Paper Balls | Yoonmin

wonder pt.2

"you look m-mad."

"i'm not mad."

"you're lying."

"i'm not lying."

"d-did i make you m-mad?"

"no."

"then why-"

"jimin. please be quiet." i put my hand of his mouth, silencing him. it was almost four in the morning now.

"sorry."

"i'm not mad, jimin." i softened my voice, hearing the tone his had changed to, "just more sad than anything."

he stayed silent.

"i love you, jimin. you know that. i know we've only been together for around five months but i'm allowed to say it because i know it's true. i didn't answer when you said you were probably annoying me because i didn't know how to answer. you're not annoying. maybe if you repeatedly take the blankets from me in the middle of the night but that's different. i don't find your stutter annoying either. it's cute and it's what sets you apart from other people. i already gave you this rant an hour or so ago but i can do it again if it means i get my point across to you."

jimin didn't answer but i could still tell he was awake.

"try to sleep now, jimin-ah."

he nodded and closed his eyes. i could see there was still something bothering him.

i let out a sigh and he opened his eyes again.

"just say it. i don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about anything and everything, because you can. always. i promise i won't say anything until the end."

he closed his eyes momentarily the opened them again.

"w-hen i was younger, m-my dad liked t-to tell me i was p-pathetic. worthless. prob-blematic. that i'll go nowhere in life if i cont-tinue t-to be antis-social and quiet. that's w-why i always s-study so hard. i used to b-be bullied s-so much because i was af-fraid of people. i d-didn't know i h-had sociophobia. so w-when you b-b-began talking to me, i got r-really confused. people never just t-talk to me nicely. t-they usually ask i-if i'm mute o-or gay or something like that. but, like i've told y-you before, you were d-different. i felt d-different. i d-don't know... safe? you s-seemed to make me forget all a-about what my d-dad used to tell me. the way you acted-d, like you c-cared for me. he t-told me nobody could e-ever love someone like me-" a single tear escaped from his eye, "but you said you d-did."

he rolled over onto his side.

"i g-guess i'm trying to say t-thank you. you didn't yell at me or hit me like m-my mom when you saw m-my cuts. you m-make me realize that-t what my dad said-d isn't t-true." he burried his face in my chest, gripping onto me tightly.

"i never thought i could love a person. after everything you've said to me tonight, yoongi, i- i used to wonder w-why you l-liked me in the f-first place. but you m-made it pretty e-evident tonight." he gave a weak laugh, "i'm sorry. t-the whole reason i s-started this in the f-first place was-was because i'm afraid of losing you. you l-like me for who i a-am-"

his voice broke and i looked down to see tear stains on my shirt. i didn't know he was really crying that much.

so he's really afraid of losing me? i let out a long breath and reached up to stroke his hair.

"you won't lose me." i said softly.

how? how is it possible i ended up with him? i never thought to imagine what it would be like if he never moved schools. or if he did but i was a cold hearted bitch like everyone else.

i admire him. i really do. i know many confuse this feeling with being a love-struck teenager but i think i know the difference. this feeling is... new. it's not like the one i got when i finally knew i loved him, and for real. i don't know how to describe the feeling.

he's just... perfect. not just physically or mentally, but in other ways. a sort of "i want to spend every waking moment until i die" feeling.

gay marriage isn't legal in south korea. but who's to stop it. it's just a stupid piece of paper. only, it's too early to confess that kind of feeling to him, i think. but, why don't i pose the question now?

"what if we got married some day in the future? i know it's not legal but who cares."

"you n-never know, maybe it will be by that time. and i w-wouldn't oppose to th-hat." i felt him smile against my chest.

i slid my hands down his side's and grabbed his waist, causing him to yelp.

"yoongi!" he giggled and tried to squirm out of my grasp.

"it's five in the morning. who needs sleep?" i laughed.

"you and i." he put his hand over my eyes, laughing and flopping back down on the bed next to me.

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A/N: I told myself that I would re-edit this but all I am doing is being lazy as f