The Boy With Two Worlds - [Ereri/Riren]

Chapter Twenty-One - New Confessions

As Sunday rolled past, I could confirm that I was feeling much more on edge than I had felt the previous day. Yes, my mother's words did help me sleep soundly that night, though the more I kept thinking about what should happen the next day and the situation I had to confront, the more endless outcomes and possibilities were fed into my jumbled head. No matter what I tried to focus on or what I attempted to achieve productively that day, countless thoughts ate at my mind, Levi of course being the main star of these disruptions.

What do I even say? How do I possibly approach him after what happened? Does he even like me in that way?

What if none of it was real and it was all just a joke? Or even a dare?

I bit my lip as I sat up in my bed, my fingers fidgeting with each other anxiously and my right foot tapping rapidly against my bedroom floor, creating a constant thump beneath it. One thing I never liked to face ever since I realized just how cruel this world could be, are my serious trust issues. I've been hurt so many times and betrayed by people I once cared about that over time a thin wall seemed to form its way around my heart. It's not that I didn't want to meet new people and care deeply for them, sharing everything about my life and feelings, but I'd rather not let somebody into my heart again only for them to snatch another piece of it before taking off.

But Levi wouldn't do that, right?

No, he wouldn't... The expression I saw on his face when he kissed me, absolutely out of nowhere and so unexpectedly, it was something I had never seen on his usually emotionless face. He looked so anxious, embarrassed, vulnerable even, as if he had never done anything like that in his entire life until that moment. Something like that can't be faked, the way he called my name when I so idiotically left. He didn't laugh or tease me when I stared back at him with shock written so clearly on my expression with my heart pounding beneath by rib cage, he seemed so genuine in that very situation. But how do I handle it without making everything worse between us?

In the many rounds of process of elimination that went on in my head during the day from the moment I woke up, I've come to a conclusion that I was going to talk to Levi about it. I wanted to see if there was a way something like that possibly could work between us, with the quite visibly emotionless raven. He certainly has the looks going for him, but besides that he really just makes me happy and feel genuinely free, helping  me explore new places and escape my comfort zone to form a new one. He intrigues me --not to mention the constant signs around me and the beating of my heart when I'm around him that I had chosen to ignore at the time until now. He has such a hard shell surrounding him on the outside, certainly more than I do, but I can tell deep down, even when looking into his stormy eyes, that he's capable of caring --he's already shown many signs of it. Maybe he just doesn't know how to handle those feelings, just like me. But then of course, it leaves me to do the talking. I doubt Levi would want to start figuring this all out on his own --he can barely express himself as it is-- but with my completely clear sheet of all romantic experience that hadn't even been tampered with once, I doubt I would do even a slightly better job at it. How do I even start? 'Hey, Levi, you know that kiss? Turns out I didn't actually hate it, I actually kind of liked it, and I actually kind of like you too.'

Yeah, that would certainly sound as stupid spoken verbally as it did --luckily-- in my head.

Okay, maybe I just shouldn't think. That's how it goes in the movies, right? I don't have to come up with a plan, I can just walk up to him and spit it all out. Tell him how I feel and hope he doesn't just shoot laughter back at me.

That won't hurt, right?

Then maybe we can continue things from there, see if it could work out in any way while attempting to slowly pick at the walls around his heart. I do want to know more about him, his life and his hard-to-read thoughts, that's for sure --but I won't tamper in a place where I don't belong quite yet.