When I approach the beach, I almost immediantly spot Luke - simply for the reason he's the only one there. He's sat facing the sea, with his knees hugged to his chest. I wearily approach him because I had no idea what was wrong with him right now. Also, I was worried about my parents coming home to find I wasn't there - knowing how much trouble I was going to be in.
My sneakers brush against the sand as I make my way over to Luke and sit down beside him, with Luke still not moving an inch. I take a moment before looking to him, his eyes were red and puffy like he had been crying; his hair was flattened and pointing in different directions and his lip was beginning to bleed from how he was biting on it so hard.
"I'm a bad person," Luke finally says, still not moving a bone in his body. I didn't want to rush him to tell me what was wrong, but I did just want him to let me in.
"No," I whisper, "You're not, Luke,"
Luke just dryly laughs, pulling his knees closer to his chest, "You really don't know the half of it, Frances,"
I really didn't and that was the problem. I had no idea how I was meant to go about this and Luke was definitely not going to make it easy.
"Luke, what happened?" I ask him softly, not wanting to sound like I was pushing him.
Luke swallows before taking a deep breath, still keeping a still frame, "Tell me, Frances," Luke lets a dark chuckle slip from his lips before turning serious again, "Have you ever thought about what happens to us when we die?"
I'm taken back by his words, but decide to reply simply before I know where he's going with this, "A little,"
"You believe in God and stuff, right?" Luke plainly and expressionless speaks, turning for the first time to face me.
"Yeah,"
"Why does he punish people?" Luke asks, "Why does he think it's okay to make people suffer?"
I don't reply at first, I mean, how do you even respond to such a question? Luke was clearly angry from the way he was chewing so harshly on his lip and fidgiting with his fingers, I just had no idea why. Perhaps I did, I just did not want it to be the case.
"I think everything happens for a reason," I shrug, not wanting to have said the wrong thing so I turn away from Luke before slowly gazing up at his angry expression. His nostrils were flared and his eyes were in pain, I was honestly scared.
"Of course," Luke nods, a sarcastic laugh once again spat out.
"God would never purposely punish someone," I try to reason, although I can tell it's only making him worse, "Luke, you have to understand that God only wants to help us and-"
"God only wants to help us?" Luke jumps to his feet and kicks the sand in anger, "Bullshit!" He yells.
I stay sat, not wanting to move because Luke was clearly not wanting comfort at this moment. It was then that Luke began to cry, properly cry with real tears and real anger in his face. Luke doesn't seem to care that he crying right now and I was watching him, confused by what had happened. He needed a moment to calm down and I gave him that.
Luke had sat back down a few momentes later, slightly more calm but still some tears leaking from his eyes which he kept wiping away. Luke looked to me, with sadness in his eyes as if he was scared of his own shadow right now. I had never seen someone so vulnerable and I knew before he told me, what had happened. I just wish it hadn't.
"My dad died a couple of hours ago," Luke wept, looking like it took all that was in him to allow the confession to come out of his mouth.
I had no idea how to respond so I just wrapped my arms around Luke and hugged him, since he didn't need me talking at him because I'm sure my words wouldn't mean a thing. Luke opening accepted my hug and cried onto my shoulder, it was heartbreaking to watch such a tough guy cry but if I broke down too, what hope did we have?
Luke slowly pulled away, wiping his eyes with his sleep and sniffling. The only noise was the waves crashing against the sand.
"I should have gone," Luke whimpered, "I should have gone last Friday but I just- I just couldn't face it,"
Luke began to cry again, I just slowly rub his arm with sympathy as that was all I could think to do.
"I didn't get to say goodbye," Luke's lip trembled as more tears rolled down his wet cheeks, "And do you know what the worst part is?"
By this point, I was trying not to cry at the site of Luke crying so I just shake my head no, knowing that if I spoke that would be it.
"It's all my fault!" Luke rages, gripping his hair as if he was trying to pull it out as he cried harder.
"No!" I state to him, "Don't say that Luke, this is definitely not your fault,"
"But it is!" Luke yells back, "I'm the reason he got into that stupid car accident and ended up in a fucking coma. You know what the last words I ever said to him were?"
I began to cry also, finding myself weeping at all these emotions and events happening so quickly. I couldn't bare watching Luke like this and I couldn't bare the fact that he thought this was his fault.
"I told him I hate him," Luke screams and it frightened me watching a vein in his neck pop out and his jaw clench, "He thinks I hate him and now there's no way to tell him because he's dead, Frances! He's fucking dead!"
Luke breaks down, crumbling like a pastry into my arms as I sob a little too. I couldn't imagine what Luke was going through right now and I didn't want to. I just wanted him to be okay, but I guess we don't get what we want.
I run my fingers through Luke's hair, allowing him to calm down. I didn't know the full story, but Luke would tell me in his own time. Asking him for the story would not be the best move, he needed space right now. I just wish that I knew about his dad earlier and convinced him to go back home, but like I had said to Luke, this was no ones fault.
Luke pulls away and stares at me, "Fran?" Luke sniffs, his breathing uneven.
"Y-yeah?" I whisper.
"Do you think that tomorrow we can go to church or something?" Luke mumbles, "I know I'm not really into all that stuff, but I'd really like to just have some time to you know..."
I didn't know, of course I didn't know. I hadn't ever lost someone close to me before, let alone a parent, so I could not even imagine what Luke was going through.
"Of course," I nod, sniffling myself as I try to take a deep breath and calm down for both of our sakes. Luke just smiles at me, before wrapping his arms around me instead of me comforting him.
"You don't need to worry about me," Luke mumbles into my hair, "I'll be just fine,"
"You don't need to be," I whisper, looking up to Luke's face, his face looking drained and tired, "You're allowed to not be fine,"
"Thank you," Luke mumbles, kissing my forehead lightly.
Sleeping on an abandoned beach at three in the morning wasn't something I had ever planned on doing, but for Luke Hemmings, plans never needed to be made.
-
omg idk where this even came from and i hadn't even planned on writing it like this but i just started writing and it just seemed to work
i was crying writing this i feel so bad omfg luke bby:((
ps check out my new luke story its called one night stand lol ok bye
Twenty One
Start from the beginning
