Rose of Silk

Chapter 19

I.... kissed a girl, and I like it. She.... her lips were so soft I didn't want to pull away. I knew that if we took it further she'd regret it and not want to do anything, or be bothered with me. Sure it's been a whole month and I've grown to trust her in a way that it's comfortable for us to interact with each other, but this was wrong. Did this make me gay?.... was I now becoming a lesbian? I couldn't be right? Her lips were still pressed hard against mine as her hands pressed tightly against my hip that made me feel a certain way. What was going on! I thought as my eyes widen widely as they slowly closed again. I gasp as she wrapped her arm around my body that sent chills down my spine down between my legs.

Oh God!

She backed me up against the wall having me cornered as she pulled away placing her hands above me as I looked up. Lord Jesus! I thought as I swallowed and couldn't find the right words to say. This was something definitely worth crossing off my bucket list. She moved closer and lifted up my chin as I still couldn't talk. She felt me up as she cupped my breast as I watched her motions. My hand gripped onto hers as I pushed it away.

"What's wrong?" she says as she stares at me.

I didn't say anything for a while as I gazed into her eyes. I wanted her to kiss me again, but I didn't want to make the same mistake with her like I did with Maxwell. When Maxwell would be too busy I'd paint and distract myself from the feelings I'd experience, but Marisol makes it so hard. I've over stayed my welcome in her guest room, her and Charlotte have called it quits and that's all because of me. Maxwell is in lock up for god knows how long, and.... I don't know what to do. What does this mean exactly? Apart of me still doesn't know what I like. I haven't necessarily lived yet. I haven't been able to come to terms with why Maxwell did what he did, and I don't know what I like, or don't like. I mean I know I love to paint, and I know I want one of my pieces to be featured in an art gallery; but with myself. I'm not sure if I want to be just contempt with all of this.

All I know is that, I loved being kissed by her.

"What about Charlotte?" I said to her as she backs away giving me space.

She touched her forehead and sighed deeply as she sat at the edge of the bed.

"What about her Harlee?" she says sighing deeply.

"Isn't she your fiancé?" I say walking towards her.

"Yeah... she is" she grunts this time and falls back placing her hands on top of her face.

I look at her and waited for her to talk, but she just laid there. Saying nothing.... I didn't have a good feeling as I grabbed my bags and walked out the room. She chased after me as my hand grip the doorknob she gripped onto my wrist.

"Wait, Harlee!" she says as I take in a breath.

My back was turned to her as she let go of me. She moved in closer and kissed my neck as I fluttered my eyes repeatedly feeling so warm and the chills turned into goosebumps as she ran her hands up my arms. I turned around and faced her with my head down.

"Don't.... Marisol." I said sounding sad.

She lifted up my head as our eyes met. I wanted her to kiss me again, but I didn't want to sound desperate. I had a lot to think about with everything going on I didn't know what to do. She stared at me until I let go and went out the room as she followed behind. I closed my eyes tightly for images of Maxwell and Marisol replayed in my head like a broken record player. When I made it to the door she called out to me so loud it echoed the whole house. My hand was on the doorknob as I took in a breath.

"Harlee...." she says.

I didn't want to turn around and face her for she'd see the tears on my face and pain in my eyes. Is this what it's like when you like someone? I thought to myself as I hesitated to turn the doorknob. My heart was beating ten times as fast for I couldn't move a muscle even if I wanted too.