Karlsruher SC!" the uninvited guest exclaimed in a heavily-accented English, "I've been looking forward to meeting you..."

Karlsruhe drew so much in the 2013/14 or 2014/15 season. This is why he was so talented at drawing (the artistic kind)... although his position would soon be taken by Arminia Bielefeld!

*** 

Never Again Neverkusen

Bayer Leverkusen felt sweat running down his skin, inch by agonizing inch as he felt his body's heat leaving him.

Finishing second in the Bundesliga shouldn't have left him so... barren, but then the words Neverkusen and almost robbed all the light in his eyes.

To add insult to injury, the smell of money permeated the air, drawing blood from his nose and throat and he coughed, spat, and even tried to swallow the coppery liquid... but nothing worked. His body had already set itself on autopilot, seating him with a pen in hand.

And he could only look in horror as his hand signed parts of his soul away, away to the south, away to Bayern.

The Treble Horror of 2002 isn't something Leverkuseners would forget. Speaking of players leaving, I'm really sad now that Frankfurt players are ditching the club after winning the DFB Cup... I hope Frankfurt stays afloat and wins more shit so they can give a proverbial middle finger to those damn money-hungry players. But then again, I'd prefer it if my own club wins ;D

***

Maybe you shouldn't have waited so long.
(Prompt from writeworld on Tumblr.)

"Maybe you shouldn't have waited so long," Bayern's icy blue eyes seemed to say as Bochum watched her lean on Werder Bremen's broad shoulder, "maybe you should've told me you love me when you had the chance."

Ah, Bayern/Bochum, the cursed pairing. If you're an FCB/VfL fan, do you still think this fan friendship is valid?

  ***  

I'm sorry, Leipzig.

RB Leipzig fell to his knees as Ingolstadt left, his birthday gift, the beautiful cake Leipzig had learned to prepare months before, laid forgotten and crumbling on the floor.

"Inge," Leipzig whined, using Ingolstadt's most hated nickname to just get him to respond, "Inge, come back!"

But Ingolstadt had rejoined the big boys - maybe it's for the best, Leipzig thought, looking away from the compulsory bullying of his fellow young club - he could hear Braunschweig, Darmstadt, Karlsruhe, Kaiserslautern jeering but I can't stop them, not now not ever -

and maybe I should leave him alone.

Ingolstadt having a crush on RB Leipzig? In my Bundeslihaha? It's more likely than you think!

I really think Ingolstadt would be impressed with Leipzig, hands down. In his young, traditionless eyes, RBL is like, a fairytale!

(6.7.18)