The Truth About Yuuri Katsuki

Siebzehn

"Otabek, you're an angel," Yuri repeated. It was only about the one hundredth time that he'd said it. 

"You keep saying that but it isn't going to change my self image, Yuri," Otabek replied. 

"But, Otabek, you're an angel," he said it again.

"Please stop," Otabek pleaded.

"But, Otabek..." Otabek placed a hand over Yuri's mouth to shut him up. He couldn't take this much longer. He most certainly wasn't an angel and nothing Yuri ever said was going to change that fact. He was the scum of the earth. He knew it. Other people knew it. His parents knew it and had carved the words into his mind. There was nothing that could be done about it. Anything Yuri said would simply carve the image deeper since his mind was absolutely certain that anything positive said about him was a lie.

"I get it, but please, stop," the male sighed. Ever since he had entered the two paintings into the contest, Yuri had been telling him that he was the real angel about every ten seconds. Otabek didn't know what to do. How was he going to get Yuri to stop? He wasn't an angel. He wasn't even close. Yuri was the angel. That's how it all worked. When would Yuri understand the truth? Otabek didn't know but he desperately hoped that it would be soon.

"Bu, Otabech," Yuri spoke even with Otabek's hand over his mouth. Otabek shook his head and walked away. There was nothing he could do to convince Yuri. It was a good thing that school was over, or he might actually go insane hearing that 'he was an angel' over and over again. How long would this last?

Yuri sighed too. What could he possibly do to convince Otabek that he wasn't a terrible person? How could he explain to Otabek how much he meant to Yuri? Yuri didn't know where to begin. How does one say this kind of stuff? There has to be a trick to it or something of the sort.

"Yuuri," Yuri began, "how did you tell Victor what you thought of him?" he asked. Yuuri blushed and avoided eye contact for as long as possible. First of all, he hadn't told Victor what he thought of him. He never even came close to saying anything that sappy to Victor. The two were in a relationship, sure, but not much had changed between them except the title. Yuuri was still a mess whenever Victor was involved. Victor was still a mess whenever Yuuri was involved. It was all just a giant cluster of messy.

"Yurio," Yuuri finally brought his eyes back to Yuri and tried to get more information on why he was asking him this question, "how do you really feel about Otabek?" 

"He is my most precious friend," Yuri answered. Yuuri cringed. Yeah, there was no saving him from that answer, was there? Everyone besides Yuri himself knew of Otabek's feelings. If only Yuri felt the same way, (which many assumed that he did, except Yuri).

"Yurio, he is your only friend," Yuuri sighed. He tried to think of a way that would help Yuri with his problem but he could only think of ways that helped himself. Maybe they would do the same for Yuri but Yuuri doubted that. "When I try to get feelings out, I write poetry, but I don't think that is going to help you as much as it does me. Poetry is the last thing you'd want to do," Yuuri sighed. Yuri sighed too. He had a valid point.

"What should I do?" Yuri couldn't help but to look at the sky at times like this. Maybe something from up above would help him with this conundrum. Looking at the sky rarely helped, but he always did it anyway. 

"The only one who knows how you're truly feeling is yourself," Yuuri explained. "I'm sure the right words will come to you eventually. Maybe you just haven't experienced the right time yet."

"I hope the right time comes soon," Yuri sighed. He couldn't stand the awkwardness he'd been feeling around Otabek recently. He just wanted everything to return to normal. What if he was the one that was changing? And not Otabek? Then what was he supposed to do? How could he un-change? Yuri didn't want anything to change. That was his problem. He hated the feeling that change brought. He hated it when things ended up different. When things became different, Yuri almost always got the short end of the stick. That's exactly what was happening now. His grandpa had just become different, and now he was in the hospital dying.

Yuri's phone vibrated in his pocket. He quickly took it out and answered it, hoping that it was Otabek calling. It wasn't. Why did he expect that it was? Yuri dropped to his knees. He couldn't hear or see anything around him. He could only hear the words from the people on the other side of the phone. They were telling him the unspeakable. They were telling him his grandpa wouldn't last much longer and that he might even die tonight. That's not what he needed to hear. That was the last thing he needed to hear.

There was a click and the phone went dead. He could vaguely sense the people around him asking him what was wrong. All that was going through his mind was the thought of him being all alone in the world again. He didn't need this to happen for the second time. He didn't need to have another grave to visit. 

What if Otabek left too? What then? Was he doomed to live a life alone? He might as well just die right here and now. He didn't want to be left behind. When would he be free? Free from this eternal suffering? The questions and concerns of the people around him fell on deaf ears. He just wanted to disappear into nothingness. He wanted Otabek to pat his head and tell him that everything would end up fine. He didn't care that it was a lie. He just wanted it to be the truth. 

He wanted comfort. Comfort from someone. It didn't matter who it was at this point. He just wanted something. 

"I need a ride to the hospital," Yuri spoke. His voice was barely audible. "I need a ride now."