Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

107. Literally the devil

SHIP:
Klance

WARNINGS:
Mentions of the devil? (Don't know if that triggers people or not so just to be safe)

EXTRAS:
So the last two oneshots have been pretty angsty so imma make something fun for this one cause honestly this is just stupid and it's meant to be

AU where Lance is literally the devil

WORDS:
1199 (I'm tired and this is really dumb but it made me laugh... I might write a more serious version of this at a later date, this is done just to make up for my last two chapters)

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When you say the word 'devil' most people will imagine a horrible man who wants only what is worse in the world and is the bringer of all evil however that is the exact opposite of what the devil is actually like, how do I know? Good question. While doing some studying I came across a strange set of files which tell the story of a boy who became best friends with the devil, it's pretty gay, do you want to hear it? Of course you do!

Our story begins on a day like any other-

"Shiro! I'm going to take Kaltenecker into town to attempt to sell her so say your final goodbyes," Keith yelled as he tugged the cow along beside him, he honestly didn't want to give the cow away either as he'd grown rather attached to the animal however the two did need money to survive so they were given no other choice but to sell the only thing worth money on their farm which just so happened to be Kaltenecker. Shiro had a rather tearful goodbye before returning back into the house to join his husband, Matt, as he needed comfort during this time of grief.

It didn't take long to reach the town and Keith looked for a place to sell Kaltenecker, mostly he was trying to find a place that wouldn't scam him, and what he found was a caravan lit with red bulbs and had several pentagrams drawn on the side of it, clearly this man was a satanist, but Keith decided to risk it in the attempt to get a good deal (cause Keith is clearly a smart boy and Lance is very good at hiding himself in the mortal realm). The caravan door swung open as Keith approached it causing the male to double-take but then immediately brush it off as a simple parlour trick, a very good one granted but still a trick, he tied Kaltenecker to a hook on the side of the caravan which was meant to be able to be attached to a car however the owner hadn't done so. He then took a step inside, the inside was not at all what the outside looked like. Blue fairy lights decorated the inside of the home and a cup of coffee sat on the table, steam coming up from the top of the cup, and a tanned brunet boy sat on the couch, his feet resting onto of the table as he lay back mouthing words that Keith couldn't understand to himself. He would have looked completely normal had it not been for the massive black wings on his back that worked as a sort of pillow for him to rest on.

"I'm sorry, what the fuck?!" The boy yelled, literally jumping backwards causing the 'creature' to scream apparently he hadn't noticed that his door had somehow opened itself. "You can't just walk into people's home like that! Were you planning on stealing from me?!" The creature screeched, jumping up and marching over to Keith. "Your door literally swung open for me! It's not my fault! I just wanted to sell my cow!" The male fired back. That caused the creature to burst out laughing, falling backwards as if that was the best thing he'd ever heard in his life, "In all my years of being alive, I don't think I've ever heard anything so stupid!" The two started laughing and Keith, although he was still slightly cautious, was starting to feel a lot more comfortable. "Anyway can you explain the wings?" He decided to ask once the laughter had calmed down. Now the creature had always been known amongst his people for being straight... up honest with anyone he'd met and he wouldn't beat around the bush he would just fess up right away, it saved him problems in the future, "I'm Lance McClain and I'm literally the devil." Keith's eyes widened in surprise, sure he had no reason to believe that 'Lance' was lying taking in the wings and the appearance of the caravan that he travelled in, "I-I... uh... why are you on earth then?" He seemed rather nervous and I mean can you blame him? He was speaking to the actual devil. "Oh, I sometimes get bored and decide to go on holiday to earth... I do it every one hundred years to keep an eye on things... but you're the first person whose ever seen my wings, I usually hide them." Out of fear and with no idea what else to say Keith simply asked one question, one question that would form a solid friendship between the two simply because of how stupid it was, "Do you want to buy my cow?"
Oh I think I forgot to mention that the notes read that Lance was wearing a blue robe and had a face mask on. And that's how Keith Kogane became friends with the devil

[Bonus]

"So you're telling me that he's literally the devil? Like hell, eternal damnation, pentagrams, furbies, stuff like that?" Shiro asked his brother as Keith had attempted to casually announce that the devil was coming over for dinner. "Yeah but Lance is fine, you'll like him," Keith tried to calm his brother down, cause honestly Shiro seemed to be the only one with sense, "plus he's the one that bought our cow." Now that's when Shiro looked angry, "Kaltenecker! He's probably fucking sacrificed her to himself or some shit like that! No! My baby!" He seemed very upset that Keith had given their cow to the devil. "Oh no Lance hasn't done anything to her... he keeps her tied up outside his caravan and honestly I think he enjoys the company, he gets pretty lonely when he's away from Hell," The male tried to explain to his brother who was currently freaking out.
"Hey, at least Keith has a friend."
"Matt he's literally the devil!"
"Means no one will mess with him."

The notes go onto to say that Shiro attempted to cancel the dinner but Matt didn't allow him to and instead made him sit next to Lance simply to spite his husband. Apparently the dinner went down without any problems apart from Lance flirting with Keith and Shiro constantly threatening to send Lance to hell if he touched his little brother... and then realising that he sending the devil back to hell wouldn't be a punishment so instead he would send him to heaven... that got Lance to shut up pretty quickly.

Things were even worse when Keith admitted that he may have started dating Lance. Matt however was only happy for his brother-in law... Shiro on the other hand, the less said about him the better and Kaltenecker lived out her days happily tied to Lance's caravan and no she was not sacrificed.