Nameless ≫ Jarchie

Thank You

So I'm putting this in a separate authors note because attaching it to the end of a chapter would be really long.

So it's been about a year since I started writing Jarchie fanfiction on Wattpad again. Actually, it was back in March so I'm about two months late but I'm just reflecting a bit.

I just want to thank all of you, even if a lot of you guys haven't read my previous fics and are just joining this one now. I don't think you'll ever understand how much you've done for me, and how much you mean to me. You've all helped me so much, even by doing and saying the littlest things. It's crazy. I honestly do not think I would be the person I am right now without all of you, even if you don't vote or comment I just really need to say this because I don't know how else to get my point across.

Last year I was in a really bad place. I was so down all the time and I completely lost who I was as a person. I mention it sometimes but I used to write jelsa fanfiction way back in the day. Once I stopped, I kept wattpad from time to time, never really using the app but a part of me couldn't delete it.

Last year though, I completely gave up writing. I gave up music. I gave up my art. My sketchbooks got shoved into my closet, my singing was silenced, my creativity was gone, I had no motivation to do anything anymore. I didn't eat much. If I did it was to keep up appearances.

I hung around "friends" who only wanted to hit me up at 1 am to talk about how fucked up and depressed we were, wallowing in our problems and making each other worse.

I hated myself. I couldn't stand looking at myself in the mirror, I hated my personality, I hated really everything. I said stuff like "I'm gonna kms" and acted like I was joking but deep down I knew I was getting really bad and how I was feeling was becoming something serious.

It was to the point where all I would do was sleep because it was the closest thing I had to darkness and not having to be awake. Eventually, my lack of passion caught up to my school work and I was forced to stay up sometimes 48+ hours to get all my work done. The only thing I would drink/eat was coffee.

I guess what I'm trying to get out here is that if I didn't force myself to start writing again, I don't think I would be fine. It was hard at first. It was really hard to find myself again, because that's what writing is. It was so hard to find something positive to do, to dig up the key to the room I locked my soul in. Eventually I started pulling my sketchbook back out, dusting off my Copics and my Prismas, decking my room with my art. Eventually my writing got better, words flowing more easily as I forced myself to get better as well. I saved up money and bought a piano, her name is Reina. Singing again made me cry. Singing means everything to me. I can't believe I even stopped...

And I know I ramble a lot about little problems and I don't really talk about the big ones like these^ but if it weren't for the kind comments I received on this app and the encourage and compliments I don't think I could've gotten through all of this. It's like, no matter what I was going through I knew I could upload a chapter and laugh at the comments and smile even if it were only for a few minutes. I owe you guys so much and I can't even express that enough.

And some of you guys dm me like I'm so important, like we're not equals, like we don't have the same problems, like I'm some kind of talented incredible person and it's honestly crazy because some of you look up to me when I look up to you!!!! I'm so happy my fics have touched some of your lives, helped you discover things about yourselves, made you laugh, cry, smile, because you do the same for me.

So yeah I'm sorry for being so sentimental I'm just looking back to how far I've come this year and I can't help but to think it's because of you guys. I mean, I've literally entered writing contests this year, something I've never done before and I'm winning them. I'm singing on stage in front of actual people, something I'd never think of doing in a million years, and I'm actually happy. I'm doing the things I didn't think I'd ever do last year. I'm making so many moves and advancements, it's crazy. Of course I have my down days, but doesn't everyone? I can look at myself in the mirror now and actually appreciate what I see. I love my personality so much after thinking it was so annoying for so long and although it took a lot of self reflection and work, I know you guys helped me so much.

So this is just one big thank you, and although I don't really know where I'm going after this book is over yet, I just want you to know that you've played a big part in my life and always will.

- DistressInDisguise
(Who isn't in much distress anymore)