Restart My Heart

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ Fᴏᴜʀ

Niall felt guilty.

                He sat cross-legged on the leather couch, listening to the scrapes of a dustpan against the hardwood floor. Liam was busy at work, cleaning up the mess of disarray glass.

                ‘My mess…’

                His facial expression twitched as he looked down at the cheeseburger he was holding. The pang of hunger was too strong to ignore, and any stomach growl would disturb the silence the two of them cherished. Taking a small bite from it, Niall’s mind was otherwise occupied. He stared absently at his friend, who was on his hands and knees, picking of the shards of scattered glass. As he chewed, shame took over him more by the moment.

                He felt like a child in the situation. With tear-stained cheeks and sitting silently on the couch, he was sure Liam would agree. He was stuck cleaning up the outcome of Niall’s rush of anger, why wouldn’t he feel the exact same? Liam had always been the one to look over Niall…

                ‘But this is just too far.’

                He felt as if Liam was his parent, and he was a young, innocent child who is helpless against everything.

                ‘I’m twenty-eight years old, for goodness sakes!”

                Remorse took over his mind, and he couldn’t help but let it put him into a sour mood. Sitting there, munching on some greasy fast food made him realize something: Nothing changed.

                Sending the mirror into thousands of tiny pieces didn’t undo what happened ten years ago. Destroying the photo frame didn’t erase the memories. Flipping over the coffee table didn’t drill into his mind that he wants to entirely forget her. His actions earlier left the feeling he hadn’t hoped for. He thought he was going to feel a weight lift off his shoulders by relieving stress the way he had done. Maybe not something as dramatic as that, but he thought that anger would distract himself from his other feelings.

                The outcome of his spur-of-the-moment decision was only more pounds being added on. He rubbed his scratches that were left with a soothing numb feeling from the painkillers.  He still cringed whenever he saw the puffy, redness around the deep crimson cuts. Later, he knew they would ache, sting, burn, and itch like crazy, making evidence of what he done hard to slip his memory.

                Niall heaved a sigh and slumped back on the couch. He took another large bite and shut his blue-grey orbs, munching silently again. The quick disruption of the quietness caused Liam’s eyes to cautiously wander up at his friend. Liam didn’t think much of it, and then went back to work, mouthing words to himself.

---

                The annoying sound of birds chirping endlessly snapped Niall out of his sleep. He waited until his vision adjusted to the sun’s brightness before getting up to start the new day. He didn’t recall climbing into his bed for a good night’s sleep. Was he just too tired to remember? Did Liam have to do something with it? Niall wished desperately he hadn’t. Across the hall, he could see Liam sound asleep in the guest bedroom, snoring lightly and scrunched up in the covers.

                “I’ll have to ask him later.”

                Niall sauntered out of his bedroom once he was fully dressed. He shuffled his sockless feet across the carpet, loving the noise it made. A tune made its way out of his mouth, but Niall couldn’t recognize the song. He still hummed it anyway, letting the unfamiliar melody fill his ears as he wandered around.